Why do gay people always have to act gay all the time?

Question

I've got nothing against gay people. In fact I wanted to be gay! (see http://uk.answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AlDQ6vARWWUGv8EZgMqLC65JBgx.?qid=20070116033900AADD9Tf)

But I don't get why most gay people always have to act stereotype gay all the time? I'm talking about the campness, the flare in the way they speak, particularly if they have recently come out.

Is it because they think they have shocked everyone and that they are now special? People say it's because they are more like women, but I see more sophistication and coolness in straight women.

To me it seems like campness is just used to hide their own ever present insecurities. And I think gay people wouldn't get so much stick if they stopped "acting" all the time.

Maybe it's just part of being gay I guess. If close friend of mine I've known for years told me tomorrow he was gay, I'd tell him we should go for a celebration drink.

But if he started turning all Graham Nortony or Dale Wintony, I'd have to reconsider!

To deter people from replying in the lines of "all gays are not... etc" without reading the full question detail, I'm rephrasing the question:
Why do MOST gay people always have to act CAMP all the time?

The fact is TV makes look like camp twats, all the celebrities, divas, with there flare, overexcitability.

It's not just the obvious gay celebrities etiher, I'm talking about the Z listers, reality tv contestants, home improvement shows etc with "real" people.

It's like they are trying too hard to be gay just to fit in, rather than have a homosexual orientation and just be themselves. the fakeness really shows and it irratates people.

In real life I do think most of them are like that too, but you're right I haven't met many. But the few I have met do score high on the camp-o-meter. So this is what I base my view on.

Answer 1

I've always wondered that, myself. Of course, its not all gay people, but a lot do seem to behave stereotypically. A lot of people do though. Look at your average bunch of 'lads on the piss'. They all wear similar clothes, drink fizzy lager out of bottles, speak in a loud 'football crowd' sort of voice and will inevitably start singing Angels by Robbie Williams before the night is through. People feel safe as part of a tribe. When we identify with others, we behave in similar ways. People are afraid of individuality.

Answer 2

Still wrong: MOST gay people don't. SOME do. But, I'll answer the question anyways. For some people, once they've come out they find the freedom to be themselves without worrying about adhering to gender expectations (they've already had to question society's views once; they're more likely to be able to question society's views on other things and just be themself). For others, because the stereotype exists, some feel that they're "supposed to". These usually stop relatively soon after they start, once they realize they don't need to do anything special to "fit in" in the gay community. Still others do it deliberately to freak out straights: it lets people know that you're gay, so if they've got a problem with it, you know right away and don't waste your time hanging out with someone who's just going to flip out when they find out. It also lets other single men know you're gay.

Why do straight people always have to act straight is the better question.

Answer 3

'Why do gay people always have to act gay all the time?'

This is wrong. All gay people do not ALWAYS have to do anything that you mean by 'gay' , and neither do they do it. As with people of all sexualities there is enormous behavioural difference between members of this group.

What you mean by acting gay may just be someone's behaviour which reflects who they are as a person. Remember, you are not gay and so could not therefore understand what it is like for someone on the inside. Some camp people are funny, so they may wish to emulate that, in order to get positive feedback from others.

Remember, being gay in the UK isn't as easy as it is for straights. There is still enormous prejudice and ignorance which affects gay peoples lives. Not to mention harrassment and violence.

Tribal behaviours, where norms are adopted, allow for people to feel a belonging and indirectly to feel better about themselves. A sense of belonging is often what is lost when people have been rejected for their sexuality by parents, family, friends etc.

Answer 4

I'm straight, so any gay guys feel free to correct this. It is just a theory.

Does it not make sense for a gay guy to act camp so that other gay guys know that they are gay. Would it not lessen the chances of a gay guy gettin into a scrape by accidently trying to chat up a straight guy, who might react in a violent manner, either verbally or physically.

I always assumed, as confirmed by a few of my friends who are gay, that it was kind of like putting out a rainbow colour flag outside a bar, so gay guys know it's a gay bar, and straights know what to expect. I'm not saying my gay friends speak for everybody, they might have been humouring my speculation out of politeness.

Answer 5

my question to you is, do you actually know any gays or lesbians? or do you just go by generalizing stereotypes on TV and in movies?
"most" gay people do NOT "act" any different than anybody else. most can't be singled out in a crowd. sure, I've come across, on rare occasion, these stereotypical gays that you speak of, but they are a very small minority. I don't know any gays or lesbians who have "shocked" everyone and thinks they are "special" or better than anyone else. most gay men are NOT "like women."
why would you say you "wanted to be gay"...you are, or you aren't. it's not anything you can "choose."
we wouldn't get so much grief if people didn't believe in generalizing stereotypes, lies and assumptions. perhaps you need to actually meet some gay men and lesbians and get to know us....there's no "acting" involved.

Answer 6

You're simply taking the most publisized examples and making them your only perspective! That's how stereotypes start and are perpetualized!

I bet you probably know a lot of gays/lesbians who you don't even know ARE gay/lesbian because you can't lable them as ACTING gay!

I know a guy who's as straight as a floatlevel but acts "gay" as you say. Many people assume when they meet him that he's gay. Their assumptions couldn't be further from the truth if they tried!
I also know another guy who's gay, but who attracts all the pretty young gals. He doesn't lisp, act camp in any way, doesn't use "gay" terminology and is a fairly straightforward kind of guy...but HE'S GAY!

What's even more ironic...is that these two guys actually know each other and have worked together several times. They both think it's really funny how people keep stereotyping and making assumptions about them.

Answer 7

A at as quickly as guy might constantly act so gay by way of fact... properly, he isn't at as quickly as. I advise, not something from what you published makes him sound at as quickly as in any respect. you may pass to promenade with somebody with out easily liking that guy or woman... I went to promenade with a chum who people got here upon warm/eye-catching even although i individually did not. additionally, so what if he posts approximately how warm the volleyball gamers are? you may call somebody warm and function it is a 'no hetero' or 'no homo' (based which way you swing). And each thing else you pronounced merely sounds relatively, relatively gay.

Answer 8

From my observations, I think that some homosexuals play into gay stereotypes because that what they think being gay is. For them, being gay is not just about the attraction to people of the same gender, it about the image of being gay.

Or maybe sometimes gay people are flamboyant because it's a knee jerk reaction to being in the closet for so long. After years of feeling they have to hide who they are, they now OVER compensate.

Who knows? Just because your uncomfortable by a overly flamboyant gay man does not make you homophobic. You're not uncomfortable because he's attracted to other men, you're uncomfortable because he's drawing attention (negative and positive) to himself. As long as you recognize that even though that is the stereotype, it's not ALWAYS the reality.

Answer 9

I know a lot of gay people and they dont all act camp, you could walk past some in the street and never know. I am a post op ts and after I changed to fem I found out I was lesbian, you couldnt tell any difference between me and my gf apart from that we hold hands together.

Answer 10

You know honestly I kinda know what your talking about..some gay guys I know have to be complete FLAMERS and tell everyone if they like it or not they are GAY and proud. Which is cool but i think some of them are this way because they are insecure and feel like ppl wont accept them. That is why they they are so STRONG about it.
I have known 2 gay guys who are my friends (one use to be my bestfriend) that werent like that watever...they ar gay but dont put it out like others do. Which is what I like more...I dont really like ppl who are so strong about it because ONE..it just gets annoying after awhile..and 2...they seems to be the ones to cause the most drama. So ya!