I'm don't get real nervous or anything but I'm having some real trouble that's really taking away from the image I want to portray to my peers. When I'm hanging out w/ my friends, there's no problem because there's lots of people to talk to but when it's just me and only one other person, I have nothing to say. The very slight awkwardness makes me change completely into nothing but a body. When they do talk to me, I create a very bad mood by only saying a few words and having nothing else to say which makes them not want to talk to me. I like to talk to people but I guess they end up not thinking of me as the quiet guy at all but just the one that's not fun to hang around with. I guess my inability to work as an individual is the reason why I have lots of friends but no real buddies or a "best" friend. It's also making me unsure like I don't know who I am. Without people I'm nothing but when I have people, I can't be anything so please help me overcome this.
2007-01-18 20:05:23 · 8 answers · asked by Shawn 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
When it's just you and one other person, let go of the anxiety. i know it's hard but there's a way to do it. If this person who you're with is a stranger, ask a few questions. This lets the person know that you're trying to get to know them. I start off by asking "How's it going?" Start using observations and spark a conversation by any observation you can make. Don't put all the pressure on yourself to be the main one talking. If the person isn't really talking to you, then the awkward felling you are having will be felt by the person you're with, which will force that person to start talking to you. They are going to see that you're trying to get to know them and it will make them feel they have to do the same. If the person is talking to you, listen to him/her and have eye contact. When you listen well, you'll come up with things to keep talking about. Always speak clearly and confidently and laugh with that person whenever you feel it's appropiate. If you still feel awkward after that or things don't go the way you planned, go to bed knowing that you tried to get over you're fear and that you made one step closer to getting over that awkward feeling. Be happy because you tried. They'll be other people you'll meet. So don't stress. Take one day at a time and stay at a pace that is healthy for you because change takes time. It may be longer than what you expect, but if so, then so be it. My dad used to tell me this: It doesn't matter if the turtle crossed the finsh line last. What matters is that he crossed.
2007-01-19 14:25:17 · answer #1 · answered by carmen 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sit down, grab a pen/pencil and start writing down all the wonderful things you're capable of and all of your achievements. Now write down what you believe to be your faults. Read these lists a few times (I'm sure your positives out-weigh the negatives as you seem like a great person considering so many people would like to be your friend when you're in a group.) You just need to believe in yourself as all these other people do. When you're in an awkward situation, remember these lists. You are a perfectly normal guy with real concerns. Be interested in what the other person next to you is saying and try to relate to it. Maybe you have some experience with the same subject and can share it with them. There you go! You're having a conversation with someone. This conversation could be the beginning of a great friendship.
2007-01-18 20:15:00 · answer #2 · answered by heather5683 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The lady right before me beautifully addressed the NOW. I want to address the now, but with focus on your future. You need to feel good about yourself as an individual. Choose something you love and concentrate on it. Playing guitar? Other musical instrument? Creating art? Martial arts? There's a million choices, but choose one and stick with it. Trust me on this one. It may seem difficult to commit to something. It is difficult. But you can decide to do it now, and in five years, ten years, you can really be proud and have girls admiring you, because women love a guy that shows tenacity toward something, or you can spend the next ten years hanging with your friends and playing on the computer and have nothing to show for it. Do it now. Make the decision to get through the uncomfortable times of practicing something. Because the discomfort will only go away if you feel good about yourself. If you feel good about yourself you'll be inspired to ask people questions and talk about their interests. What happens to people that don't choose an interset is that they feel worse and worse as they get older. Severe problems often result. Make it happen for yourself! Go get it. Visualize the kind of person and the kind of friends you want to have. Keep your mind steadily on that goal. Take the life you want and make it yours. Your life will be transformed in a year.
2007-01-18 20:18:48 · answer #3 · answered by itry007 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's hard to put yourself out there. I'm the opposite. I can talk to you one on one without any problems but when its a big crowd, I sometimes feel a little lost. So try this, when u start a conversation with a person start with some honesty. let them know that u are a lil shy at first and tell them to bare with you. when things start to slow down, ask something that u would like them to ask you. Or talk about something you like talking about but don't forget to include them in the conversation. If they aren't into it (the subject at hand) then ask them what they are into.
Great topics starters: what kind of work do you do? what do you on your spare time, hobbies? how often do you go out and when you do where do you go? what kind of music are you into? if they are in school, ask their major and what made them choose it.
I hope this helps you. Good Luck
2007-01-18 20:21:02 · answer #4 · answered by Sweet Shay 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Social anxiety is common with teens, if you are one. Sorry, dunno if you are or not. Just take a deep breath! Before you go into a social situation that you fear may make you uncomfortable, just well, clear your mind, and when everyone starts talking just focus on what theyre talking about, and try to jump in, don't think about what youre going to sound like. I know you say its worse when youre with one other person..well, maybe break the ice, listen to music..ask some random questions that may allow you to get to know them better..and go from there. Or..go somewhere light and airy, like a restaurant or cafe, that way you have interesting surroundings to acknowledge, and will give you other subjects to branch off to. Perhaps if worse is said, maybe the ones your hanging with alone arent the right people. it happens. good luck.
2007-01-18 20:12:38 · answer #5 · answered by Minty 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well theres a reason you feel awkward. Do you feel like she still has feelings for your friends or something like that. Try to make yourself stand out and have your own thing, dont worry about her past and what she's done with your friends.
2016-05-24 06:17:30 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Most of us do not have real buddies.
2007-01-18 20:38:57 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Think but don't overdo it before talking.
2007-01-18 20:08:38 · answer #8 · answered by saumitra s 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋