we are both in our late 30s and make about the same amount of money.but 5yrs ago he went thru a nasty divorce which left him in debt.the reason being is he allowed his exwife to make him feel guilty about leaving his family so he gave her everything car,bank accounts,stocks,house plus a large child support payment.i feel this was his chose(except child support) and he should have thought about this before he allowed his ex to get the better of him.if i give him the money(which i could)what stops him from giving her more when she poors on the guilt trip which she does all the time.i know this makes me sound like a b-tch but how would you feel if the ex wife gets to go on cruises(on your bfs child support money) and your bf has just enough money to go to the next state with you? this really happened!am i a bad person because i don't want to fund her next trip?
2007-01-18 14:50:46 · 20 answers · asked by karen7neely 1 in Politics & Government ➔ Law & Ethics
Absolutely not, you're an intelligent person for thinking it through this way.
Do not give him anything, unless you have drafted a legal loan document; with interest rate applied, and a monthly repayment plan.
I would also ensure that all of the debts, reflecting the total of 21k, are earmarked and each one receives a check directly from you. This will limit his ability to give his ex anything in the event she pours on another guilt trip.
Consider this all very carefully before you give him a penny.
2007-01-18 15:00:55 · answer #1 · answered by ☼High☼Voltage☼Blonde☼ 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Once you marry him, his debt is basically your debt. Maybe you should consult your boyfriend's lawyer and find out whether paying off the debt will affect his child support arrangements. As frustrating as it may feel to be on the giving end of child support, you and your boyfriend really don't have a say in how that money is spent. It may seem to you like she is taking your money and going on cruises, but the reality is that the assistance she receives from your boyfriend allows her to care for the child the same way she would if they were still married. At least, that's the intention of child support payments. If you or your boyfriend feel the payment is excessive or is jeopardizing his financial stability, you should have the agreement looked at and possibly modified.
2007-01-18 14:59:55 · answer #2 · answered by sankayak 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Paying off his debt is not the answer and any man with guts shouldn't even ask. It was his choice like you stated. Why did he give her everything in the first place? He really needs to check himself and you need to check him even harder before marriage. Maybe there is more to the story that led to the breakup, what other reason would he feel so guilty?
2007-01-18 15:03:21 · answer #3 · answered by J W 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd like to know why your b/f can still be 'guilted' by his ex-wife? Seems to me she still has way too much power over him. And frankly he has a lot of nerve expecting you to foot the bill for his blunder. I think he needs to work this situation out himself before you tie the knot. He needs to go to a credit counselor and work out a debt reduction plan for himself before he starts depleting your funds. It would be far too easy for him to pull you down than for you to lift him up financially, so he needs to take a few steps on his own first. And tell him to get his mind straight about his ex before you two make any further commitments, otherwise you're going to have a lot of problems down the road! Good luck to both of you.
2007-01-18 15:18:05 · answer #4 · answered by oscpressgirl66 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should dump the guy and go on a cruise.
When you get back, find a large church in the area (one about the size of a mall) and join the singles group.
If you really want to stay with this guy then do not become his mother and wipe his bottom when he screws up. Be there, help him when he needs it, support him emotionally but do not pay his bills.
2007-01-18 15:00:03 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Don't give him any money! Wait until you are married and then pool all your assets and expenses and each pay half. That way you are helping him with his debts, but not shouldering the whole burden on your own.
When you are married, you become partners - so halve the debts but also share equally in your income. 50/50 all the way. That's fair enough.
2007-01-18 15:01:59 · answer #6 · answered by the_fatmanwalksalone 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
NO! Let him handle his own situations before you two get married. Im only a college student, but this only requires common sense. 21K is also no small amount, unless u r super rich. You are not a bad person for being assertive, you put the guilt trip on him, dont let him put it on you.
2007-01-18 14:56:23 · answer #7 · answered by Daniel 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Don't Do It! Not only that you need to get Legal Protection as well. Take a look at the site below and watch the online movie presentation. Don't become a vitcim.
2007-01-18 15:07:26 · answer #8 · answered by citronge69 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Why would you pay for the debt your bf has made himself. He will expect you do cover him from now on, his ex will never be happy, and chances are, he'll leave you if you don't keep helping him and will never pay you back. Let him take care of himself. He's a big boy.
2007-01-18 15:03:09 · answer #9 · answered by schoolot 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
i dont care if youve known him since you were 2, it takes one night for someone to completely change and backfire on you.
Dont, not on your life!! .. its not your obligation to, so therefore he cant get mad at you for it.
I had a friend who thought hed marry this girl and love her forever.. knew her all his life... asked her to marry him.. she said i do.. told him she was in debt, he paid off her car and her debt, 15k approx. He struggled sooo much to get that youd be amazed... day and night shifts. never slept. What happened a month later? He found her cheating.. not only cheating.. but she was in a relationship with another guy for many months... she stole his friends, his money, his life... literally.. he committed suicide a month later.. he was uncontrollably depressed and nothing helped him get over it or atleast get control of himself.. abused acid shortly after which added to the depression until he finally killed himself.
Unless 21k is pocket change to you.. dont do it, for too many reasons to say... HELL NAH FOO GET A JOB SON!!!! 5 JOBS IF THATS WHAT IT TAKES!! BOOYAH! ... say that... hell be totally wierded out, garunteed, you wont need to explain yourself later either.
2007-01-18 15:01:27 · answer #10 · answered by Corey 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋