I know she is concerned for me and I love her no matter what, but i feel like she is making me choose, and i can't. He is the father of my son and we are deeply in love. He has hurt me in the past, (emotionally, never physically), but we have had counselling and have dealt with our problems. We just want to share the rest of our lives together and I want my sister to be part of our lives, too. How do I show her that I'm happy, but I need her as well? She has refused to come to my engagement party and my hens night, and I'm worried she won't come to the wedding. How can I heal this rift between us which is causing me so much pain?
2007-01-18 16:07:48 · 10 answers · asked by knjw2050 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Try talking to her calmly (invite her out to lunch or dinner so she can't create a scene). Explain that you appreciate her concern but that you are a grown woman entitled to make the decisions that are best for you. Remind her that you would give her the space as well. Invite her to the functions and the wedding personally, and if she still refuses to go it is her loss not yours. Congratulations and long life to you, your husband to be and your child.
2007-01-18 16:11:54 · answer #1 · answered by searious 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's nice to know that you are marrying your soulmate. Your sister maybe doesnt really hate him. Its just that she is like feeling a little jealous. Maybe you and your sister are kinda close, and she might be feeling that you won't have time for her if you really commit with this guy. Let your partner know that you will still spend some time with your sister, so as not to let her hurt. Let your sister know that inspite of finding your soulmate, you will still treat her the same you were. You dont have to explain a lot to her, she should understand that you are ready to comit, and it is just her pride making her hate your partner. Just greet her during occasions, send her some cards or letters, to let her know that you have not changed, and still love her as her closest sister, and in that way, little by little her anger or bitterness will fade, and soon she'll realize that she has made a mistake, and if that happens just don't talk about the past, don't remind her what she has done, instead just continue you lives the way you wanted it to be.
2007-01-19 00:24:05 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't bother trying to heal the rift. She is pouting. Obviously, she is not as concerned about your happiness as she is hers. Competing for your love and attention and apparently she is losing her private battle with him. Your mention of his having hurt you emotionally required counseling to overcome; she is hurting you and there will probably not be a 'sister' therapy session offered. It sounds to me that you are attempting to build a life for yourself and your son that is socially accepted and appropriate. Anyone making an argument regarding appropriate behaviors may have a tendency toward rebelliousness. As far as showing her that you are happy is not really necessary. It is obvious that you are putting your life in proper perspective. Your decision to make a family and live in a warm nuturing relationship is a positive step. Since we cannot control others, do not worry about her absence at your celebratory events. Of course, she may be planning to surprise you with her presence; so, be delighted if she does sober up enough to attend. It may occur to her that 'he' will not be there.
Good luck in the future with your new lifestyle.
2007-01-19 00:37:54 · answer #3 · answered by sheila_0123 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
...you need to have a heart to heart with your sister. WHY does she hate him....is there something she knows that she is not telling you?
...like to carry to the point of refusing to support you is ....well not very supportive. Like does she really want to cut off a relationship with her nephew?
...bottom line is...the only person you are responsible for is you...you can not make anyone else do anything that they ultimately don't want to do...so you have to make a choice...
...if you chose your sister ...are you prepared to spend some long lonely nights...because I am sure she isn't going to come and live with you.
...if you love him, if he has counseling, I would say it is worth the risk...
2007-01-19 00:25:01 · answer #4 · answered by Ruth M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds more like your sister is jealous. You have made the decision to marry this guy adn whether your sister likes it or not she has to support you. I think you need to let her know firmly that your decision is final. That you really want her to attend all wedding events but if she will not, nothing will change. She will always be your sister, but its time she got a life of her own......heres to yu and your hubby to be!
2007-01-19 00:12:25 · answer #5 · answered by doofynic 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
One reason that it's not a good idea to tell your mom, your sister, or a girlfriend when your male friends screw up and hurt us is because after we've forgiven and gone back to them they don't forgive and forget.
They just remember that he hurt us.....they want to hurt him really bad....LOL
If you're going to get married just do it and then over time if he's truly changed they will see how happy you are a accept him.
Part of this problem is our fault.
2007-01-19 00:16:59 · answer #6 · answered by daljack -a girl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can try talking to her and asking her to please forget the past. You can try to let her know that you are happy now with him and you think he deserves a second chance. If she doesn't want to,there isn't much you can do. You have to do what you think is best. You can't let her decide how to live your life. She is your sister and should be there for you. She doesn't have to agree with your decision, but she should be there for you.
2007-01-19 00:14:32 · answer #7 · answered by mamabear 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is ur life and ur family's life. Your sister sounds really sweet and caring but if she can't accept you and ur family then it is actually her loss right? You have to do what is right for u and ur family. Go ahead and get married. Fill ur heart with gratitude as u face this obstacle in ur life and have Faith in everyone, especially in urself. If she doesn't come around then she'll come around later and in time. No worries. Congratulations!!
2007-01-19 00:33:01 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your sister is worried about you. She can see more clearly than you can right now. You need to have a heart to heart talk with her.
2007-01-19 00:13:50 · answer #9 · answered by notyou311 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get married, do not worry about sister, she'll get over it...She is not marrying him, you are and you have to love him, not her...
2007-01-19 00:58:11 · answer #10 · answered by ABBYsMom 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋