I need answers!!!?

Question

My husband has 2 sons from a previous marrige. They were 7 and 9 at the time. His 9 year old son lived with us while the other lived with his mother. We had so many problems with his son that at times I thought I would go insane. To make a long story short, we got through it, and he is now 19 years old and living on his own. My husband NOW wants his other son who is 16 to live with us. This child is a spoiled Brat, has gotten into trouble and I just dont want to have to deal with it anymore. My husband said he will not pick between myself and his son (which I dont expect him too) but I will not go through what I went through again. My husband said if his son wants to come live with us he will, and there is nothing I can say or do about it. His son only lives 3 blocks away from us, so its not like he never sees him. He sees him every day!! He also said that if we have to get divorced we will. What would you do in my situation?? HELP!!!

Answer 1

This must be a difficult situation for you but at the end of the day blood is thicker than water and your husband is right to put his son first,what decent parent wouldn't? All I can suggest you do is grin and bear it for a while but make it clear to your husband that the care of his son is entirely his responsibility and that you expect to be treated with respect by your stepson while he is living under your roof. Good luck

Answer 2

The kid is only 16 years old. Although it is almost time for him to be on his own he still needs guidence. That is why he is a spoiled brat. He has not grown up yet. You should let him come and stay with your blessings and help to make him a man. If this were your son you would feel the same way your husband does. Your husband is just speaking to you this way out of love for his son. This does not mean you should divorce. I think if you show that support then the husband will love you even more. The son definately sounds like he needs this as well. We are all good people in the end. I am answering this question because at one time I was the brat son. I went through the same thing and I am all grown up now. Who knows where I'd be if I were shoved out? Prison?

Answer 3

Honestly I think that your husband made up his mind.....
Think about your relationship... if he is so ready to throw in the towel on something you both could compromise on maybe it isn't worth it.
Also, if the son is 16 hopefully it will only be 2 years.... but 2 years can be hell since you already went through this with the first son and know how it will be.
I went through this with my wife
we have been together for 5 years and last year we decided to take my niece, then 15, My wife really didn't want to because of my nieces bad attitude and past. We did let her move in and it was constant fighting with my wife and her. We made it 7 months and had to make other legal placement arrangements for my niece. I made the choice to respect my wife when she was telling me it was to much. I would have never chosen my niece over my wife though.
So, if your husband doesn't think that your worth it enough to respect what a struggle it will be for you then maybe really think about what your place is with him.
Maybe leave, because I think that he will regret giving you up when there could be a compromise.
Maybe stick it out........
Good luck

Answer 4

Well i would deal with his son. I know it may sound hard, but you need to try. Ya never know what may happen he may not be that bad. If u love and really care about your husband, than you would deal with it. Besides who knows maybe he wont' be living there for too long. But if it's a situation to where he's threatening to kill you, than yea you shouldnt have him live there. but if it's not to that extent than i'd just try and deal with it. Or you could always find something extra to do outside of the house that way you won't be there to much. hope this helped

Answer 5

I know it's tough..but his child needs to come first. If you love him then you will let it happen and maybe you can come up with some ground rules for his son. It's not going to be easy, but you have to decide how important your marriage is. My brother gave up his daughter when she was 11, because his new wife wanted him all to himself...I saw what that did to my niece and now that she is 18..it truly impacted her life. If it wasn't for me and my parents my niece would have committed suicide, which was how depressed she became. Maybe if you look at it like he is already 16...how long would he live with you..it might be easier. I wish you the best of luck.

Answer 6

You need to see a marriage counselor either with him or without him. His position is unreasonable. This son is an adult and needs to be on his own. Plus he is living nearby so his father can see him whenever he wants. He knows how opposed you are to his plan, but he has dug in his heels. It sounds like a power play. Don't let him get away with it. You have done enough.

Answer 7

Although it is great that your husband wants to be a part of his son's life. It is not fair of him to burden you again with that problem. If you do not come to a compromise about it. I would suggest moving out.

Answer 8

Tell your husband hes a selfish ****. he has no respect for you. he is MAKING you CHOOSE, to make it seem your fault. If the kid does come to live with you then you have to decide if you want to stay around. i expect you love your husband, but he really is being unreasonable. Lay the rules down to the boy and if your husband dont like it tell him to move out.

Answer 9

Do not allow the situation to make you appear as a barrier between the father and the son....

Be wise!!

Answer 10

Talk to him and just explain it like you did here. Tell him that you love him and dont want a divorce but you just dont think you could go through that again.