I am 8 months pregnant and I know my 24 yr old husband is having an emotional affair with a 17yr old girl at work.via text message and phone. If it stops here we can work it out so what is the best rational way to tell you husband to quit talking to her without making it seem like your the bad guy. I have already confrunted both of them about it but so far neither has listened. Beside leaving him, what is the best thing to do. I want him in his childs life.
Do i tell her parents? Do i give him a ultimatime?
What is the best way to approach this situation?
2007-01-18 11:34:47 · 20 answers · asked by I♥Karma 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I think you should tell him how you feel. Being upset and worrying about this is not good for you especially since you are pregnant. I had a similiar situation when I was carrying my daughter...blood pressure went up, etc....I would flat out tell him he is not respecting you and honoring you as his wife and you will not tolerate it.
2007-01-18 11:44:51 · answer #1 · answered by Alapooh 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK first of all he needs to know that this would never be legal if things were to go too far with this girl, and I hope that things haven't. here is the thing. men love attention from women. especially if they are a lot younger than them. (and it doesn't hurt if they are pretty too)
this is a fantasy for your husband! of course he is going to respond to a17 year old girl who is giving him attention. most men start going through a early mid life crises at the age of 24-30 as well, its just what happens to them. he is trying to stay young by taking on a new young "friend"
here is what you need to do. if you let it keep happening it is going to cause a lot of tension between the two of you. you need to put your foot down and let him know that this can no longer happen. let him know that you are not trying to be the bad guy but it really is not fair to you or your baby for him to be constantly involved with another woman.
you are his wife you are allowed to give him a ultimatum about this. if the situation was switched he would be completely pissed off at you. tell him he needs to keep there relationship work related and nothing more, no more text messaging or phone calls.
if he refuses to do this than you know that he will not make a good father or husband for you because he should be able to give something this small up really fast for his wife and future child.
good luck honey
2007-01-18 20:04:58 · answer #2 · answered by play hard 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know you would like to keep him around but this is just the beginning of problems to come. If he has the audacity to do this while you are pregnant, he is not a decent guy to begin with. He has three points against him, 1. he is married 2. he is about to become a father 3. He's hitting on a 17 year old girl (which will become statutory rape if he decides to have sex with her.) You can give him an ultimatum but at this point, I don't think this relationship can be saved, baby or not.
2007-01-18 21:44:52 · answer #3 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry to say if he does this to you now, what will he do in the future. He might be getting something from her due to you being PG, and he is scared of hurting the baby or maybe it turns him off. However; It is wrong no matter how a person looks at it. I feel for you. If you can forgive him, and want to work it out thats a decision you need to sort out on your own honey, as for not having him in your childs life, is totally a different story. If you feel you can't forgive him and want to get out of the situation, the child can still and should see both parents, as well as love them both as they grow. Don't hold the child over his head, not saying you would, just alot of people do use their child as a leverage or a pond if you know what I mean. I am truly sad for both of you and you are both still young. But if I were you I would put your foot down and tell him its either HER or ME.. Give him space, cause you want him to be honest with his feelings.. "Good luck to you" take of yourself ok, and that baby you are carrying.. :)
2007-01-18 19:50:51 · answer #4 · answered by Sunflower 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband may be 24, but he is very immature. He needs to know that you can never fix a problem in the marriage, by going outside the marriage. A baby is a big responsibility, and I think he is having major anxiety about that. He needs to talk with you about his fears and concerns. He chose to get married, he made a baby, he needs to grow up fast. Its not just his life he is messing with. There is nothing this 17yr old girl can do for him , except stroke his ego. By being involved with her he is avoiding his responsibility to you and your unborn child. You make the choice for you and your baby, then tell him what has to happen. You eather want him or you don't, he lost his right to choose.
2007-01-18 20:41:46 · answer #5 · answered by sweetpea 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh, you have so many options. I dont know if you are aware of this but your husbands relationship with this child can ultimately lead to sexual harassment and discharge. He can also be sued in civil court. She is 17, dont trust her.
Besides the fact that your husband is being a complete #ss, you should probably let him know just exactly how bad of a situation he is putting you in. If he doesn't listen you can always tell his boss about the affair. There wouldn't be any further discussions.
2007-01-18 19:56:40 · answer #6 · answered by dancing11freak 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off, it's not just emotional and the intent isn't as innocent as he may make it out. As Dr. Laura ould say, you decided to make this baby, and you owe it the best life that it can have. Personally piss him off, confront him, and tell him what your decision is. Put the ball in his court. It's now a case of who is he a honest father or a mistake that a small child will call father and look up to him. When the child has a question refer it to the father. I hope you stick it out and try, otherwise family is the closest next option.
2007-01-18 19:49:34 · answer #7 · answered by chapman_red 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are in a tough situation, but in the best interest for you and your unborn child, get rid of the jerk. If he is doing this, then eventually, something more will happen. So if you've already approached both parties, and it's still going on, well there is your answer, move on with yours and your beautiful babies life. All the best to you.jkk
2007-01-18 19:52:41 · answer #8 · answered by Cindybear 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your 24 year husband would be called a pedophile in some circles you know. But besides that, if this is how it is now, what is it going to be like later? I would be talking divorce and child support at this point my friend. HE is the BAD GUY...not you. You may have some self-esteem issues, but he is cheating. Emotional cheating and infidelity is just as bad as the physical act of cheating...you cannot truly be present in your current relationship if you are cheating. Before leaving him however suggest marriage counseling and if he says no, you must move on.
2007-01-18 19:42:03 · answer #9 · answered by Suzanne 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You need to not be walked all over, You might want to get any proof you can if you need it before making any threats, Its hard enough being pregnant with out having to deal with this. My brother actually cheated on my sister in law when she was pregnant, I cannot believe she stayed, well he cheated 3 more times that we know of before she got the guts to leave, now she has 3 kids and of course she would not change that but a hard thing to deal with. I would demand counseling for the both of you and if he is not willing to make you feel safe to trust him, Get out!!! the sooner the better
2007-01-18 19:46:25 · answer #10 · answered by misheal 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋