My husband cheated on me 2 1/2yrs ago, told me a 1 1/2 ago, and I'm still not over it. How long do you think it takes to get over it. I've seen the girl, on myspace....so nasty..I don't get men. I understand them. It was my husband and I first year of marriage. I want answers and I can't talk to him about it, he hates talking about it. I don't know what to do, I'm unhappy, we have a 9mo old. I don't want to leave him, I just want things to be better. How can I heal? I'm just so heartbroken....
2007-01-19 03:25:04 · 33 answers · asked by hm84 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
There is no time factor on healing.
You have been betrayed and that is a deadly blow for anyone.
Cheating is one of the worst thing that can happen in a relationship. You want to move on, but it is so dam hard.
You try to let it go, but you have lost trust in your spouse.
Each time he leaves the house, you will always wonder if he is doing it again.
Ask yourself if he is really worth saving this marriage.
Evaluate all of his good with the bad.
If there is more good than bad, and you feel that he has remorse and wants to work things out, then you should go to a marriage counselor.
You are the only one who knows these answers.
2007-01-19 03:40:32 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
It takes time 2 heal a broken heart but u will never 4 get about what he did 2 u. It is going 2 b very hard but if u love him u have 2 try. Make sure that u have it in u 2 really 4 give him because if not then u can 4 get about it. U made the decision 2 4 give him now it's up 2 u 2 start trusting him again and i don't mean fall asleep on him as 2 where he will cheat on u again. Give him a chance 2 prove 2 u that he really does love u and wants 2 b with u i am pretty much sure it will work and if not then u know what u have 2 do. GOOD LUCK.
2007-01-19 03:38:18 · answer #2 · answered by Baby Gurl 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell him to hear you out...and let him know that you cant get through all of this without his help. That rather he wants or needs to talk about it..you do. And that you are a part of this relationship and its taking some time to work through..the key thing here is talking does wonders in a marriage or any relationship for that matter. If you cant talk to the one you love then there is something wrong there. He may not talk to you about it is cause he is embarrassed but he needs to get out of that and save his marriage if that's what he wants. If you don't want to talk about it to him either then don't look her up..and forget it ever happened. Bringing it all the time is just going to cause way to many problems..it needs closure.
2007-01-19 03:36:34 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Did you catch him cheating(clues)?Or did he just feel like fessing up and came out and told you?If you caught him chances are he will always be a cheater the only reason he talked about it to you was cuz he had no choice cuz he got caught.If he fessed up on a guilty concious thenmaybe it was a mistake and he'll never do it again.But MAYBE is the key word in everything.You can talk it out and forgive him but just be ready for the chance that he'll do it again...be ready for that pain.Im a personal believer of once a cheater always a cheater..no matter how much they love you(based on experience).Nobody can tell you what kind of decision to make(leave him or stay with him).That has to be your gut instinct.If you really want to stay with him then forgive him.But ill bet you never forget.Its always ganna be an issue in your relationship.Cuz once he does something thats kinda fishy for you(even its for no reason youre feeling like thi) that thought of him cheating will always be in the back of your mind.Like i said once a cheater always a cheater and honestly i feel if you forgivce him thats an open invitation for him to do it when ever he feels like it cuz he knows youll forgive him IF he gets caught.
2007-01-19 03:37:56 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you need closeure, he needs to go through this with you, you need to talk about it together and figure out how you as a couple can move past it.
This is sad.. he is the one that put you into this situation, and yet, he is already past it, that is unfair to you, he owes you the world for even sticking by him through this, he owes you an explanation and he owes you closeure from this. He should respect you enough to at least give you that!
What you need is closeure and to get that he is going to have to give you everything that he owes you. If you are unhappy and uncomfortable with the situation, you definitely need to communicate that to him because no one should EVER have to be uncomfortable in their own home.
He hates talking about it? well, you hate the fact that he did it right? and the fact that you hate it doesn't change the fact that he did it.. so the fact that he hates talking about it doesn't change the fact that he is going to have to talk with you about it, he brought this on himself and now you are both going to have to face that demon together so you can get past it together as a team. In marriage, there should be no individuals, you should work as a team, marriage is a partnership.
Just try not to dwell on it too much, and don't keep your feelings bottled up or that demon will eat you alive from the inside out.
I wish you the best!
2007-01-19 03:33:56 · answer #5 · answered by Fluffington Cuddlebutts 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This happened to me in the past with an ex. I'm sorry it happened. Don't blame yourself. If you are anything like me, I forgave him, but I NEVER forgot it. I went to therapy and made things right within myself and tried to move on (from the situation) mentally. I just never got over it, and ended up leaving him. I had no trust in him after that whatsoever, and I did honestly try.
Everyone is different, though, and MANY work it out, and in time that detesting feeling fades. What you need to do is make yourself as right as possible for you and your child, and the resentment you hold towards him will subside after a while.
Take care.
2007-01-19 03:33:51 · answer #6 · answered by polishedamethyst 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If your wanting to stay in the marriage then your gonna have to find a level of acceptance within yourself. He took something from the marriage (trust) and didn't even ask you and you truly feel cheated. I would suggest talking with a counselor if your really wanting to get past it. While he may not want to go, you need to go yourself and honestly know body can put a time frame when your going to be "over it", only you decide that.
2007-01-19 03:30:25 · answer #7 · answered by be happier own a pitbull 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you two don't talk it over, it won't be over. You two need to just get it out in the open and let it go. This is when you can begin to get over it because you will constantly think in the back of your brain if he's cheating or not. Look how long it took him to tell you? Your marriage is based on open communication as well. This matter needs to be dealt with.
2007-01-19 03:35:36 · answer #8 · answered by uneekqamar2004 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It is a sad but true fact that somethings we will never get over, you can try counseling to find out why he would cheat on you so early in your marriage, I feel that it is very unfair of him not to want to discuss something that he brought into the family. Think about what is important to you and start at that point.
2007-01-19 03:29:43 · answer #9 · answered by stringhead3 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know why. Because you don't believe him. My husband has been cheating on me for the past two years. I love my husband and i know that he loves me. I never could get over why he would cheat on me though. So i asked him to meet me home at a certain time and to wear something nice. I dressed myself up and made him a huge dinner. I just wanted to show him how much he meant to me. I told him before he came inside that he has to promise me that he is going to be 100% honest with me. Let him know that he can talk to you about anything. He was so truthful and now i feel so much better. Another thing is that i never listened to my husband. My husbnad would tell me things that he was unhappy with me about but i just pushed it aside. LIsten to what your husband is saying to you. Love your husband and i promise you, you will feel so much better. Now everything is amazing and i feel so new. Unlike before, i would just always wonder aobut everything. If you need to ask questins, then ask them. That's okay, it's part of the healing process. If you wonder about certain things, don't hold them inside. Let everything out. Everything is going to be okay. Just know that people cheat, because something is missing from the relatinship. if you find out what that something is, there will be no reason to cheat. I promise.
2007-01-19 04:05:10 · answer #10 · answered by iwuvmyhubby 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋