Pedophilia and fatherhood?

Question

This will probably be the most controversial question ever posted on this site. In fact it will probably be deleted. Please read the whole thing before responding. Pedophilia is hugely misunderstood. I know after that last sentence you are ready to flame like you've never flamed before, but bare with me here.

A pedophile is an adult who is attracted to children more than to adults. A pedophile is NOT, as we have come to define it, someone who has sexually molested a child. You may asking what the difference is, and studies show that over 90% of child molesters are in fact primarily attracted to adults, but settle for children due to availability. These are called "situational" offenders. Many, if not most, pedophiles never act on their urges or fantasies. Those that do are usually only attracted to children and so have no other sexual outlet.

Now here is where the question is. I already know what kind of answers I will get, but I'm just curious to see what people say anyway.

....

Is it possible for someone who is both attracted to children and adults to have children and be a good father?

by "attraction" I mean sexual attraction.

I guess sexual and romantic attraction is what I mean

And obviously "good father" implies that he does not give in to his urges.

I'm definitely surprised at the answers.

Oh, I spoke too soon. Miss Interpret gave the answer I was expecting. You obviously didn't read the rest of the question and instead went straight to flaming. A pedophile by definition is someone who hasn't necessarily committed any action but has that attraction. Anyone who really knows anything about the subject realizes that it is a sexual orientation and nothing that can be changed.

Trublood I agree but there is nothing I can do about it.

Dovie, you sort of confused some of what I said.

"Pedophiles do not settle for children, they hunt them out due to their innocence and availablity"

Did you miss where I said that "pedophile" does not mean the same as "child molester"? When I said that they settle for children, I was talking about the 90+% of child molesters that aren't primarily attracted to children.

"I doubt that a pedophile could even have a normal sexual relationship with a woman over the long term."
This is true of those that are exclusively attracted to children. But I am talking about someone who is attracted also to adults.

Robb, you are right that someone who is also attracted to adults would not really be considered a pedophile. But calling those people child molesters, lol. A child molester is someone who molests a child... its that simple. It is not a state of mind, an attraction, or anything else. It is based solely on the action of sexually abusing a child. There is no real word for those attracted to both as far as I know.

And Robb, maybe only a pedophile could really understand the situation enough to give a good answer?

Miss Interpret you have no idea what you are talking about. First of all, there is no "cure" or "treatment" for pedophilia. Yes, it is a sexual orientation. Just because it is a bad thing doesn't mean it is not a sexual orientation that people are born with. And rape is about power, which is also a significant cause of child molesters who aren't pedophiles.

And I would be willing to bet that, though you would never admit it, and might not even realize it, the only reason you hate pedophiles enough to be arguing about it on this website is because it makes you feel good about yourself that you are so much better than them. What else would explain the list you created? Insult those who actually molest children all you want, but I don't believe there is anything morally wrong with being attracted to them because it is not a choice.

What does retardation have to do with anything? Your arguments make absolutely no sense. "whether they 'think' in their abnormal brains" sounds like you are talking about a schizo. And any exclusive pedophile that can control themself is a much better person than you.

Um... pedophilia is in no way a mental deformity. You can call it a disorder, but not a deformity.

Answer 1

Is it possible for a gay man to shower in the locker rooms with other men and not want to do anything with them?

Yes.

So, I don't see why a man (or woman) would be unable to silence the feelings they know are wrong and live a normal life (albeit, probably feeling terrible about their thoughts). I'm sure it has happened many, many times, just like how serial killers don't generally kill their own family members or rapists can have perfectly normal relationships.

Abuse is generally about power, not sex, so children who are abused (even sexually) by their parents are not generally victims of a sexual urge, but a power complex.

Answer 2

Very scary question. NO, a pedophile cannot be a good father. Imagine the horror of a child finding out that his father is sexually attracted to children. What kind of woman would WANT a pedophile (and yes, she would probably find out) to be the father of her children?

Pedophiles do not settle for children, they hunt them out due to their innocence and availablity. Children are prey to them and nothing more. I would bet my bottom dollar that if a pedophile has children he will molest them at some point. He just wouldn't be able to resist the control.

I doubt that a pedophile could even have a normal sexual relationship with a woman over the long term. They fundamentally want children.

Lastly, some people apparently think that a pedophile could make a good father. A mentally unstable father is not a good father and I am aghast at the idea of it! All I can think of is secrets, lies and incest. What kind of relationship could a woman possibly have with a man knowing that he is a pedophile and might molest her children? Sick, sick, sick!

Answer 3

That person should not have children - because those children will be growing up in a society that condemns that behaviour, and they will end up being socially and emotionally affected by the contrast of their upbringing and how it clashes with not only the Law, but society in general.

The LAW dictates what it means to be a paedophile. And if a man is engaging in activity that is in defiance of those laws then that man is considered a criminal. It's simple logic.

Criminals are not known to make good fathers - simply due to the fact that they bear no obligation to the law. If you cannot raise your children with a keen awareness of the law, and the keeping of it, then you are a bad father. If you do not keep the law (and that goes for even viewing or owning child pornography), then you will not instill law-abiding practices in your children.

The laws that govern our nations are not randomly created by buffoons who have just scribbled down a few philanthropic ideas of how society should run. They have been generated over centuries by people who have seen the fall-out of certain actions which are then deemed to violate other human beings (whether children or adults). Illegal actions have been found to be HARMFUL.

A paedophile is a selfish person who does not see past their own indiscriminate behaviour - and then just like you - tries to morally justify their lusts.

Paedophilia is NOT misunderstood. If you have any such personal misgivings about the law and it's precepts - I suggest you seek psychological help.


edit- I'm afraid we disagree then. I'm sure rapists think that it's their 'sexual orientation' to rape. Go figure. You obviously need alot of help.

edit- the only other addition I would like to make is that I believe people who have these 'sexual orientations' are the following:

1. damaged goods
2. evolutionary excrement
3. biologically defunct
4. sexually retarded

edit- There is no cure for retardation either. And yes I feel better than them - because I am not a potential threat to the emotional, sexual or psychological stability of a child. I say threat, because that is what I see someone who lusts after children, whether they 'think' in their abnormal brains that they could control themselves around them or not.

edit- retardation is a mental deformity, similar to someone who lusts after children. And don't be so shocked that I'm arguing my point. You openly admitted in your first question: ' I already know what kind of answers I will get, but I'm just curious to see what people say anyway.'

Answer 4

You say it yourself- they "settel to children due to availability". And that makes it what it is: Abuse of a weaker person and there's no way to talk it good.
Maybe it's true, that a lot of people don't give in to this. But the idea is allways the base of the action. And enaugh people DO give in to it. They just pass on the sorrow, pain and anger they might have experienced in their own childhood. That's no reason to lighten the guilt, even though it happens everyday, all over the world in a lot of court rooms. Don't blame another person or things in the past! You did it, nobody else is responsebill. And the past has happend, you can't make it undo.
You've got a brain, you better use it. Someone discovers that he/ she has pedophile feelings and thoughts ... woah, you better analyse yourself under a microscope! Independent from the thought of parenting.

P.S. Got carryed away. The others are right: It IS possible, but doens't change my attitude.

Answer 5

Is it possible for someone who is both attracted to children and adults to have children and be a good father?
I am attracted to both and it is a dangerous situation for me.
If you are married then could you bring another attractive woman into your home and be assured that you would never make a pass at her?
What if you have a fight with your wife or your wife is unfaithful?
What if your wife loses her attractiveness?
What if you get drunk?
What if your relations with your wife get stale?
What if the minor comes on to you?
Does anyone have an inkling of what determines the objects of our lust?

Sex is symbolic bonding, physical intimacy
and a chemical psychedelic effect that
makes fantasy, images, and symbols seem
more real, effective, and euphoric.
Sex is powerful and puts us in a different
world.
The above is pretty obvious.
It is obvious that sex somehow gets attached
to things that aren't a part of the intended
purpose of sex. If it gets attached to a
hang-up then that hang-up becomes so much
more fulfilling, rewarding, and enticing.
Are you aware of your emotional associations
regarding sex? What fantasy does sex fulfill
for you?
How well do you know yourself? Probably only
what is only on the surface unless you have
been through analysis.
A dangerous situation.

Answer 6

My brain doesn't function like a pedophile. Is confusing the way you presented the subject of your question and finalize your question, it seems only possible to be answered by pedophiles.
The accuracy of data and information you used to base your point of view, does not seem to be correct.
The correct definition of pedophile is: a person, whom is sexually attracted primarily or exclusively to prepubescent or peripubescent children. There are none adults sexual attraction by a pedophile, as you mentioned on your question.
I think, you must be confusing child molester with pedophile. A child molester feels sexual aroused by child and adults. Whose set sex for availability, are straight people having homosexual relationship, like those commons in jails for example. A child molester does not settle for kids because its availability, as you sustain. Lots of them are married and sex is easily available and yes, most of them are motivated by their fantasies and urges.
I watched once, a documentary about a family where the father whom was a school professor, used to sexual molested one of his son and meanies of his students. When his molested son grew up, he became also a sexual molester and like his father, he used to have sexual intercourse with his father's students after doping them altogether with his father! I hope I have been able to answer your questim.
PS: There is no controveresety on pedophiles and child's moleters issue. Most people share the same view about this subject. Isn't something that people have their opinion devided, like euthanasia.

Answer 7

I would say that if your definition of attraction is 'enjoying children and time spent with them, caring for and about them, NOT having sexual relations with them' is right, then I think any good dad should be a pedophile - you should like and care for your children should you not?

If you ask the question using the commonly held definition, then that person, in my opinion, should be baned from being around and having children of their own.

Sounds like the question is really more about word usage and its effects on communication.

If you are right about that definition, this is a case of re-casting a word to suit one's purposes like the novel 1984 - that is to say for example, redefining freedom to mean prison so freedom sounds like a bad thing.

Heck, I teach a children's Aikido class and love it because I think kids are cool. I would be mortified and would respond to defend my good name if someone referred to me as a pedophile because of what that word indicates it would effectively be a damaging false accusation - even if the reference is from the dictionary.

I have no idea, I just answered the question and haven't looked the word up.

Answer 8

Yes, even if you are attracted you children, you would not likely be attracted to your own children because it is a different relationship.

Just like, someone attracted to adults is not likely attracted to their mother, adult sister, adult children. The familial relationship is very different and attraction within the family would be an additional deviancy that the pedophile probably does not have.

Answer 9

Just because a man is primarily attracted to adult women doesn't mean he's going to rape one. Similarly, just because someone is primarily attracted to children does not mean he is going to rape them either. Our entire society worships young girls for their youth, health, "innocence". These are qualities that are sexually attractive to many.

We do not choose our sexuality, however we must take responsibility for how we act upon it. The person who asked this question seems to be highly self-aware and conscious. He knows that acting on this attraction is unacceptable in any circumstance. That's all we can ask of anyone.

Answer 10

Maybe you are correct technically, but to be honest, if the thought is there, the possibility of following through on the action is worth considering. Protection of the children involved is what needs to be considered.

But I guess in answer to your question, I guess it WOULD be possible for someone like you mention to be a good father to the children. But personally, I would be worried that the adult would take advantage of the child, and molest them. Maybe it is wrong of me to think that, but like I said, the priority needs to be the welfare of the child.

To be honest, this is a very thought-provoking and interesting question!