I'm 21 and have rediculously strict parents...idont know what to do...is this normal?

Question

First of all i am not a bum i only live with my parents because i pay for everything else...tuition, car, bills, insurance, food, EVERYTHING!!!! and have been doing so for the past 4 years which is why i cant afford my own place.... i am a full time student and work 5-6 nights a week, i do almost everything around the house chore wise, and i have soo much respect for my parents... i almost never go out but when i do i never hear the end of it! i'm 21 and cant stay out later than 11, i dont know what else to do.

Answer 1

Sometimes a two bedroom fifth floor walk-up with four roommates is more desirable than living with your folks. Under their roof their rules always apply.
Maybe if you tighten your belt a bit you can afford a motel for a weekend once a month. Trade in your car for an RV and live and drive in it. Put your hands on your hips and snottily say "I AM 21." Of course I am kidding or not...your choice.
Is there anyone in your family that might be able to persuade your parents they are very lucky to have such a responsible well behaved child that is now old enough and responsible enough to set her own curfew. Is your dad steadfastly behind your mother or does he mole under and hide from her? Have you spoken to both your parents about this? Have you tried to simply ignor your mother when she goes into one of her never ending diatribes? Or say, without raising your voice, "Mom I am sorry this upsets you so, maybe we need to set a new curfew. How about this...if I am not going to be home by the present curfew I will phone you no later than 11 so you won't worry." Remind her you will be moving out when your schooling is finished and you have that killer job. Tell her now is the time for you to practice being totally responsible for your comings and goings. Tell her it is also time for her to get back in step with caring for the house...you won't always be there.
This not going to be easy for her. I suspect she is not going to take easily to the abandonment of her housekeeper, daughter or person for under her thumb control. How long has your mother exhibited the signs of selfish control freakism? Maybe some family therapy might be in order to get her started on help for herself.
So, you asked, bottom line, NO this is NOT normal.

Answer 2

(I think u culd print out all these threads for ur parents after u've decided on what to do and u do it. let them know how other pple ur age live their lives)

problem is u did not state your gender.

lets see, if u are male. which i suspect you are not then u really have your whole life ahead of you. u are goin 2 be all by yourslf someday and u wuld look back and hate d fact that u were never in a positn 2 make independnt decsions about how u wuld love 2 live ur life. my advice is if u have places to go then do it. i mean from all u've said, u are responsble, u pay all ur bills apart from rent. i thnk u desrve a bit mor rspect and freedom than u are getting. if ur parnts giv u freedm 2 pay ur bills thn i am sure they have no qualms givin u freedm 2 go anywher u wish. they jst dont want to say it to u. if u dont try, u wont know. call thm and tll them u are stayin over at a friends cause u are tired or u guys are wrking on some project. afterall u are in school. they are gonna say no. but u have to do this once and for all.

u will be shocked they would do next to nothing (remember d prodigal son (may daughter).

well if u are a lady, i think the idea remains the same. only make it clear u are stayin in a ladies house. the idea is not to giv ur parents a heart attack. its just to drive home a message.

i hope this helps. the truth is u hav 2 find that freedm urself

Answer 3

Well, I understand your situation, but you have to look at it this way, you ARE still living in their house. Whether you chose to because you want to live at home, or whether you have no other choice. So you still need to live by their rules.

I mean if you are 21 and your parents are strict, then honestly, there is no hope for the situation.

I mean if you want more freedom, you need to show them that you deserve it.

Show then you are responsible. Just because you pay all your bills and go to school doesn't automatically make you a responsible adult.

Maybe you should live on campus. Then you would have your own place, and your own rules.

Answer 4

Seriously, if you have parents paying for everything, tough it out. I moved out the day I turned 18, and though I got by just fine, it would have been so much easier putting up with unjustified rules and having them pay for everything. However, once schooling is done, it's you that will have the last laugh cuz once you are gone, they are gonna have to do some work themselves and they will miss you a lot. I know my parents did, and I had NO repsect for them.

Answer 5

Your parents sound crazy, and that's so unreasonable. Nicely explain to them that you are not a child anymore, and that you would appreciate it if they treated you like an adult. Say that you don't mind helping out around the house, but that you would also like to conduct your own social life and be able to stay out late. You're not in high school anymore, right? If things don't get better, I would say screw it and move out. You could always just go to school part time. You're only young once, get out and enjoy it while you can.

Answer 6

Your parents are pretty crazy, im also going to college and paying for everything and my parents could care less what i do, or did once i was past the age of 18

Answer 7

Your 21 so therefore you are no longer a child and do not have to come home at 11. Stay out later, what are they going to do? I know minors that are allowed to stay out later than that. Your parents are going to have to get used to that you are an adult and should be allowed to make decisions for yourself.

Answer 8

Sounds like your parents are being overprotective. It might be better for your mental health to forget about school and get a place of your own. Or sit down with your parents and let them know how you feel. Maybe there's a reason for them putting such tight clamps on your life.

Answer 9

Parents are worried about you. They probably want the best for you, find the right man, etc.
My parents didn't let me go out until I was 18, legal age at that time for bars.
Stop and thank God your parents care about you, some kids are thrown out at 18.
At least your parents are still together!

Answer 10

That is crazy! You should do what you want. Stand up for yourself. You don't have to be disrespectful. Just tell them you are grown and you work and take care of yourself and they can't boss you. Threaten to move. Stay out all night like that one person said what are they gonna do? Spank you. Tell them you waited a long time to do what you want and you are an adult and you want to be indepentant.