I'm 33, and I've been in my current relationship for about 18months. I thought I had found "the one", and subsequently I proposed after 13 months together. She came out of a six year abusive relationship and we were together straight after. Although she had said she was mentally out of the relationship a year earlier, but had stayed because of the kids. Since then, we have like I said got engaged, and we live together, the kids are on week about, so the ex is still apart of our lives. The last month has not been fun, she is moody, hardly spends time with me, and pretty well stopped being intimitate, saying she is not in the mood. I asked her today if we were okay?she replied I don't know. I was a bit upset, and when I had a chance I checked her cell for messages, and there was one from her ex today, that said "I'm looking forward to it xxxooo, I want you."I don't know what to do. I'm worried if it's inocent, then if I say something then there it ends. But what if it's not. I'm confused
2007-01-18 13:05:35 · 11 answers · asked by ? 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The above was from yesterday, later on:
We spoke tonight, well I spoke... I told her all I want is for her to be happy. I told her, we can't go on like it is, and that my heart is hers but I need hers in return. etc etc... I told her I would leave, if things stayed as they were. There were tears, but she wouldn't look at me, and after 20 mins of me talking she walked outside for a smoke, so I left a note on the table that said, my heart is yours,always has been, but I need yours in return"
I'll give her a couple more days, then I'll give her what it seems she wants, I'll leave.
Don't think I can stay in the same area, think I'll have to move. This will crush me for a long time. I really truely love this woman, but as I said to her... I want to grow old with you, but you have to want to grow old with me for this to work.
2007-01-18 13:06:20 · update #1
Wise and very intelligent move. Now you need to back off to let
her make the next move. I've been through one divorce and believe me it wasn't fun. Word of advice, if you do get back
together keep your eyes open! If it doesn't work out just accept
it and move on. I know it's easier said than done. My thoughts and
prayers are with you.
2007-01-18 13:20:11 · answer #1 · answered by Williamstown 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It will be extremely hard but it sounds like you made the right decision. If something is going on behind your back and it contiues you would be the one being mentally abuse then. You deserve better. You sound like a really nice guy. And take it from someone that's been there, in an eight year marriage that he walked away from. You won't quit breathing when that chapter of your life is closed. And if you're as fortunate as I was you'll meet someone that will make you look back at the pain and be able to say, "I would go through it all over again to have the life with the person I'm with now." So hang in there.
Don't think about her.......... think about yourself.
I wish you the best.
2007-01-18 21:27:13 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My heart is breaking for you at this moment, I have been in your shoes and it is not a fun place to be. As for the text from her ex, well there is only one conclusion you or anyone else would come to, she's being intimate with him again. If she has made up her mind that she wants her ex back then there really isn't much you can do. You are however doing the right thing, state your case and back off, let her come to you if she so chooses. Fighting it will only cause you more heartache. But you should not stay there if her affection is being given to someone else, you must know that you deserve so much more than that. Granted leaving her may hurt but it would hurt more to stay. You deserve a woman who will return your love and affection, one who will be right beside you and only you, one that would give her life for yours as you would for hers.Your facing a long hard road ahead but rest assured it will get better and you will find the love your looking for. Good Luck Sweetie.
2007-01-18 21:26:33 · answer #3 · answered by jenny 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately, I think you have actually answered your own question as what to do. It sounds like she wasnt completely over her ex and got involved with you while still on the rebound to help try ease the pain. She probably used you to get what she really wanted all along. Theres probably not a whole lot you can do to save your marriage now, so cut your losses and move on hopefully to someone soon wholl appreciate you for you and wont come with excess baggage. Sorry, wish I had some magicical cure all answer for you but I dont. Remember it will take some time to get over this but with each passing day the pain will ease a little more. Good luck
2007-01-18 21:18:17 · answer #4 · answered by Arthur W 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Time to move on. She will always be sucked into a bad relationship even though she knows your better for her. As a sensitive guy, your always open to meet people like this a get walked on because it's in your nature to want to help someone, especially when they are in a bad situation like she is. Unfortunately, if you don't change your situation as well, you will keep getting hurt by the same people too. Time to move on and make a better life.
2007-01-18 21:19:48 · answer #5 · answered by Erik S 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Walk away now. There will be time to lick your wounds later. I'm sorry but SOME women expect the abuse and contribute to the cycle by returning again and again. Hell, SOME think you don't love them as much if you don't hit them sometimes. I'm not saying it is right...I'm just saying in some cases...it's true.
2007-01-18 21:40:10 · answer #6 · answered by johnnydean86 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know what it's like to love someone that way and them not love u in return. and this is one of those cases. real love, true love is all the things u said to her and your willingness to make it work with this woman. her reactions to you expressing your feelings seems unloving to me. love has no doubts, no boundaries,and love is not proud. she seems to have all these in the way she seems to be responding and acting towards you. to be honest, as a woman speaking. i believe her feelings for her ex are stronger than the feelings she has for you. you provide for her and her kids are well where they are, that's what stops her more than feelings. if her ex is leaving messages like that, it is because she is giving him the confidence to do that. don't wait around because believe me the more time u let go by this way, the bigger the sound of your heart cracking. u deserve to be loved in return. start getting the weight off your heart* one day at a time.
2007-01-18 21:25:08 · answer #7 · answered by gracy808 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
That's such a heartbreaking situation. The message from the ex and her actions towards you really doesn't make things look promising. All you can do is give her space and let her make a decision. I wish you all the best.
2007-01-18 21:11:34 · answer #8 · answered by color me blue 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She's done with you. She will get back with her ex if she hasn't already, and then they will break up many more times. If you are there waiting for her, she might come back to you, but not for the reasons you want!
Get over it. Move on. Give it to someone who wants it! And someone who will feel the same way about you...
2007-01-18 21:14:09 · answer #9 · answered by pineconeamanda 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
that is so terrible.
but maybe she feels the same way. maybe he sent her message for her to feel bad and spoil your relationship.
anyway, i wish you all the best.
GOOD LUCK
2007-01-18 21:20:54 · answer #10 · answered by Sweet_summer_breeze 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋