Ive been married 29 yrs all of my life started dating him when i was 14, he was very abusive when we were fist married , now its turned to a mental abuse, He says you submit to me, i have to ask for everything can i do this or that, I have 3 children 26, 17, 12. I have left him only to come back because of my children that wouldnt come with me, i quit school to marry and raise my children, now i have no skills, im unhappy, and i have met a man who helps me and wants to marry me someday.
2007-01-18 23:15:02 · 12 answers · asked by sher 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If you are unhappy, leave. If the children won't come with you, so be it. They're old enough to say which parent they want to live with, so if they choose their father, that's fine.
Women need to stop thinking they can't leave because of the children. Fathers are just as capable of raising children as women are. Your kids aren't babies, so stop treating them as such. Tell them how you feel and hope they understand.
2007-01-19 00:31:44 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If before you were worried to leave him because of the kids then now your kids are grown so you should go ahead and finnally leave him!! you have put up with it for sooo much of your life!!! you deserve to be happy for once!! Dont go right away to the new guy, enjoy being on your own and do some fun stuff with your girlfriends, then when you ever start missing a guy in your life then bring in the new guy!! I would never reccomend breaking a marriage, but i think if he hasnt changed over 30 yrs then i think its very unlikely that he will change now. Anyway hope you get the courage to do this for yourself and be happy!! good luck!!
2007-01-19 07:23:34 · answer #2 · answered by ashi 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
"If there ever was any". Do you believe tht there was at some point, but he kind of killed it with his harse behavior towards you? Honestly in my opinion, you have raised your kids....26,17,12....these are ages where, especially the 26yr, 17yr old, sould be able to comprehend and understand what is going on. If they have been under the same roof or exposed to such demeaning behavior by your hubby towards you, than they sould totally get it, but may not want it, which leads to them understanding. Now YOu are at a point and time in your life where you have to decide whether or not you want change. YOu have been married to this gentleman for 29yrs. Thank about how its been and where its going. Let me tell you. I had an Aunt and uncle who; i guess went throught this precise change in emotions, stayed in the marriage for whatever reason, and ended up sleeping in seperate beds in there early 50's. When he cooked he cooked enough for him, and vise versa. They argued, all the time...lol. NO doubt they loved each other, but were they in love? She died before he could tell her tht, which she havn't heard for years, so i can say for atleast 26yrs, cause tht's how old iam....they carried on tht way. And no one got to say im sorry, lets live for each other, and find tht love thth we burried. So do you want this for yourself? You've raised your children and you do deserve happiness. Counseling is always a good option, is it at this level or beyond. Can your love for each other be unraveled from the hurting and painful years of abuse? Seek God if you havn't already. Life is too short to live it regretably
love yourself enough to make a decision, and stick to it. go to school get some skills girl..its never too late!!! enlighten yourself as much as you can, fullfill your intelectual needs..its ok. The point im trying to make is. YOu only have one, you cant go back in the next life and do something different have to do it NOW!!! in this life time, whether it be to reconcile the love , or to crash. "And one thing is for sure, tht other man isnt; going to give you the advice you need, the advice he needs maybe, in order to get you, but if there's any hope for your marriage...go for it. And "Calmly", let him know how it has felt all these years to be abused, how you feel now, adn what things need to take place for a change, and what things will happen if there isn't one.
good luck,
just a young girl who's been through alot:-)
2007-01-19 07:38:04 · answer #3 · answered by Beautynbeyond 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hi you seem very depressed. I would seek professional help immediatley. Although it is hard to leave kids behind you might have to for your own safety. My mum was in an abusive relationship for 20 years n only decided that wen her youngest turned 20 that she would split up with him. She has now found herself a boyfriend that treats her with respect and i have never seen her happier. I would be asking your children why they wont come with you. Are they scared of what there dad might do to them? has he brainwashed them? threatened them? they dont want to leave their friends? or are they jealous of your new boyfriend? all these questions are quite simple but be prepared as the answers might get complicated. Most marriages the male figure takes control and threatens the children that if they go they will either never see them again or they will bash them or hurt them. I hope this has helped, and i wish you luck with whatever you choose.
2007-01-19 07:26:05 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
so husband is abusive and controlling.
so where are the 3 children now? do you still live with this guy?
how does this other man "help" you?
go ahead and get a divorce, and marry him then.
I dont see a question here.
go back to school and learn something and get a job.
dont understand what you want here?
2007-01-19 07:24:41 · answer #5 · answered by cats3inhouse 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you should leave the ignorant P-g Submit to me OMG tell him to get out of the dark ages your children will come round to the fact mum and dad aren't together anymore go back to school and get your life back that is the best way to show him you don't need him come on girl best of luck x x
2007-01-19 09:28:29 · answer #6 · answered by andrea.barrett36 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be careful.does it take 29 years for one to discover that they dont love their mate.You loved him that is why you stood all the abuse.This new man has not yet committed himself to you and says he will marry you some day.Please be careful and take one day at a time Give ti time and you may find that he is not the one for you.
2007-01-19 07:21:06 · answer #7 · answered by jus-tus 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
girl get out of that damn relationship and take your kids with u. leave in the middle of the night or send them to live with and aunt or uncle until u get on your feet. many times women get caught up in these situations. you can't do anything but build yourself up and don't worry about getting with this new guy because you have to work on yourself first. get it together and don't try to fix a problem with a problem. what if this new guy end up just like the other guy? good luck
2007-01-19 07:23:26 · answer #8 · answered by step b 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you want out GET out. If you want to fuss and whine well then get a friend. You are responsbile for YOU! In order to be treated like a QUEEN you must first be a QUEEEN
2007-01-19 07:20:03 · answer #9 · answered by dumpllin 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if your husband is no more alive. and if you are awya from kids
u can think of a new partner.
after all life is to live
2007-01-19 07:21:19 · answer #10 · answered by sagar n sagar 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋