Ive just recently split with my boyfriend.After finding out that he was ready to go with an escort girl.So we split but got back together.He has made me feel like am not wanted and the fact that am pregnant it hurts more.Then i found out yesterday that he had went to his mates house and slept with her but was also trying to get back with me at the same time.So we have had a full blowing argument and i dont want him to have any think to do with our baby to be.But ive just found a question with him asking people what he should do bout the baby.Do u think he sholud have anythink to do with the child??or to just wait till the baby is old enough to decide for its self.Ive got 6months to think about it but i dont know what to do
2007-01-19 02:48:16 · 17 answers · asked by Lesa B 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
I would allow him to have a relationship with the baby as long as he is safe. Babies need as many people to love them as possible. Since you have a baby you will always have to have a relationship with this guy. It may be hard but coming between a child and their father is bad for the child. Kids have crazy thoughts about it being their fault or if their is a problem with their Dad their is a problem with them too... It is best to co-parent this baby even though you two are split. (and don't take him back, he doesn't sound good enough for you)
Good luck
2007-01-19 02:56:29 · answer #1 · answered by Freya 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He sounds like a rotter, but that does not mean that he cannot be a good father. In fact, he has the right to see the child and be involved in their life. If you have serious concerns about his being a danger to the child you must document this and bring it up in court while trying to get sole legal custody of the child.
If it is just that you don't like him and you are not together now, that is not enough to prevent him from having a relationship with his child.
In the long run, all three of you will be better off if you try to nurture a positive relationship between him and the child. Do not put him down to your child or interfere in visitation or be problematic. If he really is a big jerk, don't worry, your kid will figure this out for themselves on their own as soon as they are old enough.
However, some guys who are terrible boyfriends/husbands can still be good fathers.
2007-01-19 11:00:41 · answer #2 · answered by bugged to death 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your child needs to have their father apart of their life. I know, I have been there. I lost my father when I was just over a year and growing up it was hard not having a father around. I eventually had a step father but its not the same. Unfornantely my dad died so I couldn't have a relationship with him, but just because your babys dad cheated doesn't mean he can't be a good father. Your relationship might not be the right thing, but his relationship with his child is. Never keep a father from their child, or a child from their father. You will end up being the bad guy in the long run. Your child will eventually have a lot of anger towards you for the lost time with their father. Move on, find a new man, or just be a mom to your child and work on that, but keep the father involved with their child, its important.
2007-01-19 11:16:43 · answer #3 · answered by Proud Mother 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is the father. Do not rob your child of time with him. Treat the guy as a human and a friend, but not a lover or partner.
The baby will know from the beginning, and it is better to have the child acclimated to him and know who the parents are no matter how old.
The guy is just a punk. Kick him out. If he wants to spend time with the child he must make the time and alimony to allow for it.
2007-01-19 11:07:13 · answer #4 · answered by MarauderX 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leave him alone and concentrate on you and your baby right now,he is no good and will do nothing positive in your life right now...I do believe that baby needs a father in his/her life regardless of what your and his relationship is,children whom have both parents in ther life have less of emotional problems and issues in life...U dont have to let him have rights to take the baby out by himself but visitation rights with u and him only seem about right..If he at all trys to bring drugs and/or alcohol around after this child is born I suggest u quit visitation and just get child support... Either way do not get back with this man again,it will noly hurt u and your baby more.decide this for yourself but if u feel he can at least be a decent father then give that a chance..1 screw up with the baby then hes out completely...Get the child suppport no matter what though! Good Luck,and if u have to u can do this alone..many many women do just fine.
2007-01-19 10:59:33 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You sound like you are not from the US, so this may not apply to you. But here, BOTH parents have legal resposiblity and legal rights to be involved with their children.
SO, you may not want to spend the rest of your life with him, but he will be part of your life from now on.
My advise, follow his lead. If he ignors you and the kid and only comes around on brithdays and christmas, don't sweat it, the kid'll have twice as many presents and will eventully realise the kind of guy his father is. But if he really wants to be involved (and if he isn't a drug user/abusive), let him. Kids need all the love and support they can get, and it will give you a built in break from parenting, something ALL single moms need from time to time.
There isn't much you can do now. Relax and enjoy being pregnant. If the guy is harassing you and your family, that is something for the police to handle, but don't stress yourself out too much.
2007-01-19 11:02:10 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's the baby's father. He should be involved at whatever level you are comfortable with. Just because you broke up with him doesn't cut him off from his parental rights, just as it doesn't absolve him of legal responsibility for the child.
If you are planning on going without him (which sounds like you should, since he can't keep it in his pants when he is away from you) then you should just try to be friends, with no benefits.
If he is really interested in being a father to the baby, let him. It will make it easier for the baby, and easier on you to collect child support payments.
2007-01-19 10:54:00 · answer #7 · answered by Garylian 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
He is the baby's father, if he will be doing positive things for your baby, you should not keep him out.. children need both parents around them... however if he will be practicing negative parenting, you should contact authorities to remove your byfriend from baby's enviroment
BTW - do not forget to go on birth control, so you do not end up with too many kids from no good boyfriends, you have a life too and it is easier to be a good single mom to one child instead of several... you can give a better quality life to your baby....
2007-01-19 10:55:04 · answer #8 · answered by b.s. 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If he wants to have something to do with the baby then you cannnot keep him from his child. I know he has hurt you but that doesnt mean he will be a bad father.I grew up without a father he cheated on my mom and he was the one who refused a realtionship with me and my sister. I think father figures are important in childen life because it heps with realtionships in the future.
2007-01-19 10:55:34 · answer #9 · answered by Sheilah b 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The baby needs both parents. Denying the child a father because you no longer like the father is just hateful
The baby is not a PAWN in your adult game.
2007-01-19 10:54:51 · answer #10 · answered by UccmLover 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋