Help me!!! I cant do it!!?

Question

I have been with this man for almost 3years. We have been through so SO MUCH things alot of relationships would normally not with stand. We got in engaged xmas before last.(2005) (he wanted a long engagement) and we are suppose to be getting married in June. I feel this past year I have seen him for who he really is, and its not good. He has changed so much already I dont want to marry him anymore!!!! But all our friends are so happy are parents are so happy and they are working so hard on the wedding. But I dont want to do it!! I feel trappped almost b/c i dont want to hurt everybody or him. HELP ME!!! Please be sensible.

Answer 1

Are you sure you just dont have cold feet? Perhaps to be really sure suggest a small get away with your fiance and really look at it from all angles. Is the things he does little things that have blow out of propotion? If you answer all of the above and know that he is not the one you truly love... then you need to tell him. Sit him down and explain the reasons why you cant go through with it...eg youve drifted apart and have different directions etc. After talking to him the let your parents know. They truly only want your happiness and at first will be confused but will support you. Dont let it continue til you cant get the money back you have forked out for the wedding if that is truly what you want. Be strong ! And make a decision ! Good luck

Answer 2

You need to talk to someone you can trust about this NOW. It sounds like you're hesitant to talk to your family about it, because of all they're doing. But, they need to know soon, before too much money is invested in something that isn't going to happen. This is where having a pastor is a big help. And this is why I always suggest to people that they get marriage counseling BEFORE the wedding. Having counseling would have shown you these problems sooner, so that you could have stopped all the wedding preparations. If you have a pastor, go to him and talk to him about this. I'm sure he'll encourage you to tell your parents that you don't want to get married to this man. Since you don't want to marry him, DON'T. You are not obligated to marry anyone, no matter how much has been done, or how much money has been spent. Marriage is forever, and you've found that you don't want to make this big commitment to this man. And why should you? I understand that you don't want to hurt anyone. But, what's the alternative? Do you sacrifice your own life just to make everyone else happy? Or do you back out of what will be a very miserable wedding & marriage now, before it's too late? Waiting will only prolong your misery. Eventually, everyone will move on and get over it. And so will you. I'm sure that, once your parents hear your reasons, they won't want you to be miserable, and will support your decision. But, do it NOW. <*)))><

Answer 3

You're in a big trouble gurl, you don't even have any choices to choose at. Sometimes sacrifices doesn't result to a happy ending. You found out the true personality of that man you're going to marry and it doesn't please you anymore, maybe you're offended or disappointed perhaps? But considering the years you'd been through along with that man, if you really love him you can accept who he really was and you can understand all his undesirable traits. The question is, what if you don't love him that much? and you can't never accept the real him? Then why pursue marrying him? At the end you'll be the one who will suffer and repent, the worsting is you put your self in your own agony. Your relatives, friends, and parents will understand your decision if they really love you. They would respect your choice and would even support if they do symphatize with you. If not, maybe they're just disappointed perhaps because they all expect you'll gonna marry that man. Maybe they'll get mad, or have comments etc..but they would understand after sometime. The important is you are true to your self and your not fooling anybody. You have your own reasons so be it, they'll gonna be hurt, yeah of coarse but at least you didn't fool all of them by pretending that you still love that man even though its not anymore..Hope this could help

Answer 4

Marriage is a big step, it's normal to be getting cold feet, you might realize all that you're giving up. But on the other hand if you feel that in the long run, this relationship is bound to fail get out of it before you hurt yourself and him. Your family I'm sure will rather lose the deposit money on that banquet hall you guys already reserved, than to see you miserable in the future, with a failed marriage, and possibly with the responsibility of kids dealing with an inevitable divorce of their parents. Remember it's better just to come out to the open and talk about it. Discuss it with him first, what is bothering you about him, maybe it's small things that can be resolved, maybe just put the wedding on hold for awhile, chances are he's having second thoughts to that's why he might be acting up a little. If you guys are meant to be things will take its course, don't pressure each other, you've been with him for 3 years why not wait a couple more months before saying your ""I do's"" Go over your vows and ask yourself if you truly can abide to them, or are you just reciting them, for the ceremony. Good luck.

Answer 5

It sounds to me like your inner voice is SCREAMING a big warning to you right now. Deep down you know that this is not right for you. Don't go through it out of duty. You must tell your parents and your closest friends the truth. Your parents would not want you to marry anyone that you obviously have seen for the worse. I'm sure they'll support you. Break it off as soon as possible. The longer you wait, the worse for everybody it will be. Financially speaking, some things might be refundable at this time. Even if it is not, it's not worth the money to go through a marriage that you know is a bad idea. Be strong and stick to your guns. That inner voice is there for a reason. You should listen to it, it's there to protect you! Best of luck to you.

Answer 6

Firstly, your family and friends don't have to live and sleep with him so what they are feeling has no significance right now.

Take time to think over this decision. It is easy to get married but very difficult to get divorced. They wont even consider divorcing you until after you have been married for a year in any case.

If you tell your friends and family the reasons why you do not wish to marry him do you think they would understand?

Now is the time for you to think of yourself at this difficult time and don't worry about what other people may say or do.

Good Luck

Answer 7

do it NOW!! It would be worse if you ended up not showing for your own wedding, when everything is ready and you are about to walk the isle. If he is changing now, just imagine what he will be like after you get married. Do you live together? If so leave while he is away. Talk to your parents though before they spend to much money already. They will understand once you explain what is going on to them. They will not want you to pull a britney and get divorced 24hrs after you r married

Answer 8

Don't worry about anyone else...this is your life, your decision and you don't have to explain yourself to anyone. The worst thing you could do is deny your feelings and get married since it most likely won't last or you will just be unhappy for the rest of your life. You should consider seeing a therapist now so you can get over your fears, make the decision for yourself and take charge of your life since you have to live in it and not everyone else does so they have no say. Sometimes we make choices for ourselves and those around us don't agree or understand but we have that ability to make decisions that effect us and should always go with our heart or instincts and someday they will understand. And if they don't at least we can be happy. Good luck and please consider seeking counseling to build up your personal strength to be who you are and not what others want or think you should be.

Answer 9

Oh wow, o.k. here goes. What is the advice you would give your own daughter if she were in the situation........................

Your parents love you and your friends would totally understand I mean if anyone of them came to you and ask you for advise on the same thing..

another thing ..how pist would everyone be that they blew all that money and time on a sham. If i were your friend or parent I would feel as though I had been taken.

And screw him . he's an adult. he can handle it. besides it would hurt him a lot more being married for a few to someone who didn't want to be married to me. Maybe hes feeling the same and is too chicken to say it first. Your probably NO you would DEFINATELY be saving each others life by calling it off now. Now. ok now

Answer 10

the most important thing in marriage is that you and your soon to be husband are happy. It doesn't matter if his family or your family or your friends are happy. I am sorry that things didn't turn out how your friend and family wanted it to but it's your life. If you feel you will not be happy marrying him then it's time to call the wedding off before either you, him, or your future children get hurt.