I have been married for 10 years. I have 2 kids and a very loving husband. I love him and my kids and my life. The thing is I have this ex boyfriend from before I met my hubby that I still have totally innocent contact with. If my husband found out he would be crushed! I know its wrong and I know what I need to do but i cant...Please give me some advice.
2007-01-19 00:07:54 · 29 answers · asked by Jakes Mom 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You know that is what I call the Cinderella theory. You married a wonderful man have a great life and yet you think about someone from the past. Ask yourself a few questions;
1 How would you feel if you found out your Hubby was "innocently" chatting with a woman from his past?
2 How will you feel when he does find out and leaves you breaks your home?
3 If the guy from the past was so wonderful why is he in the past?
4 What is worth hurting the ones you love?
This should get you where you want to be.
2007-01-19 00:14:19 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
I would say you cant have any contact with him.....you know why? Because it is innocent now, but just think realistically down the road sometime if you and your husband start having problems or just the regular marital bickering...you may go to him for advice or be hurting and you two could wind up doing more than what you might think. Then after that it will get real messy because you will have engaged in some sort of contact with him. You've been knowing him for years so you would feel really comfortable with him if you were to start having problems with your husband. Think ahead! This is innocent now, but it could lead to some serious serious trouble. Nip it in the bud before it has room to grow!
2007-01-19 08:51:20 · answer #2 · answered by Wisdom 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Perhaps I should not, but I take people at their word. You say this contact with your ex is "totally innocent." If that's true, I disagree with what others are saying and implying here, and I can tell by the way that you worded your question that I disagree with what you apparently think you should do. In this case, what your husband doesn't know can't hurt him. I belong to the school that simultaneously believes both that marriage should be treated with great respect, AND that people who get married need not give up their individuality. So, about this friendship, keep it innocent, keep it secret, and . . . keep it.
2007-01-19 08:20:18 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If it is innocent than you have nothing to worry about. What is wrong with sitting down with your husband and letting him know how you really feel about your relationship with him, and than ask him if he thought it would be a problem if you spent some time with a friend; letting him know that you ARE NOT interested in anything, that he is just a friend. I wouldn't spend a hell of a lot of time with him, but I see nothing wrong with spending time with him. Just reinforce your love and commitment and trust with your husband: And, if you do open this door; make sure you remind your husband of your feelings constantly, little notes and so on, or simple conversations over wine; just so he doesn't start to think about something happening. I have no problem with my love going out with a friend or friends, just remind me that I am wonderful and the it, and if I am not; tell me what I should change.
2007-01-19 08:57:54 · answer #4 · answered by NoAnswers 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay! Lets keep it real. You know like I know that it is not right. If you were not married that would be different, cause you are married that is totally different. See when you both said I do, there is alot you have to say " I don't too" and that is just the way it is. You should tell your ex that it have been fun and glad he is doing okay but you have to stay respectful to your husband. If for any reason something was to happen between you and your husband this man will not respect you the way he surpose to. So show him that you have strong love and respect for your husband. No love lost! Just let it go!
2007-01-19 08:15:40 · answer #5 · answered by ressie re 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
OH Honey, My first thought was, do what you know you need to do and I guess that is also the bottom line. Explain it to your friend and he should understand cause this could lead to a problem and hurt or lack of trust on your husbands part simply because you kept it a secret makes it look wrong. I know it is hard to drop a friend but in this case, to much is at stake and it is causing you unrest. Good Luck and Stay Happy. I have been blessed with a wonderful husband 54 yrs. & 5 great children. !!!
2007-01-19 08:28:45 · answer #6 · answered by Jill ❤'s U.S.A 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That innocent relationship u have with your ex boyfriend may become your undoing. Break off from that ex boyfriend let him know u're married and hapily too. I know it may be tough but you've got to start. You may start by making your husband the subject of dscussion perpertually on every occasion, whatever topic he brings up, divert it to your husband. He will see that you are trully in love with this new man you met and a reaonable man will honourably walk away. If you do not do this he may think you still have feelings for him and may feel he still has a hold on your feelings...he can take advantage of that. Please be wise, ave your marriage. Divorces are not born in a day, they come in gradually. Save your marriage for God's sake and that of your children.
2007-01-19 09:23:15 · answer #7 · answered by A O 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If the contact is totally innocent, there is no reason to hide it or to cahnge it. If you are going to continue it, it is better that you tell your husband yourself then that he hear about it from someone else. You can also stop seeing/meeting the ex-boyfriend all together. There is still a chance that your husband will find out about it, but you can at least respond with a, we haven't seen each other in a long time answer.
Truth is, if you are not feeling gulty about the relationship, you should be able to tell your husband about it.
2007-01-19 08:16:16 · answer #8 · answered by fangtaiyang 7 · 3⤊ 2⤋
You just said, "I have 2 kids and a very loving husband." And you're still in contact with your X behind his back??? Not cool. If you can't stop seeing and talking with your X, then you better hope your "Loving husband" doesn't find out.
If your husband gets mad and divorces you, that's your fault.
Good luck with that.
2007-01-19 08:19:37 · answer #9 · answered by Gasman 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Innocent? What if your hubby was doing the same? would it still be innocent? Why cant you cut him off? You must still have feeling for him, and secretly want to have an affair with him.............Why dont you just have sex with you ex? You might as well, cuz you are already cheating on your husband and your kids!
2007-01-19 08:15:30 · answer #10 · answered by Mr. Clean 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋