I do not want to hear from any of you perfect and "I would never cheat on my spouse" people....just your thoughts on a perfect but funky marriage situation. Lol.
Possible Scenario - perfect marriage(honestly!) except for one thing - sex life is absolutely non-existant and awful. That is really the ONLY bad thing. We are just completely sexually noncompatible with each other and we both know it. Found out she recently cheated, except the thing is I'm not actually mad. Maybe a bit hurt sorta, but I honestly understand why. Needs are needs, right ? When it is "just sex", should I really feel distraught and kick her to the curb over this or should I feel like this is finally my free pass to go cheat on her if I please ?? What the heck am I supposed to do now ??.
Please do NOT suggest divorce or counseling as they are not options in this case.
2007-01-19 03:20:59 · 41 answers · asked by Lexington 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Well, if you thought cheating on your wife (even with these special circumstances) was okay, you wouldn't be asking a bunch of strangers what they thought.
You're happy with your marriage, but not with your sex life. You want to love both. Obviously, your wife does too. She showed you that by doing something she shouldn't have done. But, it has opened the window for you to fix the problem.
Talk to her honestly and make sure she feels the same way you do - that she wants to keep the marriage, but have a better sex life. If you find that she does, suggest an open marriage.
Each of you should bring rules to the table so that both of you feel comfortable and not "cheated" on. This could include times when it's not okay to have a date with someone else, a list of people you'd rather the other not date, and/or rules about safe sex. If the two of you have any sex at all, there should be safe sex rules. You should ALWAYS make sure the other knows how important they are to you and set up "date nights" with each other - with or without sex - so that you don't lose sight of the importance of your marriage.
Check out the links below and do a little research of your own, then present your case to you wife. You may find that she is relieved by your bringing it up and being willing to help fix the problem so that there's no guilt involved.
2007-01-19 03:45:28 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Each marrige is diffrent. Some would not accept cheating.. and others dont mind it. It all in the rules you set in your relationship and what makes you comfortable. Talk to her if that is an option, tell her what you know and see if there is a middle ground that both of you can fufil your sexual needs, and not hurt one another. Some couples become swingers... and thats sex.. with someone .. but still together. It might bring out things in both of you that were lacking to make sex work. If you both agree... to recieve sex from some place other that your spouse, if you are being SAFE sexually, and respectful of eachothers boundaries.. then you should not have a problem... but if one is jealous the other cheated and there is no middle ground..then there maybe be some other options that you need to examine in your relationship.
2007-01-19 04:30:56 · answer #2 · answered by c_leoo 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why would you stoop that low, yes your hurting because your spouse cheated on you, but there is such a thing as being the better person, and I'm not perfect, there's no perfect people out there pr the perfect marriage, but cheating on a cheater is NEVER acceptable. Cheating itself is just wrong and selfish. There is alot more to a marriage than sex, people put WAY too much importance on sex, and not enough on making the relationship outside of the bedroom stronger.
And I would suggest marriage counceling, because it's ALWAYS an option as long as BOTH of you are willing to work at it.
2007-01-20 05:18:10 · answer #3 · answered by Bryan M 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't feel cheating will be acceptable revenge... In that case it will just hurt your reputation for future relationships. What I think is that you two should not be together anymore. If she cheated she will do it again and with the std's being so prevalent these days I would say that you guys need to be done. Sex is a HUGE thing in a relationship and if you can't make that work. Face it you need passion in your life.... we all do. If its not working now it won't work unless you two CHANGE something.
NOw if you want to stay with her....
Unless you two steam it up a little.... buy some kuma sutra books, find what pleases you/ her and TALK about it. Turn eachother on. FInd something that turns you BOTH on.
If i were you I would get out before things get worse.
Good Luck
2007-01-19 03:30:32 · answer #4 · answered by Artemis 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I like the Swingers' Club idea...but I still can't help think that you can't find a solution OUTSIDE the marriage for a problem IN the marriage. I would definitely exhaust all possibilities before I shook hands on extra-marital affairs. If counselling isn't an option...would that include a sex therapist? Coz if it does, there are so many books out there now...and think of all the fun you could have experimenting with the various solutions?
2007-01-19 03:28:55 · answer #5 · answered by stongc 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
ok, she cheated just for sexual needs, well i have a question for you, do you have sexual needs as well? how do you satisfy yourself? she did not respect your relationship at all. Im sorry to say, but even though two wrongs dont make one right in this case, you should ask her if you have a free pass to sleeping with some one since your needs are not met. And see what kind of answer she gives you. Its not fair, youre married and she disrespected you completly, thank god you have nochildren involved. Think about it, she might feel needed with one of your friends, what are you gonna do then? Two options, kick her to the curb.....or use your free pass but be honest about it, so she knows what it feels like, like she told you, its just sex.
This wont be revenge, its just giving her a taste of her own medicine....u deserve better.
2007-01-19 03:33:26 · answer #6 · answered by dream 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think this is about you and what you believe inside. Did you ever need a "free" pass to cheat on her. What were your thoughts before you found out she "cheated." Have ya'll ever talked about the situation before she cheated, or did ya'll just accept total sexual incompatibility and not engage in sex nor ever even talk about engaging in sex. Surely one of you said something to the other. And have ya'll talked about it since she cheated. Finally, I'm just curious but are you a person that needs revenge to improve your inner self?
I'm not passing judgement, just think you should do some internal analzying first.
Good luck
2007-01-19 03:30:03 · answer #7 · answered by stretch 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Cheating is not acceptable revenge. Then you are just putting yourself down on your unfaithful spouses level.
You said should you kick her to the curb, but you also said that divorce is not an option. It comes to the same thing.
If my man ever cheated on me, I would leave him. It means that he has no respect for me and it is not something I would be quick to forgive. Would I cheat on him as revenge? I would have to say no, because then I would have to live with it. And I am not sure I could.
I say if counselling and divorce are not options, then you will have to figure out if you are able to forgive her. If you are able to forgive her and you know it was a mistake she will never repeat, then good for you! Get on with your life and don't let this hold you back.
Revenge is never a good answer.
Revenge causes war.
I wish you wisdom and insight.
2007-01-19 03:27:01 · answer #8 · answered by Samantha 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Discuss the situation together and suggest an open marriage where you are both free to have outside sexual relationships.
It is much better than cheating because you are not bringing more lies into what should be a relationship of trust.
2007-01-19 03:26:37 · answer #9 · answered by aiguyaiguy 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Would she be willing to add one more to the bedroom? Clearly you are not leaving any options for us. Why don't you guys both agree to go on Match.com or Americansingles and run an add looking for a third party.
Try that for a while. You may find each other, or you each may find someone else.
It's isn't cheating if you are both in the same room.
2007-01-19 03:27:27 · answer #10 · answered by NoAnswers 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋