My husband knew my stand on porn when we married, yet he still went ahead & did it..I've heard all the "you should get your head around it" stuff, but I don't want to be a part of someone that brings other women into our marriage. Before anyone starts on me I'm physically fit, good looking & very experimental in bed...
I don't actually have a problem with him watching porn, my problem is the fact that he lies about it. He is a free agent to do as he wants, I know I can't change that, but I also have a choice here & if I don't want to be a part of it then why does everyone tell me to accept it? I'm not trying to force him to go with what I believe, he has his choice & I want mine.
I reckon it's about time I stuck up for myself & threw him out, he can w*nk all day long then if he wants to.
I can't trust him anymore but he says I have to. has anyone else been through this & come through the other end? I can't see myself ever feeling fine about our marriage again..he makes me feel sick
2007-01-18 10:47:23 · 12 answers · asked by Angel Eyes 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
when we first married 5 yrs ago & during the 2 yrs before that he made me feel as though I was the only woman in his world, I really felt as though we had something different...then about 18 months into our marriage, I found out about the porn...some hidden under my bedroom floorboards....of all places.....if he was claiming to love me & being so attentive while still doing p*rn...how am I supposed to trust him now, his behaviour towards me hasn't changed a bit but I feel now as though I'm just a piece of meat...as though he's using my body to get off on while thinking about these porn*graphic images...he refuses to understand the way I feel even though he admits he would hate for me to be doing porn...he even has the cheek now to say I should be grateful because he told me at xmas he'd been looking for p*rn sites, he says at least I didn't have to find out myself...this isn't the first time & I know it won't be the last, I'm cool with that, do you think I'm over re-acting here?
2007-01-18 11:13:18 · update #1
Actually smecky809 I'm not a prude at all, I'm up for all he's ever asked sexually & we've done some pretty crazy stuff sex wise, I'm not against porn at all if that's what rocks your boat...I feel that when 2 people marry & agree to be as one then other women...or men for that matter...shouldn't enter into our relationship...what you want to do with your life is entirely your business..but he has admitted he would hate for me to do porn...so isn't that a little of "do as I say & not as I do"?
You're obviously fine with your husband or b/f jerking off to women that he finds sexier than you...good on you Babe, Are you so sure it's you he's thinking of while having sex with you or do you feel so little about yourself that you don't care?
I'm not saying my husband can't do it, I don't feel I have the right...just don't remove my freedom of choice while he's doing it....I also have a lot of respect for myself & for marriage...if that's your idea of a prude...well I feel sorry for you...
2007-01-18 11:34:37 · update #2
Honestly, porn is just a filler for what he's lacking in his mind. He see's what he wants in women that perform these acts, and I'll bet that when he try's stop, he becomes spissy and secluded. Porn fills his emotional needs because sex releases endorphins that make us feel really good about it. Well, saldy when he's done he realize that what he's watching is porn and turns it off, or he needs more than what he is normally getting. Emotions do make people do some really crazy things. If you need more insite e-mail, just not on here.
2007-01-18 10:55:56 · answer #1 · answered by chapman_red 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Porn can be very addicting and it is a huge problem for many men. It is so accessible and private that many people get caught up in it that normally wouldn't. How much time and money does he spend on Porn? If you think he is addicted you may have to make some hard decisions. You might look for an alanon group. I know this is a group for families members of alcoholics but the principles would be the same no matter what your husband is addicted to. You may also want to start educating yourself on porn addition so you will have a better understanding of what you are dealing with and what to do about it. I wish you well.
2007-01-18 14:18:47 · answer #2 · answered by mjohnson1422 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I can't say I have... I prefer the "don't ask don't tell" policy on porn. I knew my ex-husband looked at porn, but it didn't bother me, we never really talked about it; I looked, too, it just wasn't an issue. I think if you guys both agreed before marriage that porn was off-limits, then this is how it should stay. Sounds like he violated an agreement, and it's not good.
2007-01-18 11:04:37 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I've been through almost the same thing with my husband...it was like he addicted to porn...every time I left to run an errand went to work, etc...he was jerking off to porn. I think it is wrong it is very degrading to me as his wife. I feel like he would rather watch porn rather than repsect me and my feelings. Then to top it off he lies about it. So, we have a big trust issue in our marriage.
2007-01-18 11:05:02 · answer #4 · answered by Alapooh 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
What most guys are hooked on is not the fact that they can get "it" in real life. But they enjoy the "unreal" aspect of it. Notice almost all the stars in that industry are "attractive" and they are in unreal situations that men crave. What the man is into (lets say roleplay) the girlfriend probably isn't into. So p0rn is the outlet for that. Notice I said most guys. Some guys are happy enough with the reality sex, than the fantasy-- and some are all about fantasy.
2016-03-29 03:44:44 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're not alone and I totally agree with you. It can become an addiction for some but it's a proven relationship destroyer for all. Personally I think if you have this strong view he should respect it and stop.
Read Dr. Phils advice on this'
http://www.drphil.com/articles/article/54
and another article on porn*graphy in marriage.
http://www.familydynamics.net/using_pornography_porn_in_marriage.htm
2007-01-18 15:46:48 · answer #6 · answered by me 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's lieing about it because you're so uptight about it and it doesn't sound like he wants to give it up. Either the two of you will find a way or go your seperate ways. I'm curious...have you ever watched it? If it makes you hot (secretly or not) then, well, stop being a prude and join in. If it truly leaves you ice cold the two of you are different kinds of beings and will either compromise or...
2007-01-18 11:01:34 · answer #7 · answered by smecky809042003 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
If my husband gets addicted in watching porn stuff I'll definitely divorce him. That's not the thing I can endure.
2007-01-18 10:59:59 · answer #8 · answered by dancingsnow 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
well...then why don't you do what you want to do? instead of just sitting there arguing with him about it? while i understand where you are coming from...my question to you is...what about your needs...what about your desires? you acknowldge that he has his choice. but what is keeping you from making yours? nothing. so make your choice honey and take care of your own needs instead of just sitting there frustrated. he may need to get a taste of his own medicine before he realizes just how much it really does bother you. actions speak louder than words.
2007-01-18 10:55:08 · answer #9 · answered by cfalways 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Fastest way ti get AIDES!!!!. you want to take that chance to get AIDES, Time to put the popcorn down and walk out of the movies.
2007-01-18 10:58:07 · answer #10 · answered by railroad_joe 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋