My wife's about to have our first child. We're both incredibly excited, as you can imagine but I'm aware that new baby causes new tension in the parents' relationship. Does anyone have any tips as to how best to avoid the screaming matches that I envisage?
2007-01-19 02:27:29 · 22 answers · asked by jayjteacher 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Newborn & Baby
no...but i'd love 2 trade u wiv my bf!! lol. at least ur nice enuf 2 ask ppl how 2 stop it, mine just buggers off down the pub! ooo...theres one, do not just go dwn the pub wiv out asking her, NEVER tell her shes angry cuz of her hormones (seriously, do sum men just have death wishes?), make sure that when ur @ home, u give her a chance to put her feet up and tell her 'baby, im taking over looking after baby 4 a while, so u just have this cup of tea (u suld prob hav a cupper ready 4 her), this remote control (agn, useful 2 hav remote control in hand), put ur feet up, and let me take care of things for a hour or so!' and then either start dinner, order it in, or call the in-laws and go OMG!! i got the baby in me arms..now wot? lol....sorry, ur prob guno hav more of an idea than my bf will of how 2 care 4 a baby, but u kno...just be SUPER nice 2 her, just not 2 nice all the time, no woman likes a brown noser! lol
good luck n congrats!
2007-01-19 02:34:21 · answer #1 · answered by evilbunnyhahaha 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
A new baby alters the relationship bit not always creating tension. My best advice would be to share the jobs for the baby as much as possible from the start. If she needs changing, or bathing, make sure you offer to do it, don't leave it to your wife, this created problems for us. Be honest with each other and enjoy your baby. the calmer you are, the calmer your baby will be. I really can't see that you'll be screaming at each other - you won't have time! Good luck though and remember for every down there will be an up. x
2007-01-19 10:43:30 · answer #2 · answered by mammmia 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
We found it really hard to start off with. Our daughter had colic for the first 3 months, which basically meant she cried constantly for the first 3 months. My husband threw himself into work, leaving at 7am in the morning and not returning (he was in catering) until 2am in the morning. I am not suggesting you do that to your wife!
All you can do is make sure you keep communication lines open. Often men can feel very left out in the first few weeks and confused that they are not suddenly feeling overwhelming love for the wriggling, screaming little thing. People do tend to ask after the baby first, then the wife and ignore the Dad.
Keep talking to each other, make sure you are discussing how you feel - 'do you feel your bonding - I'm not feeling as close as I expected too - gosh me too!"
Try to do different 'shifts'. You are both going to be REALLY tired and there is no point in both of you having a bad nights sleep. Sleep in seperate rooms - when its her night to get up - sleep in the spare room/on the sofa so you can get a full nights sleep. Then, you will be refreshed the next morning to take care of HER as much as possible.
Accept every bit of help offered. And don't be afraid to ask.
Good luck x
(PS - they don't tend to be 'screaming matches' - they tend to be furiously whispered matches!)
2007-01-19 10:36:01 · answer #3 · answered by Madam Rosmerta 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
We just had a baby about 12 weeks ago and so far the tension has been minimal. You just need to make sure and not let the frustrations due to lack of sleep seep into your relationship with your wife. Make sure that you both have time to yourselves without the baby to let off some steam. For me, I have been off of work while my husband has been working, so I am with the baby all day and when he gets home it is just great to have a relief. My favorite part of the day is my shower at night. I get about 20 minutes to myself and come out feeling less stressed. The time to yourself seems to help us. We really haven't had an argument, so maybe you are just thinking you guys will have problems. Cross that path when it gets here!
2007-01-19 10:32:40 · answer #4 · answered by Sarah H 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Understand that even after she gives birth her hormones are still wacky. Give her time. Pamper her. Also, help take care of the baby (this means changing diapers and getting up in the middle of the night not sniffing a saying "Whoa, this needs to be changed" or poking her in side in the middle of the night saying "baby's up"). Also, for the first few weeks, let her win any argument over small things that don't really matter. They may not be very important to you but at 3am after an all night baby screaming episode what your mother did 3 years ago at Christmas may be VERY important in her mind at the time :)
2007-01-19 10:36:57 · answer #5 · answered by autumnofserenity@sbcglobal.net 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just be there for your wife after the baby - she is going to be feeling down, all women do to some extent. - Understand what she has been through the last 9 months - and the birth - its no fun.
And understand that the baby will come first with your wife - he has to. Because I know that some fathers find it hard to accept this and this can cause arguments.
Just relax - its going to be the best time of your life.
2007-01-19 10:33:18 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
The best advice I have is for you.....
Be patient with your wife! Shes going ot have the nighttime feedings, barely sleeping, doing everything during the day, try to help her out, tell her you are here for her, hold the baby when you can for her, when she breaks down or says something mean to you, know its probably hormones and don't blow up. Just be patient!!!!!
Having a baby can be a strain on your relationship... but give it a couple weeks to get back into the cycle of things, and things will get better.....
2007-01-19 10:34:05 · answer #7 · answered by mrs. ruspee 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It doesnt matter how much a baby is planned and wanted when its finally there its a massive shock to the system.
Just support your wife by being there, listening to her when shes stressed out, helping with the baby as much as you can.
My DP used to get up and look after our girls so I could have an extra hour in bed...bliss!!
Just little things like that make all the difference.
Its hard on dads too so make sure you also get some time to yourself!! lol
2007-01-20 13:23:32 · answer #8 · answered by lilyp 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take turns at looking after the baby.Don't leave everything to your wife.
The baby will be the one getting all he gifts,so make your wife feel special by buying her something really nice.
If she feels tearful,let her have a good cry,as this helps to reduce the chances of post-natal depression.
You will both soon learn the`different`cries a baby has.The one for hunger,tired,bored etc.
Don't jump up to the baby as soon as it whimpers,let it have a good cry for a few minutes.If you go racing to the baby straight away,they'll have you on a piece of string,cause they'll know that once they start crying,someone will pick them up.
If you have visitors when the baby is asleep,don't let anyone pick them up,as this will disturb their sleep pattern,and make it hard for you to get them back into a routine.
Feed the baby when they are ready,not by looking at the clock every four hours.
Most of all,enjoy your baby,as they are not babies for long.
Good luck to you both,and sincere best wishes.
2007-01-19 10:54:13 · answer #9 · answered by nicky dakiamadnat600bugmunchsqig 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to be very helpful and considerate. And don't piss her off in any way. If by accident you do, appologize profusely and tell her how much you love her and your little baby. Get your butt up in the night the soothe the baby at least as much as she does. She is going to be very tired for the first year or so....
Cook, clean, wash the baby bottles, change diapers, empty the diaper pail, and tend to the house as much as you can to help her. She has a HUGE job with just tending to the baby - especially if she is breastfeeding.
2007-01-19 10:38:40 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋