I am an honest person who now knows that I am deeply in love with my wife, I have sort of failed to touch her heart before, would love to be able to make her realise this but someone else has touched her heart and she has been frank with me and not hidden anything and has come out of that (non existent) relation, she was really crazy for the past 3 months for this person, now she is trying her best to be a good wife but is finding hard to give me the love. She appreciates the changes in me and does adore me but something is stopping her from coming close to me. She has also sort of taken back and feels quite lethargic and I can tell that she misses this other person terribly in her mind but how can I help her? I have understood what she felt and even befriended this other gentleman and have spoken to him and he too admits that this is craziness but it is my wife who outwardly agrees but inwardly is grieving for something she can never be happy with.
2007-01-18 18:29:13 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Social Science ➔ Psychology
We have two children whom we both love dearly and my wife is not wanting to leave me but is struggling to let go of the other relation in her mind, which gives her so much pleasure. I am trying to help her come out and am seeking help.
2007-01-18 19:04:43 · update #1
be honest, up front and frank with her....
there is more love in one ounce of integrity than in fifty pounds of romance...
but if you want to start to pay attention to your wiffe then you are going to have to sit down and think really hard.... see her for who she really is...not what you have imagined her to be all this time... hear what she is really saying and not what you think she is really saying...
one touch of the hand... a gentle smile... a reasurring word can do so much to really touch the heart of another...
do not try to buy her back with romantic dinners, flowers and chocolates... that is not what she has been lacking... she has been missing the powerful passionate feelings of deep love...
if she is sitting around day dreaming of this other man then you need to tell her to pull herself together and get back into life.... tell her she can stay or go... you'd prefer she stayed but only if she really wants to stay with you...
dont use the kids one way or the other as leverage tool.... that is unfair to everyone expecially the kids..
as for befriending this other man I would say that is a limp wristed effort to try and be everything to your wife and to try ad see if you can compare yourself to him..... dont bother it is a waste of time and energy...
2007-01-21 09:17:51 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Revised to say:
With children in the home, and a desire by both of you to stay together, I think you have much to work with. What brought you together initially? Think back. Maybe you like different things now? Maybe she's always wanted to go to the theater, hear live music, or travel? Maybe you both enjoy hearing local lecturers? I suggest getting some local papers, and looking at the local events for ideas. You can suggest things to do together (leave the kids home). I suggest dinners out (also without the kids). You and your wife need time to rediscover each other--alone. You've both probably changed over the years. In time I think she can forget this other person. Really, he is an illusion. You are the reality she has shared for the last 15 years. Good luck.
2007-01-18 19:00:42 · answer #2 · answered by away team 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like your wife has been really hurt by this inablity to be with the other man and probably for the most part it is guilt that is plaguing her because I'm sure she loves you very much, but she found someone else that she enjoys being around. This probably tears at her heart. This conflict most likely keeps her from getting too close to you, just in case she has to hurt you again. I'm not sure what you can do other than tell your wife that you want her to be happy because if she isn't than you aren't either, right?
2007-01-18 18:36:03 · answer #3 · answered by nitespector 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
wow therapy time. your wife needs to learn to forgive herself for her misdeeds. there are sound reasons for not committing adultry and she is going to have to learn them all and forgive herself for them.
you need to stop blaming yourself for what you could have done.
the best way you can help her is by not letting her focus on what she has done when you are around. constantly look for things that you both enjoy. thats what relationships are supposed to be about. cook her favorite meal and have her cook your favorite meal. or go out and get some pie at dennys and talk outside the home in more neutral grounds where the air is clearer.
both of you have to realize tomorrow is a new day with new beginnings and new opportunities to make the best of everything. the past is done. no use beating yourself over the head for it. fix it and go on. if your car breaks down you dont' leave it in the street do you? jeez. move it!
2007-01-18 18:46:24 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you really loves her and you want to help her, please let her go.You probably had taken her for granted and neglected her long time ago.That's why other people can touch her heart.When a wife loves her husband,not even a hairline crack can be notice in her heart.No one else can enter her heart except her husband.Now, it's time for you to let go if you think that the other gentleman is better than you for your wife.
2007-01-18 18:45:33 · answer #5 · answered by 12know 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You love her...than fight for her.....don't bow out..your 15 years into this...show her how much you love her...words isn't enough..deeds speak more loudly than words...no more indifference.....you could still lose her...but at least you did all you could to keep her...bowing out now...you will regret later....start with a new slate..court the woman again...make her feel like she is the center of your universe...and don't do the same old routine...truly start over.......
"If you love them than set them free and if they love you they will come back".....crap!!!...show her ..she is worth fighting for....the worst that can happen is she will leave..and this might happen anyway.........
I feel for you man...I hope everything works out for you........
*****
she is not wanting to leave..that good...ok, give her new experiences to dwell upon ...sweep her off her feet....be creative ..different....feed her emotions with new and different things...don't give her time to dwell on the other...fill all the voids.......she will come around....
2007-01-18 19:06:41 · answer #6 · answered by LeftField360 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You really need to go to couples counseling. It's great you both are working on it, but there are SO many issues here. Please go to therapy. It can "fix" these issues.
2007-01-21 21:08:59 · answer #7 · answered by avalonlee 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋