my bf's son is spolied rottten from his parents guilt over the divorce(he was a baby when they divorced and does not even remember them together)they both allow him to walk all over them and give into his ever wish.i really could care less what his mom does but his dad is just as bad and i live with my bf.he wants consent attention from my bf and has a fit if my bf shows me any.he also consently talks back to us mostly me and i have a hard time getting him to behave for me.how can i get my bf to get over his guilt and step up as a parent and discipline his child.also can any stepmoms give me any advice on how i can get his child to listen and respect me.i have been with my bf for 4 yrs and the older his son gets the worse its getting.
2007-01-18 14:24:54 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Don't try to be his mom but be his friend. Being a step parent is a really difficult position to be in. You get to have all of the responsibility of being a parent on the visitations but you get none of the privilidges. First, understand that he is 7 years old. He doesn't need to remember his parents ever living together to have the secret wish for his mom and dad to live with him.
Don't make it a contest between you and him. I don't mean that you are competing but the child may view the dynamics of the relationship as being a competition for him. If he doesn't live with his father then he will naturally want all of his attention and view you as an interloper.
His mother can play an intregal part in the relationship as well. If she is speaking negatively about you in his presence then this will justify his lack of disrespect for you in his mind. "If mommy thinks like this...then she must be right and I don't have to listen to you..."
Similarly, if he has ever heard you berate his father or belittle his mother or even himself in an unconstructive manner then he will feel defensive for the sake of all concerned.
As I said, it is a really difficult position you are in. I gained an entirely new appreciation for the stepmom when I saw the movie "STEPMOM" starring Julia Roberts.
Dr.Phil did a series on step parenting. You might want to look into getting one of his books that addresses your position and offers some positive actions you can implement.
Good Luck!
2007-01-18 15:02:45 · answer #1 · answered by GrnApl 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Been there. Unless your husband puts his foot down nothing will change. Except he will get worse. It may even progress to hitting you. Your husband needs to realize that having his sons respect means more than his son having him wrapped around his finger. He is not doing his son any favors , no onoe will like him or want him around, behavior like that is ugly . And you will end up leaving if he doesn't put his pants back on and be the man of the house.
2007-01-18 14:35:07 · answer #2 · answered by *queenfairy1*Antioch California 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hate to tell you this, but this will get much worse. The more you talk about it, the more he will resist. He will defend his son and you will be viewed as the attacker.
I lived through this with my husband. His son was 10 when we met. He was a total brat and a manipulator. We did not get married until he was 19...and had learned to behave himself.
2007-01-18 14:33:42 · answer #3 · answered by Jennifer D 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Youre best hope is to try to establish a friendship with the boy, you arent his mother and shouldnt try to be. Cultivate a friendship and use that leverage to get him to behave
2007-01-18 14:34:36 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋