we are both in our late 30s and make about the same amount of money.but 5yrs ago he went thru a nasty divorce which left him in debt.the reason being is he allowed his exwife to make him feel guilty about leaving his family so he gave her everything car,bank accounts,stocks,house plus a large child support payment.i feel this was his chose(except child support) and he should have thought about this before he allowed his ex to get the better of him.if i give him the money(which i could)what stops him from giving her more when she poors on the guilt trip which she does all the time.i know this makes me sound like a b-tch but how would you feel if the ex wife gets to go on cruises(on your bfs child support money) and your bf has just enough money to go to the next state with you? this really happened!am i a bad person because i don't want to fund her next trip?
2007-01-18 14:50:32 · 24 answers · asked by karen7neely 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Then you don't marry this man. Period. He is still b eing controlled by his ex wife and he is dragging you into it. And you are NOT sounding like a b*tch, you are sounding like a women with her head on halfway right..lol!
Just break it off and find a more sane guy. Sorry hun...some men are still babies..
2007-01-18 14:55:19 · answer #1 · answered by Pandora 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I am sorry but I must say this, He sounds as if she is still pulling his strings !! and a man that lets that happen time and time again will keep on letting it happen no matter what, even remarrying !!! IF and I say IF you did give him the money to pay off this debt, like you say there is no promise or knowing that she will not pull more strings and pull them tighter and harder !!! and IF you pay this debt off I would strongly suggest that it be kept business like with a lawyer drawing up papers and all... this protects YOU from the ex..... He has responsibilities to those kids, and they come first, and if Mom is going on cruises with the kids money that is NOT saying much for her, so Dad needs to go back to court and get the support lowered or at least some put into trust funds for schooling etc..... If he can prove that the money is NOT used for the kids good then he needs to do it.... YOU need to sit down with this man and make your feelings known to him about all this... do not assume it will all work out.... you stand to loose more than money here....... God bless
2007-01-18 15:09:36 · answer #2 · answered by Annie 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why put yourself through this. You are not even married to him yet, but when you do get married to this man, there is going to be so much chaos that you may regret what you have done!
First of all. Don't pay his dept! That is his dept, not yours. Don't give him anymore money to pay for anything. He is having these problems with his ex because he is not being a man about it with doing the right thing. If he wanted to, he can prove to the courts that she is using the money for all these cruises, when it is suppose to go to his kids! What ever happened was between the two of them. This should NOT include you. It would be a HUGE mistake to marry him because you will have her in your life because of the kids. This woman is going to be who she is, and I feel so sorry for the kids who are the ones being hurt with their parents behavior. So sad.
This is all the parents fault. He has responsibilities for his kids. There is nothing you can do either. His priorities should be his kids first.
Please do yourself a favor, don't help him anymore with his child support, he needs to be responsible for his own actions, not you. Don't marry into this, you will thank me later! (smile)
If I were him, I would not be dating either. He needs to raise his kids until they are like 18, then he should date. Right now, he should take care of his kids, even though the mother has them. He shouldn't be dating at all. You should probably find yourself someone else, unless you are willing to wait for him when the kids are 18 years old? It would be a waste of your time and life.
2007-01-18 15:09:31 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
it's so complicated, if you don't give him the money then he'll think that you don't trust him and that you don't want to share your life and everything you have with him...If you give him the money then you're right his ex-wife might get her hands on this money.
Maybe you should let the lawyer draw up some papers saying what's yours and what's his befire you guys get married kind of a prenuptial agreement and you can lend him that money, if he doesn't pay his debts with that money and gives it to his ex to spend then you ask him for the money back.
If you are going to marry him you should trust him, if you can't trust his decisions because of his ex interfering then your life after marriage will be awful with her in the middle of all your problems. Be careful, think about it again, look into your relationship a little further, see what it would be like and if you can live with it
2007-01-18 15:20:33 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
His debts until you get married are just that...do NOT give him money to pay off HIS debts. Tell him to pay his own bills and then start walking.
As for her going on cruises and vacations on the child support money...I would assume that you have proof of that? I men since you're making that claim which can be held as slander/liable in a court of law..
2007-01-18 14:57:12 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
you actually might want to no longer repay his expenses. i'll't believe he might want to even ask the type of subject matter. funds themes is the biggest reason marriages bring about divorce. make confident you 2 are on an same web page even as it contains funds and paying expenses. It appears like he spends even regardless of the reality that he wouldn't have it which will be a surprising project. He should not be funding something for his ex-spouse except newborn help. he continues to be too emotionally connected to his ex-spouse to grant her funds even as she pours on the guilt yet she's in a position to bypass on cruises and he isn't any longer. bypass to counseling earlier you get married to help with those issues. good success!
2016-10-15 10:37:48 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why marry a guy so far in debt? You'll ready to retire by the time he's all paid up. In fact, you could use the money for the wedding to pay this, and tell him you won't marry him unless he can support himself, because that's not your job. A marriage should be a pleasure, not a burden.
2007-01-18 15:35:32 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You want advise...don't give him the money. If you want to keep giving or lose a BF then hand him over the money because that is the 2 options you will have left to you. I'm not telling you this as just advise but to say I have done this and he went back to his wife after all my money was gone, she laid on the guilt thicker than oil after I started giving him money to help out.
2007-01-18 14:58:53 · answer #8 · answered by sassywv 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I dont think you should pay his debt for him, thats his responsibility, but I would think twice about getting into a marriage if you are harboring hard feelings about his divorce agreement since its likely to be there for several more years. I can say that in my divorce I gave up more than I needed to, but it allowed my kids to stay in the home, stay in the same school etc. I could have given her much less but didnt feel like the kids should suffer because we split up.
2007-01-18 14:59:14 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
$21,000 is A LOT of money. You are not a bad person for not wanting to give her any money. However, you have to remember that financially, this becomes your problem as well once your married. You need to set boundries with you fiance as to what money his ex gets. She's entiled to child support and that's it (unless there's something else in the divorce decree).
2007-01-18 14:56:21 · answer #10 · answered by reandsmom77 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your not a B your just a wise woman, hell no don't give him the money that was his debt let him take care of it, my husband came into our marriage with a huge credit card debt from his ex and I am sure not going to pay it, he can.
I would also suggest you take over finances of you guy's new home so softy will not be giving your future away.
2007-01-18 16:20:58 · answer #11 · answered by livlafluv 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋