we have been married for 26 yrs and we are childhood sweethearts but at times he shows a side of himself that is such a complete and utter jerk. he can be selfish,( eg. makes his own lunch but doesnt offer anyone else something to eat) irresponsible (doesnt care what the kids get up to when i am out) and critical and cynical (of everyone and everything around him). but then he also has a warm loving gentle side that only i see. sometimes i question why i stay married to such a jerk. but then he comes good for awhile. I like my life with him most of the time but we just dont seem to have the same values and decency as each other.
leaving him is not an option to me, i am still deeply in love with him, but it saddens me greatly that i am married to such a jekyll and hyde. We only have one child left living at home but give him any responsibility or expectations (his word) and he rebels.
i am really sick of being the only adult in this relationship .
2007-01-18 12:43:15 · 14 answers · asked by elly 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I understand what you are saying about the selfish part but try looking at it like this; There are MANNY women in this world that would be thrilled to death to have a husband that would make himself something to eat and not get very angry because she was not stopping everything that she was doing to make a home cooked meal for him. I am not suggesting that you lower your standards. I am asking that you take a look around you, it really could be so much worse. I have been married for 18 years myself and I do know that when you are in love and safely tucked away in a long term relationship it is easy to loose sight of all the horrible ways people have to hurt each other. It is also very easy to expect to much from the person that you love the most. try to look for all the best things about the man that you love.
After all, I'd say he's an amazing guy if you are this much in love with him after so many years.
2007-01-18 13:09:12 · answer #1 · answered by Chentelle 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think most of us are, not all are with the same things but yes. I'm selfish in thinking that I wish we had more time to be here and knowing one day we will be a grave yard that is leveled and a high rise built. Like it's kind of useless this thing we call life. One day no one will be left that knew you when you was alive. Scares the hell out of me, and I'm pissed at that fact.
2016-03-29 03:54:58 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Once the last child leaves, quit being the adult in the relationship.
This will not get better.
When you are not afraid of leaving, you can do things that threaten him with ending the relationship if he dosen't straighten out. He won't, and then you'll leave--and you'll be better off.
2007-01-18 13:06:10 · answer #3 · answered by mt_hopper 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
At the beginning of all relationships we teach people how to treat us.
I think your marriage could really benefit from marriage counseling and if he won't go that's OK...go by yourself.
I think if you find the right therapist it will make a world of difference in your marriage.
2007-01-18 12:54:30 · answer #4 · answered by daljack -a girl 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I recommend buying a book called The Power of a Praying Wife. If you have the love of God in your heart, pray the prayers listed in the book over your husband. And God will be failthful to change your husband
2007-01-18 12:47:35 · answer #5 · answered by janetrmi 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You may want to check out if he is bi-polar. From the description you wrote, he has several of the symptoms. I totally feel for you, since I have been there myself.
Best wishes.
2007-01-18 13:01:25 · answer #6 · answered by alexis09178 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Seek help and marriage counseling for you and for your husband... Aren't we all selfish at times??? I mean no one is perfect and we all have flaws and make mistakes. He may need medical help for his personality disorder as well.... He seems a little unbalanced to me and maybe he has an anger problem and maybe even be depressed and stressed out at times.
2007-01-18 12:54:54 · answer #7 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Many of his symptoms could suggest Depression. Guys usually do not get sad when depressed; they get irritable & critical.
2007-01-18 13:44:06 · answer #8 · answered by Daiquiri Dream 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is like looking in a mirror, I am sure you will see a reflection of yourself!
2007-01-18 13:06:42 · answer #9 · answered by Anarchy99 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As long as he loves you and does not cheat on you you should learn to appreciate his weakness. Nobody in the world is perfect.
2007-01-18 12:53:09 · answer #10 · answered by dancingsnow 1 · 1⤊ 2⤋