Need help please. And a lot of inspiration.I am 20. Been with who I thought was the love of my life for 4 yrs.

Question

We were soo in love. Soo happy. He was soo good to me, I was soo good to him. This past summer got married. We were the happiest. A few months later, found out I was pregnant. Even more happy! We thought we were each others soul mates. Well, at least I did. Around Thankgiving holiday, I go to visit my family for the hoilday for the weekend. When I return, everything was still the same.Happy. Great. Same ole same ole. Well, one day I got on to my hubbies myspace page, and found out he was talking to all these girls, telling them he wasn't married, that he was single, living life the best way he can. So I asked about it, and he snapped, went crazy, said some very hateful stuff. Then I decided since he wasn't gonna give up on his "online life" that I'd separate from him. Well, I did, and now I'm back with my parents. We are planning on going getting a divorce as soon as we can get the money together.Found out he's met someone online, and been telling her he loves her...how can he??

We have already discussed the custody and visitation for our child. He does not seem to care. He is just sprung on this new online girl, that he's totally not even worried about his child. He's even told me, he wants me to have full custody, as long as I agree for him to see him. He still to this day, does not see what he is doing is wrong, and I guess he never will! Only what I want is whats best for our child. Which he will be cared for, given a good home, and loved by many many supportive family and friends.

Answer 1

i am so sincerely sorry. I know this sounds cliche, but "better now than later". its true. if you found out later (after your baby was born) you would have not known what to do with anything. but now you have time to PREPARE. ask yourself what are you going to be doing to support your baby? if your parents are helping out then lucky you, but if not than start searching for options. Im soo sorry. another reason that its better now then later is because (thanks to yahoo anwsers) i asked a question 2 days ago what good is marriage anymore, and alot of people gave me some great insight and so what ive learned that love grows more and more as you further into your marriage, so maybe its better that you arnt WAYYY deep like most married couples- because if you were, than u would have no idea how to bounce back into living your life and it would be harder to eventually get back into the dating pool. this is going to be ok, just keep your head up and eyes open. i know its going to be hard but try not get so hung up about what happend. this may just be a blessing in disguise...you never know :)
Ive read and heard that men (majority of them) have a fantasy life that no one else knows about. he liked the excitement of going "undercover" and doing things he knew he shouldnt be doing. just stay strong and remember baby comes first. do whats best for your baby. if you have any questions or anything please feel free to send me a message. Im here for you.

Answer 2

I am sorry that you have to face such difficulties in life at such a young age.
Im afraid no one can help you much around here, Its you who have to make the decisions and tough calls. Only you can analyze your actual situation.
Your fist concern should be the wellfare of your child.
Try to talk with your husband. Discuss the problems. Try to find out what is really going on. See if he still loves you and if you can still love him.
Many people does stupid stuff on the net and most of the time its not anythng serious. You will find that most guys on the net has provided some sort of falls information about themelves. It goes both ways. Girls do that too. So you need to find out what is really happening. Is he not in love with you anymore and is fishing on the net. Or was he just fooling around and didn't actually mean anything by it.
Wishing you good luck and happiness. You and your child!!
Stay strong. Whatever happens. You are still very young and have years after long years ahead of you. Things will work out. You will be happy again. I promise you!!
as i mentioned before.its u hav 2 make the decisions.but i think u shud make the decision and move on.start planning uor future.i kno it hurts a lot.but if he dosnt care then he is not good enough for u. nd it might b better that this happened now rather than 10years later.u hav time.i really don't know what to say to you dear but you have my prayers.

Answer 3

Don't jump for divorce just yet.

Your guy is having the jitters. He's living out a fantasy life online because the reality of not just marriage but having a baby has got him scared and running. This is the end of the good life, as far as he sees it.

Online love? Yeah right. It's all part of the fantasy. Don't be too offended. This girl is someone he doesn't have to deal with in real life. She is guaranteed to be "not as advertised" and if he had to spend two days with her, he'd come running back. After all, online you don't mention bad, only the good.

So, what do you do? Scare him more than a baby does.

Oh, yes. Tell him that if you are going to get a divorce, you really need to talk about the terms, and you'd like it to be friendly. BE NICE. That's the WHOLE point here, is to Be Nice.

Tell him that you need to discuss custody, visitation, and child support. Tell him that you want the best for the baby, and that you'd like to have all of this decided in advance.

Why should you do this? Because it will be your thermometer. If he's only frightened of the responsibility, he's going to realize that just because he walks out doesn't relieve that responsibility, and he might think twice about what he's doing. Give him that chance. Give him a chance to realize that he is wrong. If he acts like he might be thinking twice, then try to angle back to making up.

Now, if he's fine with the arrangements, then chances are he's not the right guy. If he can arrange for baby visits and child support without a second thought, he's a jerk. Better off letting him go on with his little fantasy life, and later on you can laugh that he ended up with some nutcase that he met online.

Good luck,
T.

Answer 4

This is very sad to hear. Does he feel bad about what he has done? Do you two really want to get a divorce? Isn't there a way to work it out? Couseling would be a lot cheaper than going through a divorce. You two owe it to each other and your child to try and work this out. You two made a commitment and that should mean something. Are your families supportive of the two of you or do your families push for a divorce? Don't let people tell you oh you two are young, blah, blah, blah. Only you two know how you feel and if you love each other; there is hope. Please pray about it because the power of prayer is strong. Good luck.

Answer 5

sounds pretty normal to me - getting married at the age of 20 isn't a great idea. a guy should have fun time, f'u'c'k' everything that moves, party party from morning till morning, and then, when he is all tired and tasted all the fish out there he is ready for the marriage and a baby. u took a young wild stallion, and wanted him to become an old horse in a minute without any glory. so this will be a lesson for u - do not take anything young. if u were 20 u could take someone who was older than 25 - it is not old enough, but anyway is btter than 20

Answer 6

Okay, so you've learned something...the hard way. I'm sorry to hear about it. Now what? Now it's time to think about yourself, and your soon child. So, learn to love yourself, to honor yourself, to remember that you are the best friend you'll ever have. Honor yourself, accept yourself as you are, without judgment. What happened to you has happened many times before and will happen again to others. You can make up your mind to be the best mother ever. Love your child. Learn to love yourself. Honor your child, honor yourself. And, when you next get interested in a man, be sure that your choice honors you. I know it's tough now, and it will be a challenge to face your future, but you can do it, you have the strength and integrity to be a great mother. Go for it and good luck.

Answer 7

By his behavior he is showing that he obviously doesn't love you, or he wouldn't have hurt you so badly. Nor is he obviously ready for marriage or a child. So yes, get a divorce, and find supprt in your family and close friends while you're getting ready to have the baby. Someday somebody 10 times better will come along and you'll see that everything happens for a reason.

Answer 8

U pregnant right? U must think back as your decision, and him to? U know what, the baby will be hurtful if U and your guy getting divorce. forget everything people would think but your child. the two of you need to talk and find a way to save your marriage. let forgive him because people can change from bad to good. hope this help

Answer 9

Most men and when we say most it menas 100% lie when they CHAT about their AGE, Marital Status, and about the size of their P***s.
I think you should talk to him that its not tolerable for you give him a second chance and see if he could leave this habbit.
Divorce is big decision and there is a tougher life alone and specially for the KID.

Answer 10

Sorry he turned out that way..
Not all men are like that...
The best way to mend a broken heart is with a new love...