My sister married someone who appreared to be the perfect guy after a 10 mths of living together. Just after marriage, he stopped wanting sex ( 3 times in the last yr - I am serious).
He is moody and some days barely talks to her, yet when they are out not only is he the life of the party, but he is also very flirtatious with other women. Needless to say he drinks till he is paralytic - and states to everyone how much he loves his wife - its pathetic.
He asked her to give up her job, she is a glorified house keeper as he keeps tight control over her movements and is very demanding with the household chores.
How can a man of 39 not want sex? I know that there must be an underlying psychological problem but how do I help her....?
Personally I think she should pack her bags and go, but my sister is a very low key quiet person, all she wanted in life was a family.
I have asked her to get counselling and a job to start. But what about him? Should I suggest a detective?
2007-01-18 19:50:55 · 19 answers · asked by bumble bee 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You are right - it's none of my business!!! But I get long phone calls complaining and there have been times that he has kicked out - her sleeping at my place so he has made it my problem too.
My position is delicate - do I say not my business? Not only is she my sister but my best friend. My position currently is that I just listen - there is no way I will talk to him then I am really the middleman.
2007-01-18 20:11:14 · update #1
How about you stay out of your sister's marriage.
Did she ask you to get involved? Is she asking for your advice?
Nowhere in your question do you say she is unhappy. She is an adult, and it is her marriage.
Stay out of it.
2007-01-18 19:56:22 · answer #1 · answered by allforasia 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think you're on the right track. Serious psychological issues are going on there, not the least of which is his apparent alcoholism. The guy needs to get into counseling and possibly to see a psychiatrist right away. And your sister could probably benefit as well. If he's willing for the two of them to go to counseling together, I think that would be excellent.
Try to avoid getting between your sister and her husband in their relationship. I think it's great that you're helping your sister, but make sure that it doesn't turn into you being the middleman.
2007-01-18 19:55:39 · answer #2 · answered by drshorty 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i really do not understand why re u interfering with somebody's life. umless it is your own. but anyway, do u know how many women in this world want to be a glorious housekeeper? and how many can't afford to do that? so i say shut your gums and enjoy what u have. maybe a man is an impotent. or maybe he is just not turned on by your sister/u (whatever). so if u want poor life and working from 8 till 8 and no man at all - of course u re free to pack your bags. otherwise stay quiet and buy a vibrator
2007-01-18 19:56:55 · answer #3 · answered by jacky 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Help your sister dont leave her. Say you will pay for half on a private detective. Or you guys can follow him around : ) He may not be able to get it up...he is old. So maybe ask him that. Its possible also that he cheats, the many signs of cheaters...controlling, moody and not interested in sex
2007-01-18 20:16:33 · answer #4 · answered by I hate stupid ppl like you 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you know he might have some kind of sex problem, related to medication or something, and he feels unmanly about it.
Plus, how is it that you know so much about your sister's sex life?
There's some boundary issues there, seems like. Plus, he might be bipolar if he is moody and flirtatious, alternating with quiet and depressed. But from your description, he's got some control issues.
You might, too. Sounds like you are ready and willing to run her life. Help her if she asks, but keep out of it, unless he becomes abusive.
2007-01-18 20:01:06 · answer #5 · answered by A Military Veteran 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should talk to your sister first. Find out what is behind all this.39 not want sex? maybe he is gay.Or maybe he can not perform good sex, not to your sister's expectation.or perhaps others.Ask your sister what's she intends to do with this relationship before you call her to pack her bags and go.Forget about him if he is really no good. Don't go for detective, not worth it.
2007-01-18 20:03:38 · answer #6 · answered by 12know 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He needs a complete physical. He is either ill, or in love with someone else.
Continue to tell her to seek counseling, as well as to GET A JOB. After that, she should find a Private Investigator if she is willing. If there is that much suspicion, "where there's smoke, there's a fire!"
2007-01-18 19:56:33 · answer #7 · answered by domesticgoddess 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you should not suggest a detective. why dont you call both your husband and your sister, start talking things out so if there is any problems no outside will know.
detective is a waste of money, if you can solve the problem your self
2007-01-18 19:56:22 · answer #8 · answered by deadman12319 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stay out of it. It is her problem. You get envolved and you might ruin your relationship with your sister.
Drinks alot, no sex, might be depression. High Blood pressure, many things. Do nothing but suggest to your sister that she ask him him to see a doctor.
2007-01-18 20:02:11 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, as awful as this sounds, she won't get her family if her husband is no longer putting out....to me, it sounds as if he has started finding sex elsewhere. I think you have the right opinion, but unfortunately she will need to make that decision on her own - with you supporting her all the way :)
2007-01-18 19:55:56 · answer #10 · answered by ForeverAnAngel 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He sounds like a control freak and wants to control her body and mind... She could do with dumping the jerk and finding someone who will bed her at least 5 times a week... :D
2007-01-18 19:57:24 · answer #11 · answered by Forlorn Hope 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋