I met the man of my drems blond hair, blue eyesand six foot talk everything I wanted. The problem is he has 2 children on who he has been treated like a baby all her life.She is 7 but still acts like a 2yr old. The other one has ADHD and hates my guts. Woun't do anything I saywhen his dad is at work. we have been seeing each other for 1 year and17 days today he wants to get married I want to be with him. Should I just give up on this relationship or not?
2007-01-18 18:12:11 · 17 answers · asked by Knight 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
I have 4 kids of my own 1 girl 10 and3 boys with ADHD.
2007-01-18 18:24:06 · update #1
Also his boy who has ADHD is 9 and has tried to kill himself 3 tims in the last 2 years.
2007-01-18 18:25:41 · update #2
He is also my soul mate if it was only because of the way he looked I would not be with him because he is not a sexy man. By the way they live in my house.
2007-01-18 18:42:35 · update #3
ok well if i was in the situation i would stay with him but tell him to help his kids to be more open with u maybe take them somewhere and get to know them and be there best friend! then it will all fall into place.......
2007-01-18 19:11:26 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Of course the kid doesn't do what you say. You're not his mother, or even his stepmother. You're basically a stranger in his house while his dad is off at work, which is TOTALLY inappropriate! Are you living together? Are you staying the night? You shouldn't be doing either with his children there. You can't expect the kid to do what dad's girlfriend tells him to, and you shouldn't be in a position to be telling him anything.
If "everything you want" can be summed up by physical characteristics, if you're a grown woman who is counting down to the day how long she's been with someone, if you're ready to walk away because someone else's child won't do what you say, you're not ready for this relationship, or for these kids. They need and deserve more than that.
2007-01-19 02:28:08 · answer #2 · answered by EQ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Step parenthood is a tough thing. I have had several in my life, and the ones who I respected the most were the ones who showed any sort of discipline. Watch out, however. If the father is babying the children, he may use you as a tool to discipline to make himself look good. If you do nothing but enforce the rules he has set up for his kids, eventually they will come around. If you go off the handle and try to impose your own rules and standards, they may turn on you. Whatever you do, dont force them to treat you like a mom. You have the luxury of being more their friend than a birth parent, and you can use that to make them obey you. Worst case scenario leave it up to the father to discipline. However, breaking off the "perfect" relationship because of his kids would be a bad idea.
2007-01-19 02:24:11 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
kids will be kids. don't let that affect your relationship with him. You speak of physical features, does his soul satisfy you?
The kids will grow up and mature and they also have to get over the thought of you being a replacement and see you as a separate individual. If you are strong, and think that the love you share is worth it, then go for it.
Most kids don't listen :p They test your limits and see what they can get away with. Maybe your approach is wrong. You get more bees with honey ... I have baby-sat friends so-called hellish kids, who while the mother was sleeping would sneak in the fridge and shove butter in the radio. I treated them like human equals and they would help me clean the house. (2yr old and a 17 month old). Try different ways to interact with the children and be patient. Remember, you are the adult and must show some ambivalence.
2007-01-19 02:21:53 · answer #4 · answered by just another guy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow. I want to feel for you but it's not about you. These children did not ask to be born. It's hard to adjust to change when you are small. Especially if you have been through a parental break-up. Kids can be a pain. But...you are the adult and if you are not willing to give these kids all you have...by all means, give up. You'r right, I sound a little harsh. I have two step-parents. All children need stability and security. You would be suprised how different it can be if you persevere and love all of the family, not just dad. Hang in there, if you have the sand to do it for them.
2007-01-19 02:20:40 · answer #5 · answered by daisyjzmum 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tough choice, I sympathize. You have to look inside yourself for the answer to this one. Ask yourself if you are honoring yourself in this relationship? You have 3 separate relationships that you are dealing with here, each presenting special problems. Your boyfriend has to deal with you and his 2 kids...and possibly more kids with you. You have to deal with him and his 2 kids and possibly your own kids. This is challenging. You can do it if you genuinely feel the rewards are worth it. You might consider taking the whole group to a family therapy session. I mean everybody, the ADHD, the 7/2 year old, you and the bf. At the very least you should consider personal therapy to prepare yourself for the challenges ahead. Good luck with this.
2007-01-19 02:18:39 · answer #6 · answered by judgebill 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you cant handle the whole being a step parent thing get out now, cause all you will do is cause yourself heartache, because you know he has kids before going into the marriage and you can not use that as an excuse to get out of it..and you can not throw it up to him in fights and you know those are his blood and he will choose them over you, i hope he would...so if you go for it this is what you will have to look forward to..it is probably not a good idea to marry a man with kids. i am a single mom and i married a man without kids and he knew going into it and he still throwing it up at me. that he doesnt have kids...
2007-01-19 02:21:20 · answer #7 · answered by genapinkard 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you marry him, you have to learn to accept his children as well. You can't have him and expect him to forget about his kids. If you love him, and you think you could learn to get along with his children eventually, i say you shouldn't let it hold you back. As his children gets older, they'll realize it and may or may not accept you. But that is their personal choice. Don't expect to step in and be their mother because i don't think they will ever allow that. And of course, as they get older, they'll be more mature and understanding and learn that they father has someone new in their life. Especially in their teenage years, i think it's best to be their friend rather than stepping in and trying to be a parent to them. When you can learn to understand them, they will eventually feel different about you.
2007-01-19 02:20:48 · answer #8 · answered by Alicia 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the reality of this issue is the kids are not going to go away. if you love him then you should be willing to work on the relationship with the kids also but if you think you can not except his situation then i would get out before your feelings get to deeply involved. try another approach with the kids. they love attention and maybe they sense most of the attention going to you. make them feel like they are a part of both of you's.
2007-01-19 02:20:13 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Blond, blue eyed 6 feet tall. That is everything you want!!! You sound pretty easy to please.
Sounds like if you don't resolve this with him or walk away now you will forever more have serious problems in this relationship.
He does not at all sound like everything you want because you clearly find this a major problem.
2007-01-19 02:19:14 · answer #10 · answered by mutvulture 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋