what should I do about my best friends husband making advances at me?

Question

The other night my husband went out with my best friends husband who until now I have considered to be my friend as well. Around 9 o'clock my husband called to say hi when (we'll call him) Nick asked if he could talk to me. Heading to the mens room my husband gave him the phone and Nick he asked me when "we" could get together for a drink... I said confused - what do you mean "we"? he proceeded to tell me that he has had feelings for me for a very long time and wanted to take things further. In Shock and not knowing what to say, I quickly made up a reason to get off the phone. I do not in anyway, shape or form share the same feeling and am sickened by his confession. I have been so upset that I haven't been able to sleep. I finally told my husband today and he handled the news with calm maturity and grace but was obviously very upset. What should we do about Nicks horrible actions and should we tell my best friend? My fear is losing a friendship with a girl that I love so dear

Thank you for your advice! What I didn't get to say because of lack of room is that Nick has called me a few times since that night and as I am still not sure of how to handle the situation I have just quickly said "oh hey Nick, let me get Mike for you". At least two times he tried to stop me from getting Mike by saying "wait - I want to talk to you" I act like I can't hear him because I just don't know how to react to this ***. After speaking with Mike today we decided that it will be he that tell Nick to never call me or our home and that he will never be invited into our home again but the real issue here is my darling girlfriend. I would want to know and would be very angry if one of my friends knew something and didn't tell me. Nick also asked Mike the night that they were out if he had ever cheated on me so when I told Mike about Nick calling me he shook his head and said "this is all making sense" We think that Nick was trying to get something to use against Mike to get me

Answer 1

If it were me I would tell my friend.

I had the same thing happen years ago. Then my friend divorced him. and I told her. It took along time before she was not mad at me.

Friends can be for life. Lying cheating dogs are fleeting. And if he is brazen enough to approach you, while he is with your hubby, then what does he do when no one is around??

Answer 2

The other guy wiull deny this totally. He sdoesn';t want to screw up with his present wif. Make sure of that. However, you and hubby must certainly stay away from Mr. Cheater, end of discussion.

As for your really good friend, perhaps you could see her alone without hubby. If she wants all four of you to get together, Say you'll talk it iver with your husband. I'd not tell her directly. However, your hubby shouyld speak to him and tell him that he is not welcome in your hime anymore and he is noit to call at all.

Your friend might figure it out. If she approaches you and asks if she's done anything wrong, of course state that she is woinderful and you love her. If she brings up her hubby, you could simply sate that she should talk to him about it, that he was exremely imapporpriate with her, and he is no longer welcome in your home.

Answer 3

Tell her and if she gets mad then its on her. Later WHEN she finds out that hes not who she thinks he is then she'll come to her senses and you two will be tight again, but if u dont then shes gonna suggest that all four of you get together again and you gotta keep making up reasons why you cant make it, and if she finds out that u knew he was a dog then shes gonna be very angry with you.

Answer 4

No dont tell her.. will only upset her and he'll probably turn and say ur making it up.. if i were u , id have my husband confront him about it..and tell him to back off.. Was he drinking? if he was id let it go for the most part, could of been just a drunken mistake.. but if he continues id definately let ur friend in on it, but not with out proof ..that way he cant deny it, and she can see with her own eyes what a POS she's married to..

Answer 5

Go off on Nick so he'll know not to even try that with you and let your friend figure out why you can't stand her husband.

Answer 6

Worse than loosing your friendship, is loosing your friend. Her boyfriend is obviously someone of low morale or character. He is only going to hurt her, because he obviously does not love her. I will tell her, tactfully, and let her know .... no matter what choices she makes you will be there for her. The only true friendship is when friends are truthful and honest with one another.

Answer 7

she will find out in the end. at least your husband has supported you when you told him. many years ago my ex had a friend (best friend) who i thought was mine as well. one day my husband went to work and i was hanging curtains and felt someone was watching me. i turned around and it was him. he asked where my ex was and i told him at work. i think to much about it because i knew he had known that. and it made me feel uneasy. later that evening he came back, my ex husband was down the street playing cards and the friend said my ex told him to come sit down at the house with me he'll be there in a minute. so i went on about my business because that feeling came back of uneasiness. i was folding the curtains and all of a sudden his friend came up from behind me and started attacking me. after he picked himself up from the floor , i called my husband and he came to the house. i explained to him what happened and do you know what he told me. he knew him longer than he knew me(we were married for five years). so i was lying. i have never forgiven him for that. my point is if you tell her she might assume that you were trying to come on to him.and you will still lose a very good friend. if you can ,have patience it will come out in the end. (p.s. hug your husband for me because he loves and believes you.)

Answer 8

Either you or your husband should confront him, make it perfectly clear that he was out of line, let him know that you wont tell his wife out of respect for her feelings but will the next time....in the mean time stay away from him for a while

Answer 9

You should tell her the truth if she's your best friend. Better to be hurt early than deeply . As a best friend do you want her to be cheated on by two persons she most loves?

Answer 10

If she is your best friend you should tell her, if he is hitting on you, I'm sure he is doing it to other women as well. and no one should have to put up with that. she may be mad at first, but if she really is your best friend then she will come around and see you only told her for her own best interest.