Pulling the baby early and my daughter is upset that it may be on her birthday?

Question

She is ten and knows that I have been really sick. With any luck the baby will come sooner other wise we plan to pull the baby out next week on my daughter's birthday. She is saying she is o.k with it but (not really)! It's in her voice and her actions that show me that she is very upset that we may not have a choice. I told her that maybe God wants this to be her birthday gift. Maybe her brother will grow up having her vary same likes and dislikes. Are there any other suggestions you can give me to help her feel better? Thanks

Answer 1

that was very good... maybe tell her how she will be proud to say that her and her little bro were born on the same day people will be suprised by that and she'll feel special... Good luck!

Answer 2

Poor kid. She already feels that she is losing her place and now she fears that she will lose her birthday. My daughter was 10 and not fully adopted yet when I was hospitalized with pre eclampsia. She was just trying to find her place in the family and this new baby was already taking her mom away from her.
Make sure she knows she is special. Do you have good family or friends that can spend the time with her that you can't right now. Can they plan something big for her birthday - make a big deal of it? Find any way that you can to remind her how special she is to you. That is really all you can do.
I hope the baby comes a bit sooner but if not I know you will do your best for both your children. I hope all goes well and you stay healthy - that's the most important thing (even though at 10 your daughter does not understand that).

Answer 3

If she has been an only child for her first 10 years of life, then yes she probably is having a hard time accepting the baby, and the fact that it will be born on her birthday. She knows that the baby will be a big deal for a while, and of course first birthdays are even a bigger celebration, so why shouldn't she feel upset, she knows she is not going to get as much attention on her birthday as this child, and having it the same day will definitly make it worse. Ask for a different day for the c-section, if thats what your having. Keep the days separate, shes going to take a while to adjust to this baby, and she doesn't want her birthday to celebrate the birth of a baby, she wants it to celebrate her day. And she probably isn't happy that your going to be in the hospital on her birthday, instead of at home eating cake, and doing a birthday party. Find a way to make this a great birthday for her, so she doesn't feel like shes not important anymore.

Answer 4

Sorry but i don't think any spin on the birthday gift will really work that well by all means give it a try but there is quite a big age gap between the two kids (was she the only child before the little ones arrival?) and she is starting to get to that early teen age where unfortunately the world revolves around them. I would speak to your doctor and schedule it for the day after her birthday if possible as it will still intrude on her day if you do it the day before. especially if she was an only child before you fell pregnant with your baby try as hard as you can to get your doctor to change the date as from an only child point of view this will be very life changing and she will have some major issues to get over without having to add sharing her "special day" as well as everything else. If you have time buy a gift from the baby to give to your daughter for her birthday. Best wishes

Answer 5

She's only ten. She's still in that self-centered portion of life. Regardless of you being sick (your supermom- what is sickness when it is a parent?) she is going to be jealous of the attention that this baby is going to get on a day that is supposed to be special for her. The fact that people are going to pay attention to the baby over her (because they WILL- it can't be helped) is going to reinforce this. Don't beat yourself up for it too much.

Just keep re-inforcing that there must be something special about that day. Keep her involved in everything you are doing, maybe she will pick up on the excitement. Sit down with a trusted family member or friend and have them take over her birthday stuff for you whether you have to go or not. Make sure other ten year olds who don't care about babies are there- she will have fun with them. Let the day go as planned for her, and you do what you need to. After the baby is born and you get to feeling better, take time out for some alone time to really celebrate the birthday with her.

Ten years is a big gap, so once the baby is born, there is a good chance that she will enjoy him as much as you do-and in about three years, she's not going to care because she is going to want birthdays that involve her and her friends and no one else.

Just give her a hug now and then so she knows she's special too, and remember that its all going to be OK. You don't need to be stressing over this!

Answer 6

She's ten. Maybe she was hoping for a toy, a party, or something else for her birthday, and she's worried that now she's going to get a baby brother instead.

She may also be imagining all the things she'll lose if she has to share a birthday. Tell her, since she's older, she will always get to pick what to have for a birthday dinner, or what color balloons to have at her party, etc.

Or she might just be worried because you've been so sick, and "pulling the baby" may be scaring her.

Answer 7

maybe she thinks that it's no more special if her little brother is going to share the same birthday as her. She might also afraid that she is not given enough attention or her limelight being stolen after the birth of her litle brother...

You may think it is very sweet to have both son and daughter born on the same day. But it would be more fun if the two children could celebrate two birthday in a year instead of once.

Answer 8

Which is more important to you--the health and well being of your unborn baby, or hurting your daughter's feelings? Why are you even attempting to rationalize with a 10 year old? Honestly (and I know this is going to sound terrible, so I apologize), you need to find a nice way to tell her to basically "get over it." 10 years old is old enough to rationalize and to know better. She should understand that the health of her soon-to-be-born sibling is incredibly important, and if the baby has to be born on her birthday, then that's just the way it is.

Answer 9

if its a scheduald c-section cant it be done a day or two after her birthday? you sould ask your doctor.

shes upset because her birthday is her special day. but if it HAS to be done on her birthday then tell her that God wanted her to have an extra special birthday prestent. Point out all the good sides to it like how shes one of the few who can say that her baby brother was lucky enough to share her birthday with her.

you could also ask her if she would want the birthday parties to be on seperate days. Like have her party on her birthday and then have his party sometime the next week.
well i hope everything works out for you and your family.

Answer 10

i visit respond to this interior the spirit of you actual being severe on your question, and under no circumstances basically spamming to work out what number of human beings you may dick with. there is genuinely not something with somewhat relaxing, I consider you. the problem i'm seeing right here, her age aside, is that you've overstepped your bounds. Your niece is your niece, not your daughter. it is your brother's criminal and moral responsibility, correct, privilage, and burdan to make stronger his daughter. nicely intentioned or not, If i'm to take this concern at face cost, your determination to provide this present has shown disrespect to the pastime he's attempting to do as a father. a present of affection or not, if it is going immediately hostile to what a confirm is making an attempt to finish for his baby's health as he sees it, then you truly are out of line. What you've done more desirable, is talk for your brother formerly and ask if this became an suitable present for your niece, and then probable negotiated your case. In then end though, you would nonetheless be obligated to respect your brother's needs interior the be counted. i do not recognize what your or your brother's socio-economic statuses are, yet except you're of very similar larger end economic earning, the fee of this present would also upload a rigidity through itself. would he be in contact about you overextending your self? would you galvanize jealousy in him that he couldn't provide for his own daughter as well? would he be offended at you for flaunting your more desirable fulfillment as he would see it? And is it conceivable you're compensating for a feeling of jealousy or inadequacy your self through choosing this strive against mutually with your brother? Is he older? Is he the 'renowned' brother? Is he the only which 'continuously does issues correct'? i recognize, this very last bit is somewhat too psychoanalytical for the question...yet, good day, imagine about it besides. In a blunt nutshell? What you've done, deliberately or not, is disrespect your brother as a confirm, as a guy, and as a sibling. it would want to not seem that way, yet it truly is what has occurred, and when you consider that of this he's having one of those problem. solid success!

Answer 11

Hello, sounds to me like your ten year old needs to get a grip. It isn't about her, it is about the health of her new sibling and mom. I think that we all (myself included) tend to put way too much into how the older siblings feel. I had a 14, 10 and 7 year old when I gave birth to my last daughter and they quickly learned how to manipulate everything into being the "baby's" fault. I finally wised up and taught them all about sharing and caring coming above and beyond when it comes to family.