Can you write an amusing paragraph or 2 or more that includes these random phrases?

Question

I. I thought he was going to shoot me with a tranquilizer gun and tag my ear.
2. Explain THIS away, darling!
3. Uh-oh, iceberg ahead.
4. All I can say is....toot toot tootsie goodbye.
5. Well, ain't this place a geographical oddity.
6. You don't seem to realize the cosmic importance of this.

Answer 1

'You might remember Charlie' I said to my best friend 'that I was telling you about a holiday in Italy at Lake Garda. Well, I doubt if you would believe this one'. 'Another one of your Irish yarns Pad' Charlie laughed 'try to cut it down to less than two hours this time, eh' he chuckled. 'No seriously Chas' I insisted, 'it was marvellous. After that little to-do with my ex and her new boyfriend that I told you about, I had to keep away from the hotel as much as possible and you know me. I love the mountains'. 'Yeah' said Charlie 'as long as there is a cafe halfway up the side of it for you to have your cup of tea'.

He was of course right. I can't go more than an hour without a brew. 'Anyway Chas' I came back to the story. 'I was having a great walk and way up overlooking the holiday resort when I met this big woman on her own. Now when I say she was big Charlie, she was BIG'. 'Hold on a minute Paddy' Charlie interrupted 'wait until I make myself comfortable, this is going to be a long one, I just know it. Go ahead now'.

'Well' I continued 'I was sitting down on this big rock when she appeared. I was having a quiet smoke on the pipe and having a look around at the scenery, when straight up to me she comes. 'Bon Journo' she said and you know me, I take the pee out of all those foreigners. 'Dia agus Muire duit' I replied to her in Gaelic. Well I tell you Chas, it stopped her in her tracks'. 'And what the hell is that supposed to mean' Charlie was no wiser than the woman. 'Ah, its an old Irish greeting, something about Jesus and Mary be with you, as far as I remember. That's not the point. You see if they don't talk to me in English, I don't talk to them in their language'. Poor Charlie, he is still trying to figure out the logic in that one.

'Anyway' I said 'it stopped her in her tracks 'German' she asked. No, I told her, Gaelic. Only this time I spoke in English. Well Chas' I continued 'you could have knocked me down with a feather when she came out with 'You piss-taking little bastard. I could wring your neck'. Anyway, she was laughing as she said it so everything was ok. And do you know something, she produced a flask and asked me if I wanted a cup of tea. Geeze, Charlie, but she was my kind of woman. Good looking, big and with a flask of tea in her hand'. I stopped to light my pipe.

'So you were getting on well with her' Charlie asked. 'Like a house on fire' I replied. 'There she was, sitting on the rock beside me with us both having a good laugh and a cup of tea when from not far behind us, there were two loud shotgun blasts'. 'You what' Charlie asked. 'Yeah Chas' I replied 'Bang, Bang - a shotgun. I nearly crapped myself and she jumped on top of me. I don't know who was the more frightened' I explained. 'Then, Chas' I continued 'out of the woods comes this big bloke with the gun. I thought he was going to shoot me with a tranquilizer gun and tag my ear. It seems he was wild boar hunting and had not seen us'.

'Anyway Chas' I was now getting to the interesting part 'the bloke with the gun disappeared while her ladyship untangled herself from me and because of the way we had landed, my hand was where it not necessarily should have been. 'Explain this away, darling' she purred removing my hand from under her tee-shirt. To tell you the truth Charlie, I wasn't embarrassed, it was quite funny really. 'Hold on Paddy' Charlie interjected 'are you winding me up'. 'No Chas, honest' I tried to convince him. 'Uh-oh, iceberg ahead' Charlie added 'I can see stormy water coming up. Did she smack you'.

'No Chas, not at all' I told him 'in actual fact, she was obviously getting a little bit fruity'. 'Come off it Pad' Charlie obviously didn[t believe me. 'Not only that Charlie' I continued 'she whips off her teeshirt and swings it around her head practically shouting 'All I can say is ....toot toot tootsie goodbye, toot toot tootsie goodbye'. With that Chas, she grabs me and drags me into the long grass. I thought that we should have started on our way down the mountain as it was getting a little dark, but no, she was not letting me go anywhere'.

'Well, you can guess the rest Charlie' I told him as I was feeling knackered from the memory. 'Come on Pad' Charlie pleaded 'tell Charlie the ending, please..................'.

'All I will say Charlie is that as she stared up at the skies, the clearest skies you have ever seen, she murmred 'You don't seem to realize the cosmic importance of this'. My only reply to that Charlie was 'Well, aint this place a geographical oddity'.

'You see Charlie, we were both looking in the opposite direction....'

Answer 2

After falling asleep at the beach one sunny afternoon, I had the most amazing dream. I dreamed that I was kidnapped by aliens and taken to a strange planet. I kept telling myself "You don't seem to realize the cosmic importance of this". I really didn't. All of a sudden this alien appears with this HUGE tranquilizer gun.
I really thought he was going to shoot me with a tranquiler gun and tag my ear.
All of a sudden the man behind the gun changed into Billy Crystal. In his "you look marvelous" voice he said to me "Explain This away, darling!" He started to explain what was happening to me. Just as he spotted an iceberg that formed out in the middle of the sky Robin Williams appeared. He yelled at the top of his lungs "Uh-Oh Iceberg Ahead." I just stood there laughing as he and Billy got into this running gag about looking marvelous and the iceberg ahead. I thought I was going crazy.
I was just beginning to think Well, ain't this place a geographical oddity when Dustin Hoffman appeared in his full Tootsie costume and started singing All I can say is... toot toot tootsie goodbye.
That's when the burning sun woke me up and realized how sunburned I was and how bad that I needed to go home.

Answer 3

Hello, My name is Rocko, and I'm a polar bear, but i live in the Amazon. Me and my wife Robin moved here about a year ago, and aint this place a geographical oddity. Spiders everywhere, cougars, and monkeys. With all that horrible stuff you think i might be able to get a nap by the grace of god, but no. This Crocidle Dundee wanna be comes running after me with a gun, I thought he was going to shoot me with a tranquilizer gun and tag my ear. Even more than all that I'm having trouble with the wife.

She hated this place, so because I love her, and she's the only bear who could love a fatty like me, we leave. We caught a twelve o'clock overnight iceberg home. While we were getting home all i could say was "toot toot tootsie, goodbye". Everything i love is in the she-bear, and i still break her heart. You don't seem to realize the comsmic importance of what I'm saying. I'm cheating on my old-lady, with a young little she bear. Uh-Oh iceberg ahead. The traffic brought me from my dark thoughts with a jolt. We get home, and bam, there she is the young she-bear in leopard print on my couch. The last thing i heard before a huge paw dropped me to the ground was "Explain THIS away!"


I thought it was ok, if you dont like it ok but it was fun lol

Answer 4

I tried to explain to the judge that i though he was going to shoot me with a tranquiler gun and tag my ear because of the cow costume i had been wearing at the time. He wouldnt listen so i said "you dont seem to realize the cosmic importance of this". And he sent in the men with the white jackets and they took me away to a room and you couldnt help but realise well aint this place a geographical oddity.

Answer 5

Nope well beyond my writing skills I am afraid to say.