My ex-husband and I went through a divorce about a year ago. One of the reasons we divorced is that I was dealing with some very tough medical problems and my ex was not emotionally there for me and started treating me very badly. I went to counseling and was told by the counselor that she felt there was no way counseling would help our marriage. I agreed with her at the time and filed for divorce (my ex said he would have gone through counseling). We have a young son that is in elementary school. Now, I'm having regrets. It is much tougher being a single parent than I expected and my ex now is being nice. Any suggestions?
2007-01-18 13:39:47 · 17 answers · asked by Pam 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I think the counselor was so wrong to tell you there was no hope for your marriage, and if he is being nice now and you can forgive him for not being there for you when you needed him then try again. some people don't know what to say or what to do for people in pain.. sounds like you may have already forgiven him. and that's a huge step towards being reunited with him.. wow, you are a strong person. also sounds like you might think its easier to forgive him and be with him then finding someone else, and you may be right there too. do what your heart tells you. if he isn't abusive in any way try again. good luck!
2007-01-18 13:49:05 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oooh! I think this will really help!
Check out John Gottman's research in Seattle. Apparently, this guy has done some good scientific research into the question of why some marriages last while others fail.
Based on his findings, a 10 hour training program has been created to help give people marriage skills. This is different from therapy because they are looking at different factors. Quite interesting, really. He shows scientifically that some arguments that traditional marriage couselling would view as unhealthy are ACTUALLY healthy and that some arguements that traditional counselling would view as healthy are not.
Even the president is sending funding his way for research and has included training programs based on his work as part of welfare. More and more church clergy are being trained in it to assist their parish.
I first read about this research last year in the book "Blink." Just yesterday, I heard a lengthy segment from the NPR radio program, This American Life in which he was interviewed. Go to
http://www.thislife.org
and search for the show titled "Sanctity of Marriage"
When you click on that show, you have three options: buy it on cd, buy it to download it OR listen to it streaming for free (indicated by the blue icon that looks like a speaker, which you can click and listen right away). The Gottman story is the first part of the show.
Good luck. It's always touchy when kids are involved. I hope you find the best solution for everyone.
2007-01-18 21:52:56 · answer #2 · answered by Sri 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't fall for it. If someone is going to treat you bad when you are sick or is not willing to be there for you then you don't need to be with a person like that. Also if he really meant that he would go through counseling he would have said something. Nobody wants to be divorced but sometimes that is the way it works out and you just have to decide that it did not work out and that you just have to do what is best for you and your child(ren). But if you have it in your mind that you are going to be with him then move back in together first and see if he has really changed. It could also be because you are not sick any more. Good Luck and Best Wishes.
2007-01-18 22:03:16 · answer #3 · answered by FullofQuestions 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes i do feel that two people can definitley remarry happily after being divorced if they both choose to love and forgive each other of the past and they want to renew and remarry and try and start over again... I think this is great and should happen more often. Follow your heart and do what you think is right for you to do.
2007-01-18 21:45:50 · answer #4 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If there has been a real change in your attitudes, it might be okay to take another chance on marriage. The odds may be even money at best, and maybe if you decide to make another try you ought to just move in together and put off remarrying until you've been together for a year. Good luck to all of you.
2007-01-18 21:45:17 · answer #5 · answered by David W 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So you are telling me that just because you feel now that is too difficult for you to have to deal with your own son you are wiling to accept to be treat bad by this person,you don't need counseling you need high impact coaching
2007-01-18 22:06:30 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is what's going to happen your going to get back together and then your going to get a divorce again. Do you really trust your ex? You decide? Do you think you can get married again? Can you live with him?`
2007-01-18 21:45:09 · answer #7 · answered by noting could b r e a k us apart 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, history always repeats itself. I would not take him back. if I were you, because LIFE always hands you more problems and you know how he treated you before. Being single is tough, but you can go it alone. give it a chance good luck!
2007-01-18 21:48:53 · answer #8 · answered by Bonduesa 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well personally i think you shouldnt try to get back with the dude he wasnt there when you were having problems then what happens if something else goes wrong is he gonna go then too?...besides an ex is an ex for a reason keep it that way
2007-01-18 21:45:29 · answer #9 · answered by julie31061 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
These are certainly unusual circumstances. But, in that year, how has your husband changed?
"In sickness and in health".....remember that one?
What tells you that he's not going to 'run' again when things get tough? Give it time and don't rush into anything.
2007-01-18 21:44:18 · answer #10 · answered by buster 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋