I'm confused?

Question

It's a very long story but me and a girl I liked for many years stopped being friends many months ago as she said because of my feelings we couldn;t be friends. She always knew how I felt and gave me the impression she liked me on many occassions, but any how she one day emailed me to tell me to never contact her again, which upset me greatly but I did what she asked. About about 3 months later she sent me a message just saying hi and hope i'm ok etc. I replied in a nice way and assumed it was her way of making everything end on a nicer note. It again was hard for me as it got me thinking about her so much more again. But then gradually it started to sink in that I wont hear from her ever again. Now all of a sudden about two months on I got an email saying she had invited me to be her friend on one of those online profile things.

I was shocked but didn't have the heart to say no so accepted and just sent a short but nice hello message on it wishing her and the family a happy new year etc. Since then she hasn't looked at the message so the whole thing seems a bit pointless. ANd each time this sort of thing happens it just sends me back one step. Why do people do this?

Answer 1

well the friend thing will be a chain mail
and well id just get over it

Answer 2

Some (in fact all!) girls like to be admired by boys, and I think she is one of those. She likes to keep your friendship as she feels good being 'loved'. You said she knew your feelings about her, but her behaviour has been unstable. This makes me think that she is trying to maintain a certain level of relationship but didn't want to go deep.

She was probably sending out her invitation to everyone on her list, that might actually show she has a pool of friends on her profile!

I would move on my life. Whether it's with or without her would not stop me from being a genuine and passionate guy in pursuing my life goal. You sound sincere, mature and committed. Put these qualities in your job or study and you will shine. Do not be upset by what she did or didn't do.

I think you are a gentleman, given her behaviour, you still responded to her emails in a nice way . Keep up your qualities but stand back to keep a comfortable distance.

Good luck.

Answer 3

Your situation is very unfortunate. Why people do this is a VERY good question. It took me a long time to figure it out but I finally have. It sounded like in the beginning you were always there for your friend and she knew that. Then she didn't want you speaking to her anymore so she cut off all ties with you. Then when she feels like you may have finally gotten over her and moved on she sends you a message. She doesn't want you to forget about her or move on. Even if she doesnt want to be your friend anymore she expects you to worshi her forever. it's selfish really. She needs the comfort and satisfaction of thinking 'oh well, at least i always have ** (whatever your name is) to be there if i ever get bored.' And its sad and its mean because it toys with your emotions. Do not get too caught up in it. It very well may be her own insecurites and needing to know that there is always someone who likes her. I'm sorry that's probably not the nicest answer you were looking for but it's honest.

Answer 4

Ok let me get this straight...you liked this girl for years, and she knew it and then suddenly decided she was uncomfortable about it? Weird. That is what I call that behavior. But people are weird. There must have been aspects of the relationship she liked if she kept you around for years ( don't you see the absurdity???) She had all the power becauseyou revealed your feelings and she did not reciprocate them...don't you see that? You are like a "pet" for lack of a better description.....so every once in awhile she takes you out and plays with you. But she is really of two minds. She misses aspects of you but not all of you. I think she liked your attention quite frankly. Why do people do that? Because some folks thrive off the attention of others, and sometimes that causes them to feel "powerful" because they have low self-esteem.

Dump her and move on or you will be jerked around for years to come or until she finds someone else to give her attention...which is probably what happened, hence why you were dumped in the first place...MOVE ON!!!

Answer 5

I know its difficult when people do this sort of thing. Basically, she is playing rubber bands with you. I wonder if she feels bad about what she has done and tentatively checks you are okay or whether she just wants to know she can reel you in when she feels like it - a boost to her fragile ego? It would be much better all round if you were to send her an email and ask her never to contact you again - sort of turn the tables. I doubt whether it will make a difference to you but maybe she will get a taste of what its like to mess people around. I admit to having done things like that when I was young. I know it was wrong now.

Answer 6

I dont think she has thought about your feelings. By asking you to be a friend on a site, she was not inviting you to be any more than that, but, I think she enjoys knowing you are there, and every now and again wants to check that you are still hanging in there hoping.
She sounds like a very self centred person to me, possibly with low self esteem.
My advice to you would be to move on, cos all the time you are hanging on for her, you might miss out on the adventures of meeting anyone else.
I dont understand how knowing how you felt would have made it impossible for you both to be friends.

Answer 7

There are teo things you can do

She is probably just playin you, usin you, get her out of your life NOW and move on. Tough but fair

or

It is obvious that she is willing to make an effort in pathcing this up. Accept her plee and try to get closer, contact her more etc. However, you are open to humiliation. If she says she wants you out of her life, don't go without a fight. Ask why. and don't forget to talk about the past.

Answer 8

Unfortunately, when inviting friends to these kind of things they usually just invite everybody in their contact list so it may have been accidental. You need to forget about this girl and move on. You seem like a nice kind of guy and you will be much happier when you get over her. Good luck.

Answer 9

She sounds like an attention seeking little girl. If someone told me to 'never contact them again' and then later on contacted me acting as if nothing had happened, I would either depending how harsh you want to be; completely ignore them or just tell them to f.uck off...

Answer 10

Sorry to hear about that. It sounds like you're trying really hard to respect her wishes. My guess is that she got tired of you wanting to be more than friends and maybe it was interferring with her comfort with dating. It sounds like she misses you. My advice would be to get a girlfriend and then contact her.

Answer 11

This girl sounds to me like a time waster. One day she wants to be friends and then tells you to get lost. My advice to you would be to take her advice and get lost for good. There are plenty of nice girls out there who are far more caring than your previous "friend" Good luck and good hunting.