after divorce my ex wants me to sit down with her have coffee and talk about the kids, work, and what is going on with each other. this i dont understand i got a divorce to not be around her, all i care about is my kids. i spend as much time as i can with them!
2007-01-19 00:50:00 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
My husbands ex is the same way but he doesnt do it. She always wants to get in our bussiness and wants to tell him about hers. All we do is change the subject and the olny thing that she needs to know is about the kids and she needs to let you know about them to. Other then that I wouldnt do it. SHe probley isnt ready to let go and shes trying to get you back. The same thing I go though but you have to be strong and just let her know that you dont love her anymore and what goes on n your life is your bussiness and hers is hers. Thats one of those things of " You dont know what you have til its gone" She didnt about you and now your gone and she realizes it
2007-01-19 01:25:59 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to communicate with her for your kids. It is nice for them to see that even though you couldn't make it as a couple, at least you can still sit down and talk about what is most important, the kids. It depends on how messy the divorce was though too. If there was alot of anger and hostility during the divorce, it may take awhile to be able to sit down and have a conversation about the kids without it escalating into an argument. Basically, you are both adult who once shared something for each other, the least you can do is be nice enough to each other every now and then to discuss the kids, and yes, your lives as well. You need to understand what is going on with each other in case something comes up with the children and they ask questions. I am not saying once a week or anything, but occasionally, sit down with your ex, or even do it by phone and discuss what is important, your children and their lives.
2007-01-19 08:57:03 · answer #2 · answered by Stephanie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I guess the question I have is why do people feel the need to make their ex-spouse an enemy?
I recall telling my now ex-wife that my goal is to be the best husband or ex-husband that I can be, and she can pick the goal.
She decided that the best ex-husband meant that I'd be an (well, I can't say it here, but it wasn't pretty) She said that folks are supposed to hate each other after they divorce.
I guess I'm strange. I can seperate what she did, and hate that, from hating her. To me, they are two different things.
I guess if she doesn't like a behavior, she doesn't like the person. However, how does she cope with things our daughter does that she doesn't like.
The inconsistencies bug me.
So the real question is why do people have to no longer be friends after they divorce? I really believe the world would be a far better place if folks tried to be friends, or at least friendly, after a divorce.
2007-01-19 09:50:27 · answer #3 · answered by camys_daddy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You do not need to remain friend's after a divorce but,if you have children you should by all means remain civil with eachother.Your EX want's to get together and discuss not only the children but what is also going on with you for one simple fact(she is not yet over you)It sound's like you have moved on and that really is wonderful because in order to start a new relationship you have to be over the last one first.Your Ex is not at that point yet.You need to expalin to her that you have no problem discussing the children but your personal life is just that.What you do is not any longer any of her concern.You need to be firm and draw the line.Continue to be a responsible father and that does not mean that you have to explain or discuss anything other than the children with her.Good Luck.
2007-01-19 10:13:54 · answer #4 · answered by Maureen B 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are the father of her kids, she will always care for you because of that. She probably wants to stay friendly for the "sake of the kids." If all you want is to spend time with the kids set up a drop point, then you do not have to go to her house and she doesn't go to yours. Use a gas station, then she can't give an excuse to sit and chat.
2007-01-19 09:21:43 · answer #5 · answered by Jnine 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Could be a number of things. She isn't ready to completely let go of the relationship, even though you're divorced. She's comfortable talking to you. She doesn't want to feel alone. She wants to maintain some kind of relationship with you for the sake of the children to show them that Mommy and Daddy can still be nice to each other.
2007-01-19 08:53:51 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well you don't have to be friends but surely you would like to remain civil to each other for the kids sake?
Maybe you could tell her that you only want to talk about the kids and not other chit chat about work and your lives etc.
Although I think you are kinda lucky as everyone I know who is divorced is the complete opposite of friends!
2007-01-19 09:03:59 · answer #7 · answered by sydney77 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since you have children together, she probably feels that it is important that you keep the lines of communication open and show your kids that you two can be mature adults even though you aren't together anymore.
I personally think that sitting down to coffee, etc., may be unnecessary, especially if you aren't comfortable doing so. As long as you guys are communicating well about your kids, that's the most important thing.
2007-01-19 08:55:03 · answer #8 · answered by Arzosin 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Who knows? I guess she thinks that theoretically it is good for communication, etc. But you don't have to sit down and have coffee if you are not comfortable. Be civil to each other and there for the kids....that's all you have to be. I don't think some people realize how hard it is to go from being together to being just friends. Hang in there and keep trying to be a good parent! :-)
2007-01-19 08:54:43 · answer #9 · answered by CPA2B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
While you don't have to be friends after a divorce, it is crucial that you maintain a 'friendly' relationship with each other for the sake of the children. You have to be civil, and beyond that, you have to make sure that absolutely NONE of your hostilities get through to your children in any way. Perhaps that is why your ex is attempting to "be friends."
2007-01-19 08:54:29 · answer #10 · answered by emily_brown18 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This totally depends on the individuals or persons that were involved in the marriage relationship. It is good to remain friendly though because kids are involved... This is the right thing to do for the kids and whatever you do do not talk bad to your kids about your ex spouse. The kids need you to somewhat care abdout their mother so that they can see that you truley care about them because you care about the mommy that they love. I am not saying that you have to love her in a romantic way but you need to love her as their mommy.
2007-01-19 09:49:22 · answer #11 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋