About 6 years ago my husband had an affair with my best friend. I was the better person and stuck it out with my husband, wanting to give my children the life I didn't have. I even tried to work things out with her. We talked every once in a while but pretty much were just acquantances, it was just to painful.
I found out a couple of months ago that she called him and told him how much she loved him and missed him! I asked him how many times they slept together and he claims just once and acts as surprised as I am that she is doing this.
Well she called again and I sat there and listened to him tell her, 'I love my family and this was all just a mistake", she was hurt and crying. Should I have sympathy for her? Should I feel bad?? I hate her so much right now!
Now everytime she drinks she calls my husband asking him to leave me and the kids. I am getting so sick of it!
She won't even talk to me and tries to be sneaky about it.
I am about ready to just leave him!
Advice ??
2007-01-18 19:47:03 · 18 answers · asked by my_bad_ass_kids 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I ran out of room before. Just to everyone who is saying change the number, impossible. We own our own business, theres no where to hide.
I really can't pick a best answer you have all been awesome and gave me some great advice and ideas!
I appreciate it! I also appreciate the kindness!
<3
2007-01-19 19:58:39 · update #1
If you husband is truly sorry for his part in it - and it sounds like he is - then don't blame him - he has made and paid for his mistake... this is her doing, not his. Stand by him and show him your renewed trust - stick together and you can work through this.
First thing first: change your husband's telephone numbers. If he has a mobile (cell) phone, get him to get a new one/change the number. Make sure she has no way of finding it out. Change your home number if she might call there, and if he has a work number, see if he can switch phones with someone in his office... it might be a pain for a little while, but it will show her you're serious about your intentions for her to stop, and she will get bored of getting wrong numbers all the time.
Secondly, does she have family or friends-in-common you could get in contact with? Have someone have a serious but quiet word with her about her behaviour - at the very least you may be able to embarrass her into stopping... her behaviour may not seem erratic to her, but if she realises other people are becoming aware, hopefully it'll put an end to her mad streak. Have this friend tell her that you will consider a restraining order against her regarding your home and your husband - and I'm sure your husband will agree to this if he is indeed as uninvolved with her as it sounds.
Lastly, work together and talk about this as much as you can. Tell your children to only speak to people they know, and never trust being picked up from school by anyone except yourselves and their main carers (such as babysitters and grandparents).
Keep your family close and safe.
Good luck.
2007-01-18 19:52:33 · answer #1 · answered by Extra_Sweetcorn 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I bet money that they slept together more than 1 time. You can set up a trap, tell your hubby that you are going to stay the night at so and sos house to help clean or whatever. Take your car also. Get a rental and drive past your house when you know your hubby is home and see if she shows up. You can also hire a P.I. to watch him for a few days to see if they are in fact still cheating. Its happened before....he says its over but its not really over. OR you can call the Maury Show and have him take a lie detector test!!! Its free and you will kne ow what hes up to. OR even cooler!! You can find a friend hes never met before OR go on craigslist and hook up with a lady., let her know whats going on, and see if she can try and seduce him. Check the computor history and see where he goes online. If he chats online set up a fake account and pretend to be someone else and send him messages.
2007-01-18 20:23:28 · answer #2 · answered by I hate stupid ppl like you 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She sounds like a full on T.W.I.T. Is she calling on your land line or his cell phone? If it's the cell check the bill for calls to him or from him when you are not around. You may want to consider changing his number or add another number for a transition. If it's the land line set your answer machine so you can screen each call and answer only those you want to speak to.
You nor your husband should ever speak one word to her...it gives her hope when he answers and it probably makes her day to know you are getting mad at him because of her. Her being sneaky is just one way these sicko twists try to confuse you into thinking your hubby is trying to hide his involvement with her.
Document every call she makes with the thought you may need to turn this over to the police to force her into stopping.
Above all...she knows you personally...be vigilant...be safe!!!
2007-01-18 20:31:18 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some men can really be pigs and it sounds like you have one on your hands.Remember you only no what your husband told you.You can be sure he isn't telling you everything.That is just one of the rules men live by"never tell everything" and believe me they don't.My husband went as far as to swear on his sick mothers life that he never cheated on me.Well guess what,come to found out the A hole had been cheating on me for over 3 1/2 years without me knowing about it.What I'm trying to say is don't believe him about it only happening just once.He must be some kind of man if it only took one time having sex with him.No woman falls in love that fast knowing full well he is married and is going back home to his wife after they get through fu(ing.It sounds to me like it's been going on for awhile and it also sounds like he made her some promises and he got cold feet or she was pressing him to leave you.You will never no the fool existent of their relationship and that might be for the best.He has hurt you enough why make it worse for yourself. GOOD LUCK1
2007-01-18 20:53:35 · answer #4 · answered by Teenie 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Call your phone carrier have them switch your phone number to unlisted number.If you have cell phones.Do the same with them.She will not have the new number to place her call to your home/husband.No I would not have any sympathy for her.She is trying to destroy your marriage and the lives of your children.You and your husband should file for a restraining order against this woman to prevent her from contacting your family.Why should you leave?He loves you.You love him.You have a family together.She is not worth losing your family over.
2007-01-18 20:38:59 · answer #5 · answered by noga 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if he was still cheating on u u would be able to feel it, intuition. no it would not be good to become her friend, and show any compassion for her. whatever happened it is now over between them, u stayed in the marriage and u won out, most woman would not have been able to. she is just angry that he didn't leave u. she became more of a liability to him than an as sett, mostly for giving him ultimatums, and trying to get him to leave u, but good won over evil, and he stayed in spite of a temptation. just avoid this very sick mentally ill woman, who cannot face or accept reality, who wants to hold on to her attachment no matter who it hurts. get your number changed, and get a restraining order because she could become violent, as she still loves him, and wants him and even him telling her the truth hasn't stopped her.
2007-01-19 00:03:06 · answer #6 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you don't have to have any sympathy for her at all. But why isn't your husband getting rid of her, why hasn't he said he said lets change our number or hung up on her? Maybe you Should ring her and ask why does she so badly want to ruin your kids life or leave it on her answering machine if she keeps hanging up on you. Stalk her back. Leave if it is best for you and your kids.
I hope you sort things out.
2007-01-18 19:55:30 · answer #7 · answered by MJ 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Have nothing to do with the woman. Next, tell your husband that when she calls to hang up on her. He has no business even talking with the woman. He cheated on you with her, if he wants to save his marriage he shouldn't disrespect you by even answering the phone when she calls much less talking to her. If she continues to call file a TRO on her as others have suggested.
2007-01-18 19:54:51 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you live in the US your husband can file harassment charges on her. It would sure let her know that he is not interested anymore. It sounds like she is trying to drive a stake between you and your husband, if you really want to remain married its going to take both of you to stop her.
No you shouldn't feel bad, she knew he was married and she was your friend, let the broad cry all she wants.
2007-01-18 19:54:16 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
why would u leave your hubby ? it would mean she achieved her goal and u re just handing him to her with a bow on top. i say your hubby might change his phone number or go to police and file harassment and take her to court if she doesn't stop. your husband didn't do anything wrong - he told her in front of u he doesn't want her to call. it is not his fault she is calling him. u shouldnt' feel pity for her, just block her out of your lives. the first and best thing to do is for your hubby to change his number now. good luck. do not be stupid, do not leave your hubby.
2007-01-18 19:52:54 · answer #10 · answered by jacky 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋