My husband is really Jealous and controlling I am ready to file for divorce!?

Question

My husband and I have been married for 2 years now and we have a 1 1/2 year old boy together, I have a 10 1/2 year old son from my previous relationship, well for the last year my husband has been really controlling and very jealous he gets mad at anything from going shopping, buying groceries, working out at the gym, going to my sister's house, he gets mad when my cell phone rings and its my job calling or a cousin that wants to say hello if I don’t pick up the phone or I am not available when he calls me on my cell or at work he starts calling like crazy multiple times it bothers him when, I am so tired of all the arguing and how when we argue he constantly throws my past to my face and he accuses me of cheating on him with the facilities manager at work he has gotten to that point were he has disrespect me and called me names, and thrown stuff at me, I am tired and ready for a divorce. Now tell me does anyone have any advice for me>?????? Thanks

Answer 1

Looks like you are finally seeing the light..I couldn't Imagine he woulda been too much diff 2 years ago. You made a mistake, now its time to fix it :)

Answer 2

I'm not sure what to tell you. It makes perfect sense that he thought you were cheating on him. In his shoes I would have thought exactly the same thing. It's sad that he didn't say it immediately. I would have said it as soon as you said you were pregnant. I think maybe he's got communications problems but the fact that he stayed with you after you had a child that he was 100% certain was not his means that he really loves you. Why didn't you think of this? Did you have a paternity test so that it is 100% certain the children are his? I think marriage counseling would definitely help in this case. You really need to not be so angry about this. Put yourself in his shoes. What if you were told by countless doctors that there is NO WAY you could have kids and then your wife turned up pregnant? Yes, he should have said something but you absolutely have to cut him some slack on thinking you were cheating. Any reasonable person would have thought the exact same thing. A marriage counselor can help you guys figure out why he didn't feel safe to talk to you about this when it first came up and can help you figure out why on earth you would hold him to such a high standard. (Honestly, who would believe you without a dna test? I'm not saying you cheated but that is what any reasonable person would have thought.)

Answer 3

You are a wonderful female. You have given two jewels (sons) to two different persons. The first one came in your life and staged a quit after more than a decade. The second one entered without any prior knowledge about your first life. He loved you as long as he was ignorant about your past but now looks to have turned peevish at it. May be, it is time now for you to take a decision with courage. Heavens may not fall if you decide to call it a day. A life full of everyday turmoil and pains cannot be the obvious choice. And it seems that things have gone to an extreme and reversion seems difficult. I repeat, do not worry at all and take courage. Things will shape well in the long run. After, nothing in this world is indispensable!

Answer 4

Yeah I have some really good advice and I really hope you take it. Actually you've said it to yourself a million times already.... get out now before things get worse. They will get worse and you know they will because you've watched this thing evolve. You watched it go from a sweet flattering jelousy to a little annoying to excessive and kind of scary please do yourself and your son a great service and leave before it gets to crazy out of control!!

HE has a problem, HE has issues. I don't know what they are but it sounds like it's pretty deep. He needs to figure out why he does this but first he has to admit that it's not okay for him to act that way and that he shouldn't have these feelings it's just not normal. I would be kind of scared to just tell him your leaving alone. I think you need to do some research before you leave. Assess the situation gather support. Find a local womans shelter ask for help. You don't have to resolve to helpless. Let him know IF YOU WANT TO, only if you feel it hasn't gotten to a point where you can't handle it, that if he can admit he has a problem you will be by his side while he works it out. Just as long as he understands that doesn't mean you are not leaving. I still suggest leaving. He will have to be alone and you guys will almost have to start over. This will not be an easy thing to fix but if you're interested in preserving the marriage, it is possible if he is willing. Just keep yourself safe, and with everything you have inside you protect those precious children. Give them so much, remind them everyday how much you love them, none of this is their fault. Remind them that daddy loves them too, he is just sick and needs to get better. Don't lean on them be strong and remember this is not their problem after the initial discussion let them know they can come to you about it but after that you don't speak of it again to them or in front of them. Kids are resilient and you would be surprised how fast they will get past this if you keep their world pure and don't make them have to face it everyday hear about it think about it.....

Remember deep inside you know what to do, be strong for them, for you and do it!! I wish you so much luck and sucess. I hope things work out well for you and remember Jesus loves you and if you ask Him the Father will guide the way....

Answer 5

My advice: don't argue. It takes two people to have an argument. When he starts yelling at you, calmly say, "I'm not going to discuss it," and leave the room. When he accuses you of cheating on him with one guy, make up the names of five other guys you've had sex with, and make up the name of still another guy who "I'm going to have sex with tonight." When he calls you when you're out, turn off your cell phone and tell him later that you turned it off when you saw that it was him calling. When he brings up your past, confidently but sadly say, "I'm over that, but it's sad you can't get over it too."

Once you stop playing this bizarro control game the way he wants to play it, he will initially escalate. If you stick to your guns, though, he will either change or leave.

Answer 6

First of all, see a divorce lawyer and review your options. Secondly, was his behavior always like this? If he his behavior is a recent occurrence, he could be cheating on you. Cheaters will often accuse the unsuspecting partner of cheating to throw them off track or because they think if they themselves are willing to cheat, you must be cheating too. Doesn't sound like someone you'd want to stick with as his behavior seems psychotic.

Answer 7

Good for you for taking a stand and getting out of this potentially dangerous situation. It will only get worse.

Find a lawyer to determine your rights. Especially since children are involved. Do a google search for the bar association of the state/province you live in. Then do a search for family law lawyers in your vicinity. You need someone who will fight for you.

Also, rely on family and friends. It will be a very difficult time. You need as much POSITIVE support as possible.

GOOD LUCK!

Answer 8

I strongly think that if you are not happy, fix it! It sounds to me like he has an angerment problem too.

Maybe you could try marriage councilling before leaving. If that doens't work, then absolutly, leave and make yourself happy. His type of behaviour is not good for the children to see either...monkey see, monkey do.

I'd get out before he does something worse than just throw things at you. He is verbally abusing you and that just isn't right!

Answer 9

I have learned 2 things...
1 Our men will only treat us the way we allow them. If you let him treat you that way then your allowing your children to see how they should treat their future spouse. See a pastor or a counselor to help you change the behavior of you and your husband.
2 The kettle usually calls the pot black. Meaning what is he doing in his spare time?

I Pray that you are able to make the right decision. Not only for you and your husband, but your children.

Answer 10

Do you realize what this person is doing to you? It is simple. If you believe that his behaviour is acceptable or he will start getting better by tomorrow, you stay and live a happy life. If, though, you see that your quality of life and that of your kids is lousy, then you get out of the marriage or you guys get therapy to resolve the problems.
Oh, and throwing things at you? That is a real bad sign, so be careful.

Answer 11

Its only going to get worse. Just start to file and in the meantime get out of the house. I have known of these situations that have got much worse to the tune that the man doesn't allow the woman to leave and start physically abusing them. These are all warning signs. Time to pack and get out quick then file for divorce.