What's wrong with good manners?

Question

The concept of chivalry was born from the desire to help and protect those considered weaker. I am in perfect health and am stronger naturally than most guys that lift weights daily. (I only lift once or twice a week).

So, I give up my seat and open doors for everyone. Who knows who is sick that day or just finished chemo?

My wife has a big problem with this. She says:

#1: Only women are deserving. I say, why not be courteous enough to let anyone sit that feels they need to?

#2: That according other women chivalrous treatment is wrong. It's OK to stand or open a building door.

But, I should not open car doors for other women, help others with a coat, help others get seated, etc. These things should be reserved for her only.

I believe all people should be treated with good manners.

We've gone round and round on this.

How do I convince her that good manners are deserving by all, male, female, wife, UPS guy/gal, co-worker, or stranger.

Answer 1

You are so right. I can't believe this. If I were your wife I would be so proud of you. Who ever raised you did an excellent job. It is rare these days to see any display of good manners. My husband always helps those who need it. He will help a man or a woman get their coat on if he should see them struggling. He opens doors for both, he allows a lady to go ahead of him in line. I have always admired him for this quality. I always help the elderly and give my seat up to a much older person. Please continue to be the chivalrous man you are. Maybe your wife will realize that it is the right way to be. She might be a little jealous of other people getting a moment of your time. Maybe she is a lacking good self esteem? Well, any way keep up the good manners. It's refreshing. Your a dying breed.

Answer 2

There is a difference between chivalry and good manners. Your definition of chivalry is an apt one; whereas, good manners serve to enable all of us to live together amicably. My Mom described good manners as "the grease which lubricates the wheels of humanity", a phrase I really like.

Using good manners because they show respect and consideration for everyone may make it easier for your wife and others to agree with you. On the other hand, I'm not sure even I would accept help from someone who feels they are stronger than I and need to protect me, and I've been that "chemo" person. Perhaps just changing your attitude may make it easier for others to accept and appreciate your good manners.

Answer 3

OK, Gary. Say it with me. . . PRINCIPLE.

That is what you are acting with.

RE: #1:

Courtesy, respect, kindness, and decency should be accorded to all people, regardless of race, religion, social status, or gender.

Picking and choosing who to treat with courtesy based on the any of the above criteria is the height of bad manners and discrimination.

If everyone applied this principle, how many fewer wars would be raging right now?

RE: #2:

Remind that her ONLY she gets flowers, back rubs, taken away on romantic getaways, and other things husbands do for wives only. Those are romantic gestures reserved for her alone.

The rest are are common courtesies that EVERYONE should perform for ANYONE, not just a spouse. Thus, you don't do them only for women. Men are accorded the exact same courtesies.

Finally, remind her that it is a good thing to be married to a man that does what he believes to be right, even if others (including her) disagree.

Answer 4

Hope this helps:
Chivalry isn't just about "a knight in shining armor, who is rescuing a damsel in distress."
Chivalry means to "respect"; to value (people) as worthy of being helped; common courtesy, being considerate of others, caring about others.
Common courtesy is rarely seen these days>> Many people don't use a turn-signal when they're changing lanes, or when they turn off the road right in front of you these days, and that's so dangerous!
If more people (like yourself) would use more chivalry (common courtesy), there would be a lot less wrecks on the highways.
When my husband was a route-man, he had a hard time carrying the bulky load of products through the doorways of the stores.
It certainly would have helped if other people would have held the door open for him, by being chivalrous (using common courtesy, decency, politeness, manners).
My hard-working husband certainly does deserve to be treated with kindness (considerately, in a courteous manner).
Good manners shows good character (attitude, behavior), and there's nothing wrong with that.
The following is not an attack, not criticism, but is just a fact:
Chivalry itself (caring about others) isn't prejudice (isn't against) helping others. Prejudices come from within the heart of the self-centered individual>> who is unwilling to care about others.
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The problem may possibly stem from her having been starved for love and attention in the past, and now she's wanting and/or needing you to be her knight-in-shining armor (only hers); to devote all of your love and attention to her, to save her from distress (suffering, misery).

Answer 5

First, in the KFC ad, the family wants the polite child to be comfortable, and he's clearly not if he's looking around making sure it's okay to eat. Finally, when he gets too comfortable and calls his friend's mother by her first name, she corrects him and asks him to continue calling her "Mrs. Barber." Secondly, people are not wrong if they do not wish to be called Mr. or Mrs. Some people are simply uncomfortable with the formality, and they have every right to suggest their first name as an alternative. Proper etiquette would ask you to do as they wish, in reference to what they are called.

Answer 6

Good manners and being there to do everything for everybody are two different things. Nobody said dont have good manners but I think doing all the things you do for everybody is probably too much. I also wouldn't like if my man constantly did things for other women. Would you want your wife to do things for all other men that she does for you ? There has to be a line.

Answer 7

That's true. Good manners are hard to find these days. I try my very best to treat people with respect and show others that I have very good manners. So that's a very good habit that you have.

Answer 8

I don't know how you can convince her. I would say tell her to read the Bible and she'll see that Jesus treated EVERYONE with kindness. But from what you have said I assume she doesn't believe in Him. Anyway, I agree with you 100%.

Answer 9

just tell her that you're doing it for yourself. not matter how society have a set-plan of how to behave. you the one who feels that good manners are appropriate. just do what feels right to you.

Answer 10

WELL I GUESS I,M LIKE YOU I DO IT FOR EVERYONE BUT WHEN MY OTHER HALF STARTS TO FEEL LEFT OUT I SHOW HER MUCH MORE ATT. AND LET THE OTHERS OPEN THERE OWN DOOR UNLESS ITS AN ELDERY PERSON