can som1 please help me correct 2 short paragraphs! (1 paragraph and conclusion of my essay)?

Question

essay: 1950's and how religion changed

POINTS IN THE ESSAY

1)before 1950's people were more reliligious
-people had more time
-it was a time of war so people stuck to the Bible for support
-The family Bible was important and was used more than in the present to record special events in the family..

2) After World War II a new economical era began with things such as televisions and cars becoming affordable for the lower class. This was the beginning of a turn away from religion.

3)It was a time where stars such as Elvis Presley and Marilyn Monroe dominated the film industry. (affected religion)

THIS IS THE PARAGRAPH I NEED CORRECTED + CONCLUSION

Religion was cherished in the early 50’s due to its need during World War II. The introduction of affordable technology causing a busier lifestyle changed the American society forever. Parents were no longer the teachers but rather the Media was. The media started to influence families.

Answer 1

All you should do in a conclusion is restate your thesis and summarize your points, just like you did in the introduction. Then make some sort of closing statement.

Your essay is about religion, so what do you feel about religion in modern times? Or how do you think our modern world is affected by religion (or the lack of religion as it seems you're point is....) Conclude with that, but don't give new information. :)

Hope that helps.

Answer 2

1) Before the 1950's, people were more religious than they were after that time period.

- People had more time to....
- It was a time of war so people stuck to the Bible to help them get through it.
- The Bible was important and was used a lot.

2) After World War II, a new economical era began. New things were being invented such as televisions, and cars were becoming affordable for people in lower classes. This was how the turn away from religion began.

3) It was a time when stars like Elvis Presley and Marilyn Monroe took over the film industry.

Here you go, I edited it for you. Hope I helped.

Answer 3

Ordinary people (like us) look up to these celebrities and whatever they do, we follow. When they become skinny, we want to be skinny as well. People start to develop eating disorders because they want to lose a large amount of weight to look like these celebrities. Well, your last sentence was a bit too long, and I really wouldn't add the part about exercise being too hard. The above paragraph states what I think you should say.

Answer 4

Is there more to your essay than that brief intro???Most of what I see is your points to the essay...post it again!