The concept of chivalry was born from the desire to help and protect those considered weaker. I am in perfect health and am stronger naturally than most guys that lift weights daily. (I only lift once or twice a week).
So, I give up my seat and open doors for everyone. Who knows who is sick that day or just finished chemo?
My wife has a big problem with this. She says:
#1: Only women are deserving. I say, why not be courteous enough to let anyone sit that feels they need to?
#2: That according other women chivalrous treatment is wrong. It's OK to stand or open a building door.
But, I should not open car doors for other women, help others with a coat, help others get seated, etc. These things should be reserved for her only.
I believe all people should be treated with good manners.
We've gone round and round on this.
How do I convince her that good manners are deserving by all, male, female, wife, UPS guy/gal, co-worker, or stranger.
2007-01-19 03:07:03 · 13 answers · asked by Jay 4 in Social Science ➔ Gender Studies
OK, Gary. Say it with me. . . PRINCIPLE.
That is what you are acting with.
RE: #1:
Courtesy, respect, kindness, and decency should be accorded to all people, regardless of race, religion, social status, or gender.
Picking and choosing who to treat with courtesy based on the any of the above criteria is the height of bad manners and discrimination.
If everyone applied this principle, how many fewer wars would be raging right now?
RE: #2:
Remind that her ONLY she gets flowers, back rubs, taken away on romantic getaways, and other things husbands do for wives only. Those are romantic gestures reserved for her alone.
The rest are are common courtesies that EVERYONE should perform for ANYONE, not just a spouse. Thus, you don't do them only for women. Men are accorded the exact same courtesies.
Finally, remind her that it is a good thing to be married to a man that does what he believes to be right, even if others (including her) disagree.
2007-01-19 08:58:58 · answer #1 · answered by Carl 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I wish the world was filled with more people like you. I am very much like you when it comes to helping others. It breaks my heart to see an elderly person struggling to push a grocery cart of a woman needing assistance to get a stroller through a door and people walking buy just ignoring these issues. I give up my seat at all times, and although I am not young I feel that I have the capacity to endure the standing far more than a mom carrying a small child.
Wouldn't this world be a much nicer place if everyone treated others the way they would like to be treated or their parents or children treated.
I am alarmed at the number of people that really only care about themselves. This is not how I have raised my children either and I am proud of the kindness that I have seen displayed by them. Don't change because of the criticism of another be true to yourself....always.
2007-01-19 03:48:41 · answer #2 · answered by Deirdre O 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You're wife is wrong. But forget the word "chivalry", it's an outdated concept. Politeness, good manners, helping others...everyone should do that for everyone, it's not just "a way that men treat women"...it's the way everyone should be treated.
It sounds like your wife might be resentful when you show special consideration to other WOMEN, (i.e. jealousy). Just try to make her feel like she is the most important thing to you, but there is no reason for her to get upset when you are simply showing others common (or in this day and age, not so common) courtesy.
2007-01-19 08:36:42 · answer #3 · answered by wendy g 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
First of all: You're right. -Good manners should be much more appreechiated in society. But unfortunately negative thing allways catch more attention (Watch advertisement with open eyes).
And 2nd: Don't go changing if you're convinced what you do is right.
If it's such a big problem for your wife she's got trusting-issues and should look for the reason for this deep down in herself. She's not alone on the world.
2007-01-19 04:08:10 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your wife seems to be contradicting herself. She says that 'only women are deserving' of chivalry, and then says that 'according to women, chivalrous treatment is wrong'. Which is it?
What she's missing is that chivalry and politeness are right all the time, regardless of the gender involved, and the few people who get offended or put off are victims of political correctness and need to get themselves a life.
2007-01-19 04:15:36 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Gary99...... you sir, are a gentleman. You should not have to convince anybody that the actions you take are honorable and kind. I think by reading the other comments you can see that everybody appreciates a person that respects all people and has good manners. Thank you for reminding all of us.
2007-01-19 05:04:35 · answer #6 · answered by PNSGUY 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Thank you very much! I am a 27 yr old mother of 2 and it is very helpful when people open doors, hold things for me, etc. when I'm trying to shop and watch my small kids. I try to help others when I can.
2007-01-19 03:17:20 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I agree 100% that good manners can never be wrong. When able bodied people help those who appear to be having difficulty - no matter what the sex or age or circumstance - it is always in good taste. It's an indication of good breeding.
2007-01-19 10:27:59 · answer #8 · answered by heathen 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Wow- I really like your attitude and outlook! I agree 100% with you- everyone- man, woman or child- is deserving of courtesy. PLEASE don't let your wife convince you otherwise. After all, wasn't your courtesy one of the things that made you attractive to her in the first place? Keep up the good work!
2007-01-19 03:13:37 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
You are right on. Your wife is just a bit jealous maybe that you don't reserve your good manners, which have become less common these days, just for her.
Good for you.
2007-01-19 03:16:10 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋