It happened in October, but it still hurts, and I think about it a lot. She waited 5 months before she decided to have it, before then she insisted she was keeping it. We talked about marriage and were engaged for a time, but it would've been a mistake to get married. I'm angry at her, but I'm mostly mad at myself. I wish I could've protected my baby. I said I would adopt or my sister would and she could see the baby and not have to see me. But it was no use. I really just want to hold my child. I feel like it's not PC or something for me to talk about how this makes me feel so I mostly don't talk about it. Is it really so strange for a man to feel this way about his aborted child?
2007-01-18 19:28:26 · 13 answers · asked by no mas 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
i feel truly, truly sorry for your loss billy. i wish women would consider the life they are ending, especially at that stage of development - i would do anything to be able to have another child. what a waste. and i have the utmost respect for your very human feelings. i can't make the situation better for you, but you are very understood and my thoughts go out to you. from a woman.
2007-01-18 19:39:22 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I speak from personal expierence. And though many may not agree, It was my body and my choice. I am engaged to the man as well. I knew in my heart that I wasn't ready. Granted. I wonder "what if?" As does he. For me, I felt at the time I was unable to give the child the life it deserved. It comes down to the woman and her body. And despite my religous beliefs, it would have been too hard to carry a child in the womb and have it ultimately whisked away for someone else to adopt.
I pride you for wanting to take responsibility, and wanting the connection and for being a man and taking responsibility. It is okay for you to feel as you do. But it seems as though you should share this with your girl as well. And if she is someone that a man like you would consider marrying, she will listen and understand your view. You both need to talk, don't let the guilt and anger eat at you. You are a good man. Talk to her because you need answers and you don't need to live your life angry. She may need to hear your side as well; because abortion is very personal. Ask her how she feels. It may have not been as easy for her as you might think. It wasn't for me.
2007-01-18 20:09:15 · answer #2 · answered by Adrianne 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hun, the only strange thing would be if u didn't have any feelings about it at all... but since u do, it's very natural to feel for the loss of ur child... men have the same feelings as women, they just show them differently... u may never get over these feelings, but it will get better as time goes by... it's only been what, 3 months? it's not a feeling u can just get rid of over night... it's good to get it off ur chest though... so don't hold back... it gets easier the more u talk about it...
2007-01-18 19:45:44 · answer #3 · answered by buddahbump 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Friend, many things happen in life which are beyond our control. The control over whether to keep or abort the baby then is with your ex. We dont know her reasons for doing so. But i think she decided it for her life. Its painful really, and what u feelin now is normal. But, we cannot do anything about it. You did your best to keep the baby. I would say, you shouldn't feel guilty. Acceptance of failures and pain is halfway the solution. Move on friend. Life is too short.
2007-01-18 19:42:50 · answer #4 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think its completely normal. It just shows you have a heart and emotions. I'm sure she feels the same way or if not now she will. I do understand though. You will never forget this and there is nothing you can do about changing it. I'm sure time will make it a little easier but it is a death so I guess you have to go through the same steps you would if a family member passed away.
2007-01-18 19:34:27 · answer #5 · answered by ginger 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is a very normal feeling. You should be grieving, this was your child. There is a book for men to work through post-abortion, just like women have. The women's book is called "Forgiven and Set Free", I can't remember the title of the man's book, but most book stores should have it or be able to get it for you. I know other men who have gone through this and it is heartbreaking for men as well. Try to get the book and try to talk to someone. Good luck to you.
2007-01-18 19:39:56 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
not at all. i think you have a very big heart. and that is really unfortunate that she would do that. its a big loss and will probably hurt for quite a long time, if not your life. it is something that has been on a friend of mine's mind for nearly 23 years. although you cant bring that child bac, you should move forward and you'll have another bundle of joy sometime in life, and it will more than likely be with someone you love =)
2007-01-18 19:38:26 · answer #7 · answered by Punk_as_fuc 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
she sounded very young and confused. You are normal to grieve especially since she waited 5 months before she decided to terminate... You both should go to counseling I bet she is grieving also, in a partial abortion doctors induced her labor so she had to actually give birth. Sorry for your loss.
2007-01-18 19:57:49 · answer #8 · answered by kamsmom 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No it's not strange for you to be upset. It was your child to after all. However, keeping your feelings to yourself is not healthy. Here's a link to a post abortion support group. I hope this helps!
http://www.realchoicespcc.org/pasupport.html
2007-01-18 19:45:50 · answer #9 · answered by Kandy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is it really so strange for a man to feel this way about his aborted child? >>> it's not strange. your're the father of the baby that she aborted. i think it's natural for you to feel that way. you were so excited to see the baby but then she did that horrible thing...
2007-01-18 19:37:16 · answer #10 · answered by iamdeyb 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋