I have been married for just over a year and we are trying to start a family. I am worried as my husband has started chatting online to other women. We have recently moved to New Zealand and he says he chats because he just wants to make friends ....
2007-01-18 16:28:26 · 23 answers · asked by sally-ann s 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
PLEASE DONT start your family just yet. It takes two to make a bond. And you should need to LEARN to trust your husband.
If trust doesnt come naturally, something is very wrong.
2007-01-18 16:34:29 · answer #1 · answered by iyamacog 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There is no need for a married man to have women friends!
You as a wife should be his Love, Life, Friend & everything for him...period. The only reason a married man is looking to have women friends is when he is trying to get laid, that means he is already having a motive which is of course to cheat on you.
See, one thing leads to another...what is it that is grave important that he needs to have friends, what does he talk about to them? just sit down & ponder for a minute there pls... ok fine, u may want to give him the benefit of the doubt now but when u & him are going thru a rough time, he might share that with them. It is not allowed! A marriage cannot be worked or saved when he is talking to other women about it....He should be talking to u!
Becareful about starting a family with him just yet..... hold on! be smart.... use your head & not your heart(emotions). Think clearly.. talk to him & tell him that it is not permissible in a marriage to have opposite sex friends, if so, you can too chat with guys, right? where is the equality then if he cant accept you doing it... but c, at the end of the day, it will be all a war...a tit for a tat ! can one save a marriage by doing this...most certainly not!
2007-01-19 00:57:35 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You will need friends too, if YOU go out and actively meet lots of people then he will have friends that you can both share, and see each other with. Do the usual meeting friends things, sports activities, adult education, you have to be brave and talk to people and invite them over for tea etc, take the initiative and pull the rug out from under your husband by you making the joint friends,then he'll have no need for the chat rooms.
Good luck in the new world!
2007-01-19 04:37:28 · answer #3 · answered by Em 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Um, yeah, "friends." So, he doesn't like chatting with guys, just women? You're in trouble.
If he really just wants friends, then go out and find some couples to hang out with and things to do. If he won't go with you, go alone and let him wonder where you are when you're not with him. But I'd find things to do together first, if you can.
Also, don't start a family with this guy for another couple of years. Wait until you see what kind of moral character he has. If you're just married a year and he's already doing this, I don't think he's a good bet for future father material.
2007-01-19 00:34:57 · answer #4 · answered by Katherine W 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You appear to have the mother of insecurity problems.
Maybe it's because you have recently moved to a long ago and faraway place (I'm told that most of New Zealand is, very nicely, out of date).
Maybe it's because you don't trust him anyway.
You seem to have talked to him about this, so where's your worry coming from?
You could always leave him and come back "home", and if you're going to react thus over an internet chat, what the devil will you be like when he introduces you to (e.g.) a female work colleague?
2007-01-19 01:08:46 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I wouldn't believe it. If he wants to make friends the both of you should join a club or group of some kind. You need to put a stop to this right now. I know what I'm talking about. My husband started with little flirtations and kept testing me to see how far he could go. Well, he went too far and now I have found someone else. If you don't want this to happen to you then tell him to stop this right now! Tell him you won't put up with it. Maybe your husband is bored but that's no excuse. If he continues, start fixing yourself up REAL pretty and make excuses to go out. Just say you are going shopping or something. Make it known you don't want him with you. Maybe he will sit up and take notice. If you let him keep getting away with this then your marriage is doomed.
2007-01-19 00:41:15 · answer #6 · answered by crazywoman88 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you sure it's just women he is talking to? Don't jump to conclusions because if he is telling the truth that they are only friends, and you tell him that you don't trust him, it will drive a wedge between the two of you.
Trust me, I've just lived though a similar situation :-(
He obviously loves you enough to move to another country with you and start a family. Give him the benefit of the doubt until you can prove otherwise.
Good luck!
2007-01-20 13:31:37 · answer #7 · answered by Cheryl M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If I were you I'd say 'that's a good idea' and start doing the same...and chat to men online. Tell him you're looking for friends too and you're thinking of meeting one or two of them soon. If he's really looking for friends then you could suggest you find other couples to talk to.
2007-01-19 04:38:43 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Make this a joint chatting thing for both of you, when you partnership with your husband, and support him in making friends, just be there for him, and you might just taking it out of balance since, you guys are new in the area, and it is a new relationship in marriage. Just cont' to love, honor, respect, be submissive to him in everything, and meet all of his needs, and just be a wild kitten in the bedroom to make things exciting for him.
2007-01-20 13:50:31 · answer #9 · answered by ourjacobdavid 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him about your worries. As long as he is not keeping these women from you or going to meet up with them and does not try to hide conversations from you when you are around, i would not worry. If he keeps things from you, or closes the window quickly, then i would start to worry, and tell him that you want all of his conversations recorded so that at any time you can let him know you want to see one, and he will let you.
2007-01-19 00:36:31 · answer #10 · answered by Cyndi Storm 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If your worried about it, get something like iambigbrother.com it's a parental Internet spying that you download. It is secretly hidden ed on your computer and keeps track of websites, passwords, key stokes etc. I have it on my computer because I watch who the kids are talking to and what's going on with them. I can read their im messengers etc.
2007-01-19 10:11:33 · answer #11 · answered by sbratt2 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋