My son is being bullied by guys and girls. They call him fat names and ******. He has no self-esteem -help me?

Question

He walks into the restroom to avoid crowds. He won't attend school functions like basketball games. He has started to act out in class to appease these bullies so they won't pick on him. When I see the tears stream down his face--my heart breaks. My son just turned 13--girls have always picked on him. They say he is fat, ****** and ugly. I told him that he was beautiful inside and out--his reply was "How can they all be wrong?" Going to the principal is out of the question, my son begs me not to make things worse. I don't know what to do? He's my only child and he's so unhappy--he hates school. In all seriousness my son is gorgeous, he is about 20 pounds overweight is all. He has dark curly hair and beautiful green eyes and full lips..he's so handsome. Plus he wouldn't hurt anyone for the world, so why do they pick on him??
He wants comebacks that'll make them leave him alone--it's not that easy--he has to love himself and ignore them.

Answer 1

Do you remember what school was like?

Its sooo easy for us, as adults, to say "Just ignore them" but it is NOT that easy for the children experiencing this on a daily basis

This is their world for 8 hours a day, 5 days a week.

Imagine going to your job. And spending 8 hours a day working dilligently on your tasks.

Only to have your co-workers throw spit wads at you, call you names, laugh at you, mock you in front of the boss, push you over in the parking lot, etc.

THIS is what its like for children at school. THIS is what they live through for 8 hours a day.

And our solution? "Ignore it."

It doesn't work. if that was US at work, what would we do? We'd find a new job. We'd report them to the boss for harassment, etc.

Well guess what. Its public school, reporting them to the "boss" (aka principal) isn't going to help. Since these kids can't be "fired" for harassment, the problem will only get worse.

So... you have a few options. If you have proof (video tape, audio tape, etc) you could, in most states, sue the kids for harassment or the school system for negligence to protect your child.

Is that extreme? Sure. Will it be the right choice in some instances? Yes. Others? Definatley not.

In the meanwhile, what should you do?

Your son is lacking confidence. He's also lacking a niche.

He needs to find what his talent is. If he's a more sensative type of person, he would probably find success in the arts.
Perhaps he should look into his school's theatre club. Doesn't like to be on stage? No problem! There are PLENTY of technical jobs behind the scenes painting sets, setting up lights, etc. These look killer on a resume and college entrance form and they will help him get "in" with the theatre group without havivng to be on stage.
Maybe painting/sculpting is his thing, same deal-- let's get involved in a project of SOME SORT!

Maybe an outdoor activity? Volunteering at an animal shelter would be good for the soul and for the body since that's lots of walking/lifting, etc.

What about taking up a small sport like horseback riding, ice/roller hockey, surfing, whatever you have in your area. It will be a struggle at first but he'll find his niche and really settle in.

While I'm not advocating violence as an answer, perhaps maybe enrolling him in a karate, judo, (etc) class would help him feel more assertive and confident. These classes teach discipline so he would KNOW not to use violence to solve his problems. But the class would help him feel more secure in his body-- "They can't HURT me physically! I can protect myself!" AND the other great thing is that it is a physical activity. So this way your son can be in an excersize program that helps him mentally and physically!

He needs to find something he's good at so he feels he has value. Yes, the words still may hurt, but he will know they're not ALL right-- that he does have talents, even if he is maybe a bit out of shape. (me too!)

Answer 2

I recently just turned 15. I am about like your son, overweight but not like oh my gosh! We moved, I was not at all accepted by the kids at my new school. I was so scared and it was totally different than my old school. At my old school I was accepted for who I am. It got to the point where I wouldnt eat or drink and I kept throwing up. So my mom pulled me out and started homeschooling me. It's alright. However, I don't have any friends. So, In August, I am going back to public school. I am going to continue to lose weight. However, I know how your son feels. Its not at all easy. Just tell him to be strong. My parents and my parents friends and people that we know of that we will see at a store or whatever will say she is so pretty. Look at those blue eyes. But, I am thinking.. yeah, old people think that. Its hard. Maybe you could help your son lose some weight. Most of all, just keep supporting him. Remind him.. no one is any better than he is. I also know how your son feels about not wanting you to go to principals office. They will just call him a cry baby and say aww.. you ran home and told mommy. I've seen it happen before. It doesnt help. I hope all of this is making sense lol. Anyway, good luck to you and your son. I wish him the best. Just don't let him forget who he is.

Answer 3

You need to do something. Many schools have active programs for bullies and are taking it very seriously.

You need to prop up his self esteem but children can escalate and get into behavior that is not good for the children bullying or your son. I would schedule a meeting with one of his teachers to learn more. This may raise the sensitivity of the staff and cause them to intervene more actively. Do do something, I don't think we are ready to let 13 year olds make judgments about children yet so do not listen to your child's pleas. However if he is right and intervening would make it worse then in my opinion the school is not under control.

Answer 4

OUCH! I'm sorry to hear about your son. I can't emphasize how unimportant their opinion is. He needs to find his spot, get in with a friend or 2 that share the same thing. If he wasn't overweight it would be something else. He has to learn to be funny, and get that brain working. If he's gonna do comebacks, they have to be sharp and biting,
EXAMPLE: How did that penis enlargement surgery go ? Or his moms penis enlargement surgery?
He can say" I'm trying to work here. I don't come to your job and knock d*cks out of your mouth do I ?
I hate what kids do to each other. Its so shallow.
Stand Tall Boy ! Honor, Respect, Patience, your day in the sun will come.

Answer 5

The best advice I can give you is to change him school. that wil help, because nobody would know if he used to be picked on and he can start fresh. Or sometimes public schools are worst, so if you can afford it send him to a private school because private school don't tolerate such behaviors and students normally behave better there. Also I would suggest to you to drop your son in and out of school and don't let him take the school bus because sometimes trouble starts there too. Pls take my advice and switch him school, it's not too late they can transfer all his grades to the new school. If you don't change him school, or send him to a privatre school, I can almost guarantee you that things wil not change. I know because I went to the same thing when I was a kid and now I'm 27 years old and it stil hunts me from time to time. Don't let your son go through that, he doesn't deserve it.

Answer 6

Consider home schooling or a private scholl before they destroy him. Things that are said and done to us as teenagers hurt far into the later years of life and in many cases make people become loners even as adults. Continue to encourage your son but meanwhile consider other options

Answer 7

You need to go to the principal. Or if you really want to make a statement, go to a lawyer and have him/her contact he principal.

What is happening to your son is violent abuse and you have to stop it. The "comebacks" won't help ... those for sure will cause more problems for him.

You might consider other schools, but you have to stop the abuse now!

Answer 8

Look into solitary sports like weight training (light weight focused on form) or martial arts. Not that size or violence is an answer but these allow him to focus on his own successes and develop an active lifestyle. They attack him because they are all weak and attacking him makes them feel strong.

Answer 9

I know this feeling. I never was really picked on myself....but I know how people feel. When kids are this age it is hard to avoid bullies, unfortualtely, but it is true. Maybe the reason why they are picking on him is because they feel threatened by him? Is your son smart? Maybe they pick on him because he is smart for his age and they feel dumb compared to him and want to pick on him because of it. I hope I make some sense to you.

Answer 10

he cant ignore them coz he's still young.

just try to talk to him, tell him the story about someone hu is always being bullied but later on he becomes the greatest. tell him he's special , and people jealous to special people, so they're tryin to hurt him.

this is hard, if only you can help, try to control his diet and he shud juz continue his life, this is part of his life and no one can control it,,,he will cope by himself, i'm sure

ask him to do other activities like music lesson, violin or piano or anything that he likes.

this is hard, for me, because i'm a christian, what i just do is Pray

because we cant control other children to not hurting our son, if we do that, they will become more cruel,

Tell your son to be nice to those who bullied him, he'll be a nice person someday

good luck ^_^