Ok, I am a 24 year old woman and my best guy friend, who has been one of my closest friends since I was 16 just told me that he is gay. He says he has known since he was 18, but has been sort of denying it to himself, and has not told anyone except me. (I am his only female friend, and we have some very judgemental male friends) You would not guess it at all by looking at him, but to be totally honest, it did not really surprise me. I can't for sure say why, but I had a feeling all along. He made me promise not to tell anyone, because he isnt ready, and I swore I will not. (He just met someone a few weeks ago for the first time) My question is: How can I help him through coming out? He has been the best friend to me, and I know he is very scared at this point, and confused. Are there any books on the subject? Any words I can share with him? I want to be prepared and supportive, as this obviously doesn't change my friendship with him. Any advice would be appreciated. thank you!
2007-01-19 03:16:03 · 13 answers · asked by reauxmarie 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
Thanks for all the great answers-I think his family will be accepting. He is not at all feminine or flamboyant, and doesnt like that aspect of it. I dont think he will be the type to go to gay bars, but I dont know. So far he has only told me, and I gave him a hug and we talked for several hours and I told him I wasnt really surprised. He seemed a little relieved. I told him I truely dont think of you any differently (and I dont!) and I asked him about the guy he met. I told him I want to meet the guy whenever he is ready. Its great I think, the guy he is seeing has been "out" for a while and he sounds very similiar personality wise.
2007-01-19 03:35:25 · update #1
So far it seems you've done everything right...while you probably can't help him come out, being supportive while he goes through this will mean a great deal to him.
One book I would suggest that you could read is "The Velvet Rage: Overcoming the Pain of Growing Up Gay in a Straight Man's World" by Alan Downs. I don't recommend this as a tool for you to help him, but I think reading this might help you to understand and prepare for the typical stages men go through during their coming out process.
He's got a tough road ahead of him and he's lucky to have an understanding friend who cares so much about him.
2007-01-19 05:34:11 · answer #1 · answered by steve l 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Then we are in undesirable shape while you're top. There could be understand greater dying in accordance to Revelations 20:15, Rev 21:4 and much less tears or crying etc yet we've relatively some those. while he returns it relatively is interior an identical way the disciples seen him ascend. Matt 24:30, Acts a million:11.
2016-10-31 12:57:30 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you say you have very judgmental friends, you should probably talk with them first. Not about the guy specifically but about gays in general. You'll get their point of view on the subject and will be able to point that out to your gay friend.
I would also suggest you to go with him in gay bars or things like that. He won't be alone so maybe it will be easier for him... and for you as well.
The best way to help him with it is not to judge him in this. If he's scared and confused, just try to talk to him and explain him exactly what you feel about it so those feelings go away.
As for books, there are about a millions of them... But I'm not sure books are the best thing. Real world is. If people around him, friends, family, can't accept the fact he's gay, maybe he should think about meeting new people... As for the family factor, you didn't mention it, but I know many people had to go to a councilor cause parents couldn't accept...
Be with him, encourage him, make him feel like he's still the same one to you and everything should be fine.
You seem to be OK with all of this... If you're not though, it's important for you to share YOUR point of view on it. He won't be able to accept himself if there is no one like you to support him.
2007-01-19 03:25:58 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sure there are lots of books to read, but really all you need to do is to tell him that you love him regardless of who he loves and that you'll be there if he wants to talk more about it.
And don't ignore it either. Lots of people will say that they're OK with a friend coming out, but then the subject is NEVER touched again for 10 years. Ask your friend about who he's dating...basically ask all the old questions and make all the old comments you would have when he was "assumed" straight. (I know you said you'd had an inkling...but did you guys kind of pretend that he was into girls?)
2007-01-19 03:22:58 · answer #4 · answered by shannonscorpio 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Coming *OUT* is a hard thing to do. Esp. when you have so many odds against you. Its so nice that you are willing to stick by him while he goes through this. Trust me he will need a sholde to cry on sometimes, a helping hand when people turn their backs on him and someone to have his back when people try to break him down....You know him in ways mos don't so you will be able to help him in ways they can't. Having friends that judge you and maybe even down you is the obvious. But having a friend like you that is willing to stay and support him is wonderful.
Be supportive, help him think it all out and most of all let it happen on his time...only he can know wen he is ready to let it out fully....you cant just jump into this pool head first....ease in with him...its a hard journey!!!!!!!BE STRONG 4 HIM!!!!!
2007-01-19 03:55:30 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Thanks for being a good friend to your gay friend. Just in being supportive and kind, you are being helpful to him. There may be a gay community center in your area, it would be in the phone book, they would be able to give him answers, maybe help him some more. There are a lot of gay help groups on line, yahoo or msn groups, etc. I hope your friend plays "safe".
2007-01-19 03:21:40 · answer #6 · answered by jxt299 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Honesty is good. We cannot be a success by lying about things. It is normal to have strong feelings of attraction for members of the same sex. It is also normal to have strong feelings of attraction for members of the opposite sex. It is also normal to have some difficulty in knowing how to express your feelings. The Almighty gave humans a terrific gift in sex love and marriage. If you separate it, you destroy it. If you try to express your affection for one of the same sex in a way reserved for married couples (more or less) you are seriously in trouble, both now and later. Attraction (infatuation) is not love.
2007-01-19 03:24:09 · answer #7 · answered by hasse_john 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The only thing you can truly do for him as a friend is not care that he is gay and let him know that. not just in words but in your behaviour with him.
2007-01-19 03:27:48 · answer #8 · answered by unclefrunk 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You've pretty much been doing what you should do. Be there for him. Talk with him. Accept him. ::shrug::
You can visit PFLAG (.org) for more information, but generally speaking, just be the friend you've always been.
2007-01-19 04:10:37 · answer #9 · answered by Atropis 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just be there as a friend. Accept him for who he is.
You're acceptance will mean a great deal more than I believe you know.
2007-01-19 03:21:50 · answer #10 · answered by Radagast97 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋