we are both in our late 30s and make about the same amount of money.but 5yrs ago he went thru a nasty divorce which left him in debt.the reason being is he allowed his exwife to make him feel guilty about leaving his family so he gave her everything car,bank accounts,stocks,house plus a large child support payment.i feel this was his chose(except child support) and he should have thought about this before he allowed his ex to get the better of him.if i give him the money(which i could)what stops him from giving her more when she poors on the guilt trip which she does all the time.i know this makes me sound like a b-tch but how would you feel if the ex wife gets to go on cruises(on your bfs child support money) and your bf has just enough money to go to the next state with you? this really happened!am i a bad person because i don't want to fund her next trip?
2007-01-18 14:51:27 · 49 answers · asked by karen7neely 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
If you've got the benjis, you should do it. Once you get married, his debt will be your debt, and vice versa.
2007-01-18 14:54:52 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 3⤋
You definitely should not pay off his debts. I can't believe he would even ask such a thing. Money issues is the biggest reason marriages end in divorce. Make sure you two are on the same page when it comes to money and paying bills. It sounds like he spends even though he doesn't have it which will be a huge problem. He shouldn't be funding anything for his ex-wife other than child support. He's still too emotionally attached to his ex-wife to give her money when she pours on the guilt yet she's able to go on cruises and he's not. Go to counseling before you get married to help with these problems. Good Luck!
2007-01-18 15:03:54 · answer #2 · answered by Kimmi 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hopefully you still have separate bank accounts. You could compromise, and help him pay for part of it, on the condition he doesn't give her anymore money. After that it's a trust issue. Or if you're really saving the money for something special ie a house, new car, then just let him know that you'd rather save the money for these items. If you give him the money, you guys will just end up in more debt yourself. So the better option for him would just work with that old debt, and you might be able to help him monthly without having to dip into your savings.
2007-01-18 15:00:59 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do not pay off his debt. Get out of this relationship while you still can. There's other guys out there who don't have so much "baggage" But don't go looking in the bars. You are not a bad person for not wanting to pay off someone else's debts! You are thinking with your head & not your heart. Very good ! If you say no, & he says OK, he's going to begin picking fights and finding fault. I've been there. If you say yes, he will keep asking for things... If he was worth keeping, he would want to pay his debts before you're married. Remember, you teach people how to treat you. Just pretend that it's your sister in this fix. What would you tell her to do?
2007-01-18 15:09:55 · answer #4 · answered by scaredeycat 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your bf should go through a child support system, the money is supposed to help support the children not for to go cruising on.Seek legal advise re this. If you do pay off his dept then it should be as a loan to be paid back to you so much each week, have all this in writing both of you to sign it even get a JP. to witness it, that way if anything happens (like you split up after you pay it) you will get it back or take him to court. Make and sign receipts when he makes a payment and keep all paper work.
2007-01-18 17:23:04 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds if you understand how to manage you money well, maybe you could teach him something about the value of money. A little bit can be understandable but 21k is a lot. We all have debt at one point in our life, but if someone is there to pull us out we can never learn the important lesson of getting our self out of the hole. I and my son left a cheating wife with only $700 dollars in my pocket and a whole lot more to pay later. After the divorce I had plenty of debt. Three years later I am better off. I learned how to manage the money.
2007-01-18 15:04:42 · answer #6 · answered by Jamie B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He should have never asked you to pay off his debt.
That is his debt that he created in a situation that had nothing to do with you.
He should be an adult and begin paying the debt off himself. 21k sounds like a lot of money but if he really wants to pay it he can develop a plan and get it paid back.
He is responsible for his own actions and you for yours. Just because you are getting married does not give him access to your hard earned (and saved) money!
Be smart and reconsider marrying someone that wants to empty your savings account before you are even married...
2007-01-18 14:59:50 · answer #7 · answered by misszoozoo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh Karen.....that sure is a lot of baggage. Sure you want all those suitcases tripping you at every step?'No...there is nothing wrong with your thinking. I'm just not sure I could ever marry this guy. To me, it doesn't sound he is very financially responsible. If he was...he wouldn't be asking you to pay this debt!!! If I were you...I sure would do a lot of thinking. But wait...since I'm me...I know I would not go through with it. If he is so willing to do this to you now, what will he do after you are married??? That is a scary thought.
I wish you all the best whatever you decide.
2007-01-18 15:06:04 · answer #8 · answered by TexasRose 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know you love him, but that is not your situation to get into. He caused that on his own, and it is not up to you to bail him out. Who knows if you'll get your money back, and if I were you, I would be highly upset if my money sent her on a cruise while I'm sitting at home wondering why I gave her my wedding money! I say you just sit to the side and let him work this out. Now if he keeps struggling, then you can lend him something, but not the whole 21k. He is not your husband yet. This doesn't make you a bad person at all. Like you said, he put his self in this predicament, so let him figure out how he's going to get out.
2007-01-18 15:00:20 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you should give him any money. Let him pay for himself. He's a big boy. It seems like he's trying to con you into paying for him and his "ex" wife. It's happened many times in the past and it might be happening again. I'd halt any future plans and have this guy checked out. If you do decide to marry him, talk to an attorney first and have a pre-nup drawn up that he must sign before-hand. If he refused to sign it then his intentions aren't honorable and good riddance.
2007-01-18 14:56:36 · answer #10 · answered by Chiv 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Thats rough, no your not bad your just being rational. He seems to have acted on impulse and just got it over with. I wouldnt pay it off for hm but help him and make a plan to work the debt down. I mean if you switch roles and you were in debt people would probably just call you a gold digger, so dont feel bad about not handing the cash over.
2007-01-18 14:55:57 · answer #11 · answered by nyoo1578 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋