How long did it take for you to get over an ex...who lied or cheated on you? And why is that even though they hurt us we still care about them?
2007-01-18 15:20:36 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Social Science ➔ Psychology
First thing you need to do is stop thinking in terms of how long it takes to get over someone, and just get to getting over them.
You know the old wives tale, a watched pot never boils, so turn the heat up and walk away? Well same holds true on getting over a relationship...if you keep focusing on when it's going to feel better, you won't be doing the things to make yourself feel better. Get out with your friends, do the things you stopped doing cuz there was a guy in your life (c'mon, you know you did...who is it that you haven't seen in FOR~EVE~ER??) Become an OTRAGEOUS flirt to any and every guy! Get some positive attention! Don't let the guy get the best of you!
Simple answer to why you still care, is because you actually DID care, there is a lot more to a person you dated than what he or she may have done to hurt you. Cheating or lying will never discount the good times you shared, nor should you let it.
A cheater &/or liar, can still be a great person in a lot of other ways, so yes, it can be hard to be angry at them to the point your feelings are no longer there. But what you have to put into perpective is that this person, does not hold the same moral compass you do. You need to find someone who is great...AND honest...they are out there.
Good luck!
2007-01-18 15:36:59 · answer #1 · answered by allrightythen 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Everyone is different and that is the beauty of the world. We are all individuals with different needs and wants so in the case of getting over someone you loved people are different. My ex cheated on me with my best friend and it broke my heart but i'm not the kind of person that dwells on what has passed. We often still care because our mind is built to hold on the longest to anger instead of love. It is the anger that is pushed on us at the moment of the event that drives us to dwell and depending on how much anger we have will determine the time it takes to let something be. The more the anger the longer it usually takes to forget.
2007-01-18 15:29:04 · answer #2 · answered by Alchemist 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Because the "ex" is composed of the "good ex" and the "bad ex". There is the ambivalence of the loved and the hated, the trusted and the mistrusted. Perhaps you still imagine that a new beginning is possible. Is it? Or do the facts contradict the wishful thinking? Personally, my actual ex wife is forgotten history. The bad times are what I recall, not the good times. I needed to focus on the painful experiences in order to break the bond.
2007-01-18 15:31:00 · answer #3 · answered by SIGGY 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My ex cheated on me when I was in seventh grade. This is the first boyfriend I've had since then and I'm in 10th grade. So I guess that's about three years. The answers for this really depend on the person. You can get over it in time, but I don't think you ever forget what happened.
2007-01-18 15:40:38 · answer #4 · answered by Love_Forever 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think we are hard wired to focus on the positive and supress the negative. When you love someone you are willing to over look some not great stuff. Especially during the transition, huh! It took me forever to get over my ex, and I left HIM! I think you just have to try and purge ALL the old memories, just pack em up in the old mind attic until you can be a little more objective. Good Luck!
2007-01-18 15:32:26 · answer #5 · answered by sparklepup 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
When you invest so much time and energy into a person, a relationship, it can have such a severe impact when that person betrays you. Each person is different in how long it takes to heal from something like that. Take your time to heal and know its ok to still care about them. Time will erase the hurt..good luck.
2007-01-18 16:31:47 · answer #6 · answered by Laceyfromcali 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My ex cheated on me and I still loved him for a few months after he did it. I broke up with him but I was so depressed from everything (he was my first love), that it took so long for me to get over it. But there's hope, you will feel better. Good luck to you!
2007-01-18 15:30:13 · answer #7 · answered by beckilynn 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My ex lied so much, but it took about 5 years to get over him. And then the custody trial came and went and he got custody over me by scheming and lying. That took about 5 years to get over too. Now he is hurting himself-that old adage "What comes around goes around" really is true.
2007-01-18 18:30:45 · answer #8 · answered by Terry Z 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
nobody ever lied or cheated on me
as far as getting over someone, you have a lot of choice over how you feel over time. Choose not to ruminate over the loss--it will just extend the pain.
2007-01-18 15:29:35 · answer #9 · answered by sargon 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
almost 2 years. I held on to the good times, and although I'm over him now, I've never loved anyone since but I've deeply cared about people I have been with, but I never will love anyone again. Just think about the bad times, then you'll forget him.
2007-01-18 16:22:31 · answer #10 · answered by kori22 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋