how do you get past the anger at your ex husband -it's been a year next month.?

Question

I cannot stand to see my ex. We were married 5 yrs, the first 2 were ok, the rest were pure hell as i realized who and what he was really after. he lied to me about getting married as a Catholic and later admitted he's atheist; he never told me he had a drinking problem; and has been flirting behind my back and acting single during our marriage. I DIVORCED HIM, 1 yr ago next month; and he remarried to one of the floozies who fell for him while we were together. We have a 4 yr old daughter who is the only focus of my life, he never cared for her until now, forcing her to call the new floozie mama. There is too much more to mention. When I am with my daughter, we are so happy and carefree; then darkness settles in my soul when it is his time to have her and I hate him. I am getting counseling and have been told to get past him, how? I have a job that wears me out physically, I have bills etc to focus on, and have not been out w/any man since the divorce, can't even think of doing it.

he didn't even wait for the ink to dry, picked up a stranger and was making out at the rodeo (this from friends who saw them), and then married some other woman less than 4 mos after the divorce, a wealthy nurse! he is not from here, he is scandinavian.

Answer 1

You have to change your anger for him and turn it into pity. Just forgive him and feel bad that he has yet to grow up. When you see him, just shake your head. When you see his new wife, just tell her how bad you feel for her since you know he will treat her the same way. When your daughter gets older, explain to her what lessons you learned about choosing a guy. Go out with friends and join hobbie groups. You don't need to date, Let guys your not ready to date, eventually you will make friends and you will be able to trust again. A good man should be able to respect that and give you all the space and time you need. Also don't get jealous or mad if they don't want to wait for you. That means they are not the one for you. Your goal is to be still, be patient, help others. You will feel better.

Answer 2

Wow, sounds like my situation. But I am 9 years later, happily married, another child later, and my ex is still obsessed!! Because our son is now 11, we have virtually o contact (text message only, and it is so easy to hit the delete button when it is not about our son). In the early days, however, I ended up arranging a supervised changeover through an agency - he used to be controlling and abusive whenever he picked up or I dropped off our son. It got so bad that I had to take out a Domestic Violence order (death threats to my new husband and his children). Some people just hold a lot of anger. All I can suggest is to stop any contact. Try and arrange supervised changeover through a 3rd party (mine was community based - I am in Australia and it is available and costs a very small amount). The only contact he is permitted to have with me is through text message or by writing. We will make a phone call if it is an emergency but otherwise, no contact! My ex has had a girlfriend he is living with for years - it still doesn't make a difference to his communication with me. I was fed up with it too!! SOmetimes they will never get closure.....

Answer 3

I know it is tough for you but you need to let it go. Dont forgive him but forget it. It is not worth the agony of dwelling on the past. You have a daughter together and you can not control what happens at his house (him having the daughter call her mama) As long as your daughter is being well taken care of when she is there that should be your only concern. Try to move on and find happiness in your own life. He is your daughters father and will be in your life basically forever because of this. Just be glad you are not the one stuck with him anymore and put your heart out there again not all men are like that!

Answer 4

Been through the same thing, and it sucks.

Just realize that life is not about anger, it is about you and your daughter. Focus on that. When she goes with him, use that time for you. GO OUT. MEET NEW PEOPLE. Whether we like the time the kids spend with the 'others' or not, it is their God given right to be able to do so.

Don't let him continue to rule your world, and that is exactly what you are LETTING him do. If he was worth that much, you'd still be with him.

I know it is hard, but with time you will get past it. Please continue to get help. Good Luck!

Answer 5

I will agree the first thing you did right is the Divorce!. It seems like he might have been using you in someway but i dont have details, but as far as your daughter dont punish your child by trying to keep him away that's between you and him only not your daughter. You need to concentrate on you and your daughter and begin the healing process i know you are hurting and angry at the same time, but you are stronger than you think, and you can overcome this @#!hole. In time it wont even faze you trust me.

Answer 6

Bottom line YA DON'T it took me almost 2 years to move on with my life but I found that prayer and meditation helped me with the resentment and all he did to me.He turned around and married my cousin how ya like that.If that ain't BULL I don't know what is.But I feel like this she has to deal with the monster from the black lagoon and he is going to show his true self soooon.I am glad I got away it took 25 years but I am so happy.It may not ever go away but just know life is to short and you don't need the drama just take each day at a time.

Answer 7

The way to start getting over the past cr*p is to take your share of the blame; stop pointing fingers at your ex and screaming what a lousy human being he is - *YOU* are the one who chose him as your husband, and as the father of your child. You are as responsible for the situation as he is. Good for you for not letting him walk all over you, divorcing him was the best thing you could have done. But you need to acknowledge your own role in getting into this situation; once you say - "I'm responsible, it's my fault" - you can start taking control of your life, and getting over the past. It's in your control to do better; don't be afraid to get back into the dating scene. Good luck.

Answer 8

Every time you allow the anger overide, you allow his actions take control of you. by understanding and transfering your anger to love for your daughter, you are taking control.

It will take time an patience with yourself, you can do it, take control of your life now. It's about you and your daughter now.

When she is not with you, do something that makes you happy, maybe even find a job that makes you happy, pamper yourself, this should be a fresh start for you, embrace it, YOUR SINGLE!!

Answer 9

You will get over it, my dad did. My mom pulled the same thing (well, almost) but they were married longer than you, it did the right thing sending him packing. But my only way to get over anger is go into my room lock the door, and go over why I'm mad, than think of little ways to get over it. Going to the YMCA and doing a sport helps (Imagine your ex's head (or anything else)as the ball,)

Answer 10

I like this line "he never told me he had a drinking problem" If he had a drinking problem it would have been obvious...you just chose not to see it. As for him remarrying, that was his right to do so and it doesn't matter to whom since you are divorced it's none of your business WHAT he does, WHERE he goes WHO he marries. YOU need to grow up is what YOU need to do.