we are both in our late 30s and make about the same amount of money.but 5yrs ago he went thru a nasty divorce which left him in debt.the reason being is he allowed his exwife to make him feel guilty about leaving his family so he gave her everything car,bank accounts,stocks,house plus a large child support payment.i feel this was his chose(except child support) and he should have thought about this before he allowed his ex to get the better of him.if i give him the money(which i could)what stops him from giving her more when she poors on the guilt trip which she does all the time.i know this makes me sound like a b-tch but how would you feel if the ex wife gets to go on cruises(on your bfs child support money) and your bf has just enough money to go to the next state with you? this really happened!am i a bad person because i don't want to fund her next trip?
2007-01-18 14:51:09 · 24 answers · asked by karen7neely 1 in Business & Finance ➔ Personal Finance
That's a tough choice. I wouldn't pay it off. I would work out a system with your boyfriend so he can get himself out of debt faster. You could even seek the advice of a financial counselor (if it's not too expensive this could be your treat to him). I also think that you need to have a serious conversation with your boyfriend. If you are going to marry him, his guilt trip needs to end here, other wise, it will be both of your money that you are sinking into this woman. He needs to stop giving into her and not allow her to manipulate him (which it sounds like she is doing). He should pay what he is legally required to to his exwife, but no more (unless there is a really emergency and it is an absolute last choice, like a medical emergency or something). I think he needs to learn how to deal with his financial situation on his own, without your financial assistance, because what if his ex wife pulls the wool over his eyes again and he gets himself into more debt? He needs to know how to get himself out of it, otherwise you will both be in over your heads.
2007-01-18 15:15:48 · answer #1 · answered by ilovesubasketball 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You definitely should not pay off his debts. I can't believe he would even ask such a thing. Money issues is the biggest reason marriages end in divorce. Make sure you two are on the same page when it comes to money and paying bills. It sounds like he spends even though he doesn't have it which will be a huge problem. He shouldn't be funding anything for his ex-wife other than child support. He's still too emotionally attached to his ex-wife to give her money when she pours on the guilt yet she's able to go on cruises and he's not. Go to counseling before you get married to help with these problems. Good Luck!
2016-05-24 05:40:23 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I lent money to two different guys. Both paid me off right after they came back from the honeymoon. So, I learned my lesson, and won't lend money to men again, but I also know that women will pay off a husband's debt, probably to get rid of the "other woman." If you're going to do it, do it after the marriage, not before. However, you need to come to an agreement about how to deal with his ex, especially since kids are involved. Perhaps it would be best to have three bank accounts, "yours" "mine" and "ours." Part of each of your paychecks goes into "ours" for joint expenses, and he has his money to deal with his ex and kids as he sees fit.
Personally, though, I think you guys should have some money counseling and some marital counseling before you get married, to make sure you're in agreement on things. It will stop a lot of problems down the road, and you won't regret it.
2007-01-18 15:48:34 · answer #3 · answered by Katherine W 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't get mad at the ex-wife. You chose a man with baggage that already had a ready made family that he walked away from. He has to take care of them financially as if he were still in the household. As far as paying off his debt. That's on you but I wouldn't if I were you. He needs to come up with a plan to get back on his feet.
2007-01-18 15:03:02 · answer #4 · answered by LuvMyGirls 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
WHAT????!!!!
Listen, money is and always be a touchy and sensitive area in most relationships, however, in order to protect yourself and show your bf (future husband) that you have a backbone and not just have his back (sorta speak), some ground rules must be set and boundaries drawn....otherwise you'll be run over and poor, (both financially and emotionally) Talk to your man and tell him where you stand! And under no circumstances do you pay this debt...this was accrued before your union. If he chooses to pay it then explain to him how
2007-01-18 15:12:59 · answer #5 · answered by k a 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Personally, I haven't ever been with a woman that would help me out that much, although I wouldn't ask for something like this in the first place. If anything I have been the poor sap that has takin care of women and then they leave me....so I would say hell no...
And you are not a bad person for thinking this way...
2007-01-18 15:05:18 · answer #6 · answered by chazzer 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You do not sound like a b-tch to me. You sound like a very level-headed and intelligent person. Don't spoil that reputation by paying off his debt. You are doing more than enough for him by still loving him while he continues to make bad choices. How much more are you going to take?
2007-01-18 15:12:06 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you are a bad person. It is wonderful that you even asked the question--I would say it would be crazy to pay off his debt, and based on that he asked you I would be a little hesitant to get married (ever) and certainly not until the debt is paid off.
2007-01-18 17:19:00 · answer #8 · answered by Nelson_DeVon 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweetheart if this man loved u he would handle that situation himself, because remember this was all done before you came along.If you clear his debt now what will happen if you don't get married or years down the line something happens and you need to bail him or her out for that matter again which YOU will be doing you will be left out and mad at yourself for doing so. As I leave u with this if he LOVES YOU he will truely understand!!!!!!!!
2007-01-18 15:07:51 · answer #9 · answered by shenitra s 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I also say to get it on paper...you will sleep easier, but i would get it done before and after the ceremony so as to not preclude any bylaws that you may or may not be aware of.....stay true to yourself....it is his debt, and let it remain so...not an allowance and do not give in...stand your ground and he will have much more respect for you and trust you all the more in the relationship!!!
2007-01-18 15:00:38 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋