Good news before the bad I suppose:
My fiance is a wonderful man, an amazing provider, and has not only found room in his heart for me but for my children as well. He's also tremendously supportive of me returning to school (even though he jokes about me being his retirement plan....lol).
However, he has one major flaw that makes me wicked mad, he never, ever, ever cleans up after himself. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate it when he cooks dinner (he is so much better at cooking than I am) after he's been working most of the day but he just doesn't know how to clean up after himself. Last night he made spaghetti with ground meat and left a greasy, saucy mess for me to clean up. It wouldn't bother me but until I get a chance to clean it up (I'm usually busy helping the kids with their school work) it's dried on and takes forever to clean up.
I have to admit, it really doesn't make me wicked mad but I sure as hell find it annoying.
What's your opinion?
2007-01-19 00:08:05 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I didn't say he cooks regularly, we share that chore. The difference is as I am cooking I am wiping up any mess I make. It doesn't bother me that he never does the dishes, it would just be nice if he just wipes up the mess as he makes it. And I do appreciate him I'm just annoyed that I had to scrape the stove clean again last night. I vented on here instead at him for the hundredth time because no matter what I say, he just won't think about so why gripe to him about it. It's also not that important of an issue to just pick up and leave over. I'M VENTING because that's what people do when something frustrates them. Believe me, he does it about me too because neither of us are perfect and it doesn't bother me when he vents to others nor does it bother him when I vent to others. Actually, over trivial things such as this he prefers it. Most of you are acting like you never get upset by what your partner does when I am quite certain you do.
2007-01-19 01:14:27 · update #1
If you don't you just might want to re-evaluate your relationships.
2007-01-19 01:14:57 · update #2
Does anyone ever really read the full added details section after the initial question? At the end I wrote :
I HAVE TO ADMIT IT REALLY DOESN'T MAKE ME WICKED MAD BUT I SURE AS HELL FIND IT ANNOYING.
I INITIALLY STATED THE QUESTION AS WICKED MAD BECAUSE OF MY ID, IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE FUNNY BUT OBVIOUSLY MOST CAN NOT PUT 2+2 TOGETHER.
2007-01-19 01:28:43 · update #3
It sounds like to me that you have it pretty good. Why don't you ask him to spray some cleaner on the grease and stains when he's done and then it won't be such a chore to clean up later or you do it right after you've finished eating, before you help the kids with their homework. He is providing for you and his kids, he's helping you with your education, and he cooks. What more do you want from him?
2007-01-19 00:27:58 · answer #1 · answered by golden rider 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm so glad you've found a good man:) Now for your question. If I were your fiance I would be wicked mad that you are so unappreciative. I'm sure he could make a case for wicked madness on his side too.
Here are the two cernarios I'm thinking of, he cooks regularly and leaves the mess behind. Well, he cooked, why shouldn't you clean up? It's not an uncommon arrangement.
If he rarely cooks and you usually both cook and clean up, well, he's removed a step for you and in that way lightened your load.
No, this is not situation which calls for wicked madness, but negotiation. Sit down with him at a non-heated time (in cold blood in other words:)) say on a Saturday afternoon and say, 'Honey, let's talk about this cooking, cleaning thing, cause it's not working for me, let's make a deal.'
My suggestion? Whoever cooks, make cleaning up a family affair, that way no one is standing over dishes alone and the process can be enjoyable. Older kids can help scrape dishes or take out the trash, younger ones can help clear, even if the only thing they can do is toddle over with a plastic cup in their hands. If you have children old enough to watch the younger ones for a few minutes, the two of you can have some very good moments over washing pots...A little handsies in the soapy water, and you can talk, spending a little more time that isn't right before you go to bed or get up in the morning. And we all need a little more of that don't we? I am very happy for you. Be well.
2007-01-19 08:25:23 · answer #2 · answered by Musetta F 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
These are the problems that every relationship has... No not all men are messy, some are extremely neat and tidy. However, when two diffirent people live together there will always be things that just do not fit perfectly together. Could you live with him if he never changes?? Is it something that is just too much for you to deal with?? Can you love him for his messy self?? It is not your obligation to stick with some one that drives you crazy.... Will he change, most people in relationships do over time learn to be more considerate. Most often it comes in tiny tiny baby steps though. You most certainly will not get him to change by nagging. At the same time you should voice your concern to him or you will grow bitter about it. Then it will end up being a huge fight. He is probably thinking of it as team work. His frame of mind is probably that since he makes you happy by cooking, he probably thinks that you are happy to clean the dishes for him.... Just as he is happy to cook... This means trouble!! because he will probably feel hurt when you bring up that he doesnt clean because he will probably then feel like you dont appreciate his cooking. The fact that I am sure you have already told him how much you love his cooking wont matter, he will feel like the only thing that you were thinking about was the fact that he didnt clean. Maybe you could compromise in a joking way.. You could say something like.... "Sweet heart, you should have seen me washing the dishes yesterday.. I looked so pathetic trying to scrub the dried spaghetti and ground meat off the dishes... I just wasnt strong enough to do it, it took me an hour and a half!!! It just took for ever... I think from now on we should just fill the sink up and immediately put the dishes in there, at least then everything wont be dried when I have the time to clean the dishes" That will accomplish two things.. One he will learn to appreciate what you are doing and wont just take for granted the work that you do... That way you will be appreciated for what you do. Second it will make him more conscious of the mess he is leaving.... It will also avoid a nasty argument over something that in 15 years will be silly to both of you... I wish you the BEST of luck and hope that you live happily ever after!! All relationships are tough!! It sounds like you are putting a lot of effort into your relationship, and I hope that things work out for you! I hope this helped....
2007-01-19 08:24:18 · answer #3 · answered by caleb d 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i happen to have a man like that when he gets home from work all he does is sit on the weekends he golfs and i do everything i have begged him to at least take the kids to the park once a month for an hour or so so i can get a break (these kids are his and mine) or just do anything with them i am at the point (and i have told him this ) that i am ready to go i can't stand any more and if he doesn't start paying attention to his kids that i am gonna move on and find someone who does.. so yes it makes me so fucing angry that most of my hair is turning grey and i wanna punch him in his lazy butt so i can relate in my opnion i woul talk to him again and if he doesn't think you have a point or the right to relax than move on..my man i have warned him is hanging on by a short thin thread and it's ready to break i would hate to break up my family over this but our youngest is almost 3 and he still has yet to take her and her brother to the park or cook dinner or anything how long am i to put up with this it's killing me.. good luck i just had an idea maybe we could get tazers and that might work...lol
2007-01-19 08:23:10 · answer #4 · answered by auntie s 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Please.
If you have a good man, don't get all pissed off over something like cleaning up.
It sounds as if you've got it good.
Keep looking at the big picture and stop sweating the small stuff.
You could very easily be with a jerk that may be clean; but doesn't bring you happiness.
2007-01-19 08:14:51 · answer #5 · answered by negrito con sabor 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
If he accepts your children and is good to them, let the messiness go. It is very hard to find a man who will accept another man's child and treat them with respect.
Just ask him to help you clean it up and if he doesn't, tell him he can't cook dinner anymore.
2007-01-19 08:51:17 · answer #6 · answered by finallyfree 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh my god, if that's the least of your problems you have it made. I can't even believe you would get pissed at something like this. He could be cheating, going to strip clubs, flirting with other women, degrating you, beating you, a million other things and you're pissed that he doesn't clean up. Christ if you don't want him I'll take him.
2007-01-19 09:23:12 · answer #7 · answered by Jersey Style 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
GET A LIFE, HE DOES ONE THING OUT OF TEN WRONG ,AND YOU GET BENT OUT OF SHAPE OVER THE CLEAN UP,
SOME MEN DONT CARE ABOUT SOME ONE ELSE'S KIDS,DON'T COOK, DON'T PROVIDE AND THEY DON'T CLEAN UP, HE DOES IT ALL RIGHT WITH ONLY ONE LITTLE THING GOING WRONG - YOU HAVE NOTHING TO COMPLAIN ABOUT!
2007-01-19 08:14:50 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
you must ask yourself what does he find annoying about me.. he is an amazing provider and you are an amazing complainer.. does this really balance out ..if he was a stingy smelly troll would it be ok if he cleaned up..
2007-01-19 08:20:54 · answer #9 · answered by pbear i 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Give him the flick, you're obviously too good for him. Get some perfect man. There's so many out there.
2007-01-19 08:12:10 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋