im very active as far as sex is concerned but my wife keeps conditions b4 we can have sex upto a point where my sex drive has gone down. i have been thinking of having a mistress to spice up my life but my wife is very emotional if she found out i was cheating on her she has threatened to kill herself and my two daughters and i feel as if im trapped in a cycle of unhappiness and blackmail,sometimes she makes some very bad comments about me.....im really confused and feel hopeless and divorce is out question my kids are too young to subject them to any hussles and i really love my 2 girls
2007-01-18 18:06:13 · 16 answers · asked by michael 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You need to involve someone more than us in your life. If you wife is threatening the lives of your children, you are wasting time online. Get legal help right now. The situation might be much worse than you think it is and I can tell you right now that the bereaved in your place never thought it would actually happen.
2007-01-18 18:12:50 · answer #1 · answered by daisyjzmum 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You're definitely right that you're wife is controlling you and everything in your marriage. Sometimes when one partner doesn't want sex it means they're already engaging in an affair. I'm not saying she is and even if that's true, don't you retaliate by having one. It's just going to put pressure on the girls who don't want to be forced to take sides.
You don't say how old you and your wife are. Is she pre-menopausal--sometimes it happens at an earlier age than what we would expect. Is she suffering from depression or a physical illness or condition (diabetes, thyroid)? Has she gained some weight that makes her feel fat and ugly? She may be reluctant to have you see her looking like this. Convince her to make a doctor's appt. for a complete physical and go with her to show your love and support.
You both need counseling. She may be making comments about you to get you so angry you won't touch her. Examine your techniques--are you too quick or have too little, if any, foreplay? Do you rush through lovemaking? Do you know what she likes and dislikes and try to do these things? Does she have trouble with orgasms? That doesn't necessarily mean it's your fault. Talking with a doctor or therapist could help identify what would trigger one. Medical studies have shown that injuries or surgery in the genital area can reduce the feeling the woman experiences. She may try harder to achieve climax which sets up tension and doesn't allow for her to release her feelings.
Wait until the girls are in school or asleep and sit down with her. Make a pot of tea or something, hold her hand, and tell her you miss the intimacy you've always shared and that you want things to improve between you. Try to get her to open up. If she becomes abusive, stand up and gently but firmly say I won't take this abuse. Then tell her you want her to see the doctor, you'll go with her. Don't bring up the therapist until you hear what the doctor has to say and then ask if he/she thinks one would help. Let the doctor recommend someone because he/she knows your wife and should be able to choose someone who will be able to work with her.
Good luck. It sounds like you're a caring man and you obviously love your girls. Don't have an affair. It'll only make matters worse between you and your wife, you run the risk of disease, and when the girls are older and accidentally find out you did, they'll blame you and have sympathy for your wife. That is, if she doesn't learn of it first and turns the girls against you.
2007-01-19 02:30:03 · answer #2 · answered by goldie 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am unsure of the exact situation and whether or not it falls into what I am going to talk about or not, but here it goes...
I have read up a lot about this phenomenon. It is very common for wives to loose interest in sex in a marriage. They have to work all day long with people saying, "I want! Give me!" so that at night when the husband says it, the wife has no more energy to give.
You need to make her life as easy as possible if you want to be happy. Understand that her life is difficult and offer to do everything you can to help her. Take care of the kids for her. Clean the house. Cook, etc... Doing these things will turn back the clock to the times when you enjoyed each other.
I'm not going to say it's easy, but if you love her, it's worth it.
2007-01-19 02:17:06 · answer #3 · answered by A dad & a teacher 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why do I get the feeling that you're missing the point. She is not interested in having sex BECAUSE she thinks you are a bad lover. Maybe you should consider adapting what you do to make it more enjoyable for her. Get sex and/or couple counselling. It also sounds like she needs some personal counselling, if she's threatening to kill herself. And if you're serious that she has threatened to kill your daughters... what is she doing near your children at all? It sounds to me like you are a pretty self-absorbed man. You both need help as soon as possible.
2007-01-19 02:16:04 · answer #4 · answered by Debbie B 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds as though you have already spoken to her about your feelings- If not DO THIS NOW.
OTHERWISE
Perhaps you would benefit from couples counselling if you want to save the marriage.
Reading this post though, it sounds as though you really really want to leave. Be aware that it will probably hurt your children less to go through a seperation when they are very young than in thier teen years. The important thing is that they grow up in an environment of love. If you are feeling as you say then I'm sure they feel your pain from the relationship as well as your love for them- children are very receptive to emotion. Please don't use them as an excuse to stay in an emotionally abusive relationship... But do look into the possibility of a restraining order if you truely beleive that she will become a danger to the girls, as well as legal representation for a seperation.
2007-01-19 02:18:29 · answer #5 · answered by Isabel 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
LOOK DUDE THE WHOLE THREATENING TO KILL YOUR GIRLS IS A WARNING!!!!!!!Tell her don't ever say that again.Kids can get over something as upseting as divorce easily.Seeing you and your wife fight for years is more harmful. Now if you want your wife to put out more ,use psychological warfare.Let her catch you jacking off, and when she asks why you're doing it.Say "I'm not going to beg my ****** wife for sex!,now shut the ****** door!!!"When she sees you're getting off with or without her that will snap her out of it.Then again you can always talk and see if 2 have fantasies that you can try.
2007-01-19 02:53:34 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
ok.. first of all... Leave your wife!.. and second of all don't use your kids as an excuse not to leave your wife!.. I would not be the person i am today without my step father! I would be one MESSED UP person i mean JACKED up if my parents had stayed together. Just think about how messed up your girls lives would be if when they found out *which they will* that their parents marriage was a lie.. i mean come on you can't screw them up any more than that!
2007-01-19 02:12:45 · answer #7 · answered by charmedangel51 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are a good man,and father and good husband.The problem is her.Do not even think in get divorce.You can fix this problem.Talk to her.Say: okay,if I am not a good lover,how you want to have sex?Tell me,show me,teach me.And you will see what is going to happen.Men need to talk with their wives about how they want to be satisfied (talking about sex).You are the man,you can fix this problem,absolutely 100 %,yes.Talk,please with her.Communication is the key,which save marriages always.Good luck.
2007-01-19 02:16:15 · answer #8 · answered by cobrasnake 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Michale,I understand the sex part! I am 37 and I am totally not in to sex right now. My husband is very understanding and has not threatened to take a mistress! If she is threating to take her own life, that's on her! If she is treating to take your children's lives, then I would be calling the authorities. That **** ain't funny!!! Don't let her even kid about your kid's!! Get them out! Normal people don't joke about hurting children!!!!! Please get them out!!!!
2007-01-19 02:18:45 · answer #9 · answered by Mommy dearest 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you are in a bad place, you both need to communicate and if a divorce is the best make sure you take the kids with you, in fear of her hurting them,, my ex husband said he would kill himself if i left him..lol. he didnt. in fact he started sleeping with my mother to get back at me.. but she was a junkie and now he is in jail on drug charges..lol...lol... so just do what ya gotta do and take care of your kids, cause it will hurt them more if you just mope around unhappy your whole life and they will think that is how it is supposed to be and mauy end up in the same situation in life and you would want them to be able to know when to get out.
2007-01-19 02:14:19 · answer #10 · answered by genapinkard 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋