I'm trying to help out a friend here, this person is ready to leave their spouse after 15yrs of marriage and I think they are over-reacting a bit, what do you think?
ok, what if your spouse had a good friend, who was single, of the opposite sex and they had been friends for years, before the 2 of you were even married, and they went out together frequently and then you found out she/he not only went out with this person but also ended up in his/her apartment for a drink. Would you trust the person you've been married to or would you automatically think they were cheating?
there is no reason not to trust this person, he/she have never been unfaithful
2007-01-18 17:16:05 · 28 answers · asked by irlefw 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I would trust him, specially since they have been friends for so long. I'm in the same situation--I have a friend of the opposite sex that I've know for over 7years, and we still spend time together, but in order to not let this interfere with my current relationship (of about 2years) I let my bf know right from the start, that during all these years, there has been nothing but friendship with this person--which is true.
So, if she has no reason to believe that he's cheating, then he's probably not. Just trust him. He married her, not his friend--and there's a good reason for that.
At least from my experience, my feelings for the person I've been friends with for so long, have not in any way changed. We never dated in the past either--he just wasn't what I was looking for in a relationship back then, and he still isn't, after all these years.
2007-01-18 17:28:26 · answer #1 · answered by WickedCute 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
A spouse should take the feelings of the other spouse over anyone else. If there is something one does that bothers the other to the point they consider leaving the marriage ~ that behavior should stop immediately.
Personally, my opinion is that if married, it's fine to go out with friends on occasion, but not to an excess...and there is absolutely no reason that he-she should wind up in the friend's home for drinks without the spouse present. It is disrespectful & inappropriate.
The way you worded your question, the spouse found out about the fact he*she went to the apartment after the event had occured...which in itself is being deceptive, and it looks as if he*she is trying to hide something. What should have happened, if anything, was a call beforehand letting the spouse know where you were planning to go...right then and there he*she would have known how the other felt...
so, yes, in a nutshell, there is cause for concern and there is reason to feel mistrust. Friend or not, a vow of marriage comes first.
2007-01-19 01:26:51 · answer #2 · answered by allrightythen 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Of course any woman's first reaction is that the man was cheating...........but questions must be asked and things analyzed before coming to a conclusion. Was the wife aware of all these togethers? If not, doesn't sound good. It could just be all innocent, but several meetings without the wife knowing isn't right. It's only when you're trying to hide something that you can't tell or explain to your spouse. Maybe these frequent outings could have lead to something further down the line if the wife didn't find out.
2007-01-19 01:24:19 · answer #3 · answered by artutina 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You're a good friend. It's not about cheating, if the spouse with the friend loved his/her partner they would stop seeing the friend all the time. I definetly dont think that they should end their marriage but try to work it out and that'll have to be from both sides. If there's no trust or even a little doubt and they really love eachother then its time for them to work on their marriage together and not let a silly situation possibly ruin their lives. Best of wishes!!!
2007-01-19 01:24:02 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
There is such a thing as emotional cheating. And I would find them guilty. I don't believe a man and woman can be that close of friends without something happening eventually. It's just nature. To save their marriage I would suggest the spouse not hang around their friend as much and make sure spouse is around when they do hang out.
2007-01-19 02:12:35 · answer #5 · answered by Violet 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i definately would not end the relationship based on an assumption. i think that they were getting a little bit out of line, and perhaps, for the sake of the marriage, they should remain a bit more public with their friendship. but the previous transactions (not transgressions?) cant be erased,so either decide that nothing inappropriate happened, watch to see if the behavior cools down , then forget it and move on,or be foolish and throw it all away based on imagination. there is nothing wrong with people of the opposite sex being friends and socializing, but they need to be respectful of the feelings of their spouse in the future.
2007-01-19 01:46:40 · answer #6 · answered by DEBI M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I believe with out knowing all the details believe that what is in the past should stay in the past. If my wife cheated before I was married to her, I would have to forgive her as Jesus forgave me and knowing that she has been faithful for the 15 years of are marriage I would now have a great deal of trust in her. But, in this case, You have no proof of cheating you can only assume but this only happened before the marriage. So, I say let the old flame stay in the past and move on! It also might be that one of your friends after 15 years is now having insecurity issues of Trust. I would tell your friend if it is about trust issues to give their trust to Jesus because he loves them and wants to help heal those issues. Isa. 41:10 Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
2007-01-19 01:38:47 · answer #7 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The guy's probably having an emotional affair.... maybe his wife isn't providing him the kind of attachment emotionally that he looks for, and the fact that he has a good female friend makes it all the more convenient for him to use the detachment as an excuse to bond with his friend.
The marriage shouldn't fall apart. They should talk, it's good if it gets CLOSE to a break, cuz it'll hurt and they'll both recover from it together and carry on well for the rest of their lives, but it shouldn't break....
2007-01-19 01:46:54 · answer #8 · answered by Praveen C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Spouse's opposite sex best friend since the dawn of time is almost certainly the least likely person for the spouse to consider cheating with.
However, your friend can easily drive her spouse to consider the idea if she goes overboard in her reaction to a social drink with his best female friend of many years.
2007-01-19 01:24:27 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
"Would you trust the person you've been married to or would you automatically think they were cheating?"
Answer: Neither one. I would automatically think that my spouse, in "dating" the single friend, is placing our marriage at risk by allowing situations where infidelity COULD occur.
You may not have been burned in the past, but playing with fire will eventually burn you.
2007-01-19 01:34:23 · answer #10 · answered by Thomas K 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋