I'm 5 and 1/2 months pregnant and not feeling very attractive. I saw my husband looking at some pictures and found a whole bunch of them stored in our computer. The women in the pictures are very far from my type (of course they're gorgeous) but what I mean is very different from what I look like (hair color, eyes, skin). My husband has been great overall during the pregnancy but hasn't really made me feel attactive, I don't really get compliments from him, ever, not even when I'm dressed up. I know pregnant women don't always look their best but I've been able to control my weight and try to look nice all the time for him, and as you know we need a few nice words once in a while. I guess the combination of these two situations made me feel terrible and I'm not sure if I should talk to him or just let it go...
2007-01-19 03:12:01 · 29 answers · asked by chubbytkf 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I personally believe that it is never right to just look! I have to disagree that it's ok. I believe every guy on the planet struggles with it, but that does not make it right.
Now, what are you to do? TALK!!!!! Speak to him about it. Speak to him RESPECTFULLY and TENDERLY, and you will be amazed at the difference it will make. Do not ACCUSE and do not YELL, but ask why he would chose to look at other women. Assure him that if there's anything that you can do to make yourself more attractive, you would do it.
If he loves you (which I am by no means trying to indicate that he doesn't), he will see that he is hurting you, and stop doing it. He may still struggle with it, but he will love you more for your tenderness to him.
Let me say this though, any guy who says that there is nothing wrong with looking is a fool. The first step to touching is looking. Then you fantasize. Then you end up actually "touching." Before long you have disaster.
(Don't panic, just understand that you need to address this. Don't ignore it)
ABOVE ALL, MAY I STRESS: DO NOT JUST LEAVE HIM IF YOU GET UPSET - WORK IT OUT!! :-)
2007-01-19 03:27:42 · answer #1 · answered by grounded_firmly 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
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2016-07-17 06:03:21 · answer #2 · answered by Jorge 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Pregnancy is a beautiful experience. The first thing that you need to do is remember that you are beautiful with or without your husband's approval. What your husband is doing has nothing to do with you. He's being controlled by the spirit of lust. Even though what he's doing has nothing to do with you, his behavior is effecting and infecting the marriage relationship. His behavior is a form of cheating even though it's not physical. And if he continues this behavior, the possibilities of him cheating physically with another woman become greater.
My husband used to do the same thing. I told him it's either me or the porn. No other woman is going to be naked in my house but me. There are certain behaviors that I'm not going to put up with and having a husband that likes to look at porn is one of them. So yes, tell your husband that you're bothered by what he's doing and that you are not going to live your life this way.
Sweet heart, stay strong. If you're not strong, then get strong. And let your husband know that you are to be honored and not neglected or taken advantage of. Let him know that respect is a must in the marriage and that him looking at naked women is disrespectful toward you his wife. So it's either his family or the porn. If he decides not to change or puts up an arguement, then you have to make some serious decisions about the way you want to live. Keep in mind that he might be addicted and may need some help overcoming this problem.
2007-01-19 10:44:09 · answer #3 · answered by Charvet J 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have every right to be bothered by your husband looking at pornography & I believe that you should talk with him about it. Here's why I think its wrong (& I will probably sound old-fashioned but then I'm old so its allowed): Marriage is a commitment between two people to love & care for each other. Both shld be faithful to the marriage & you share an intimacy as part of the marriage. The intimacy shouldn't be shared with anyone else. Altho your husband isn't physically unfaithful to you he is mentally unfaithful. The fact that it bothers you shows how harmful pornography can be to a relationship. It would bother any woman who loves her husband; it is hurtful. The women he looks at are objects of his lust. It steals intimacy from you.
He will probably take the offensive which is what people tend to do when they know they are doing something they shouldn't be doing. Try to stay calm. The fact that he has been hiding this from you shows that he knows its wrong.
A man who loves a woman wouldn't want to do anything to offend her; that alone should help him to stop looking at porn. He needs to know that it jeopardizes your feelings for him. If he can't, or won't, stop, a visit or two with a counselor may be helpful.
I wish you luck. This is the last thing you need with a baby on the way.
2007-01-19 03:44:18 · answer #4 · answered by Judith 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
He is making you feel bad, and that is making him a bad husband. Porn is never ok when you are married, it doesn't matter if you are pregnant or not! He needs to have more respect for his wife and stop looking at other people having sex while he gets off. What a pervert! You have all the right in the world to be upset, and you need to nip this in the butt now! If he doesn't stop, I would consider divorce. Good luck.
2007-01-19 04:09:19 · answer #5 · answered by xquis81 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
In a word...Yes! It should bother you. When your husband married you he dedicated his eyes, mind, and body to you and you only. Looking at porn is just as bad as cheating. My husband never would dare to look at porn and it's not only because of me it's because he thinks women who do things like that are filthy hoes. He doesn't find them attractive. They aren't "real". Do not go off the deep end and try to lose weight during pregnancy. Do not let his obsession make you feel inadequate as a woman. I know too many women who let it. Do talk to him about it and let him know how it makes you feel. Porn destroys families and wives'/girlfriends' self esteem. It's not you who has the problem, it's him.
2007-01-19 03:19:15 · answer #6 · answered by d4cav_dragoons_wife84 3 · 4⤊ 1⤋
In all fairness you should just let it go. He has been good throughout your pregnancy so far.
Men, either through social conditioning or personal taste, tend to consider all pregnant women unattractive, at least as far sex is concerned. Don't take it personally! That is just the way we are! The fact that your husband has pornography has nothing to do with the fact that he loves and respects you. The majority of men, married or not, have a cache of porno somewhere in the house. The fact that we are basically visually stimulated does not mean that we are unfaithfully or trying to look for another mate.
Don't feel threatened by your husband's porn. It is just that, PORN!
2007-01-19 04:20:15 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 4⤋
You´re probably going to get a lot of answers telling you that hubby watching porn should not bother you, it`s normal.
Anything that makes YOU feel this badly is not "normal" or something that you should lower your morals to and accept.
It probably has NOTHING to do with your pregnancy and blaming yourself is something you should not be doing. I really "feel" for you today.
I, personally, don´t like it. It makes me feel icky as a woman and I don´t think it does anything positive for a man either.
You can talk to him about it but be prepared for him to lie.
Yes, men are "visual" but anything that makes a woman feel this badly can`t be a good thing.
2007-01-19 03:21:47 · answer #8 · answered by Bern 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
YES, you should be bothered by this because it's wrong, even if you weren't pregnant. He's not very sympathetic towards you, especially when bringing a new life into the world for the both of you to raise and enjoy. Please, talk with him and see what is going on. Don't let this go because then it could be something else and something else. You deserve more that what he is giving.
2007-01-19 03:20:32 · answer #9 · answered by uneekqamar2004 4 · 5⤊ 0⤋
a little positive encouragement goes a long way, he should be more in tune. The other side with the porn, you may have lost your sex drive while going through the miracle of pregnancy but I bet he hasn't lost his and believes that you are not interested and respects that so he is storing some eye candy to "take care of business"
The only problem is see here is that you should be asking him these questions before you take some advice from a bunch of on line strangers. Communication goes a very long way, try it but be sure to be positive and caring not angry and resentful
2007-01-19 03:20:11 · answer #10 · answered by mohvictor 4 · 1⤊ 3⤋