My daughter is having a hard time.?

Question

I have been seperated for 2 years from my girls dad and my 11 year old daughter is taking it hard, still after 2 years. She is mean to my boyfriend and her dad doesn't spend any time with them. How do I help her?

Answer 1

Divorce is never easy on children. I have been in your shoes and know exactly what you are going through.
After two years your daughter should be more adjusted to the fact that her father is no longer in your life, or hers from your statement. It is possible that she still feels that you and her dad may get back together sometime and not want you seeing anyone. That is common with some children as far as wanting mom and dad together again.
You need to explain to her that you and dad are no longer in love with each other and need to have lives seperate from each other. Dont talk bad about dad even if he is a dead beat father. Just let her know that no matter who you are with, that she is the number one in your life and no one will take that away from her.
She may be suffering from jealousy of sharing you and is trying to run your bf off. Just try to keep it cool and let the bf know that she has to work this out for herself. He should try not letting your daughter get to him because if she sees that she can, she will continue it till the man hits the road running. Been there girl, its not fun for us mothers.
But our children have to matter most in our lives. Maybe there is a good reason why your daughter doesnt like the bf. Talk to her about it without yelling. Let her know that you want to be there for her.
Sometimes kids have a problem with a parents partner because when you are away, that person may have done harm to your child in some way. It does happen and when we think that we can trust someone enough to bring them around our kids. So, please, for you and your daughter, sit down with her and no audience, and talk about her feelings about not wanting this man around and see if you can comprimise if its just that she is jealous and not wanting to share you with him.
At 11 she will understand more than you think and talking to her on a mother daughter basis without yelling or accusing will allow her to see that you do care about how she feels. You will also have the chance to let her know how you feel about the bf and see if there is some way you two can meet in the middle and she can give him a chance. That is unless he has done something to really set her against him. Then if thats the case, you dont really want someone like that around your daughter in the first place.

Good luck!!!

Answer 2

Thats a really tuff subject! Have you tried talking with her about it? There's probebly a couple reasons behind her acting out. For example she might think that her dad just maybe will come back so she doesn't want there to be another guy in your life. And if her father has another girlfriend she might think thats why he doesn't spend time with her and thinks that if you get a boyfriend you'll stop spending time with her also. Hope this helps good luck!!

Answer 3

LOTS of patience from not only you, but your new boyfriend. Reassure her that he (BF) is not trying to take her daddy's spot, and that her dad still loves her. Hopefully your new boyfriend has patience and understands she may come around with time. Just don't pressure her, but always be sure to try your best to involve her with family stuff (movies, dinners, games, etc.).

I myself was devastated when my family split up in my teens, but I came around when I needed my step dad's help. I backed off with the sarcasm, and was more help full when I realized he wasn't going anywhere like my real father did. I had feelings of abandonment. Good luck...

Answer 4

The big problem, apart from her dad not spending time, is that you have a boyfriend. Either have a husband in the house agreeing to be a devoted stepdad, or don't mix your dating relationships into their lives. They shouldn't have to deal with it.

You should be devoting your free time almost totally to them. Your girls are hurting so much - they will hurt forever, the research says. Therefore, your obligation is to do what you have to to support the family and then spend every minute you can talking with them, reading with them, doing projects with them, having fun with them - with your girls. no boyfriend. they already have enough rejection - they don't need you devoting your time to this man.

Answer 5

Why is it that some women think that they need a fricken man in their lives at the expense of thier helpless and innocent children? You have a choice in the matter as to where they don't. You can pick and choose who you want to date and get envolved with but your kids have to just "put up with it". You obviously don't even care what her feelings are or you wouldnt be in this situation. Heck girl! You are not even divorced yet, what are you thinking?
You help her in getting rid of the boyfriend and concentrate solely on her and building a good strong relationship with her. No questions asked. I have been divorced for 5 years and have never totally deprived myself of male company, but I never once involved my kids with them. You only have one chance to raise them right and boyfriends come and go but your child is there for life. If she disrepects you, dont blame her blame yourself for the poor choices that you are making.

Answer 6

The poor kid ! She must feel so abandoned by her Dad. Why would you be surprised she doesnt like your boyfriend ? She possibly feels a bit abandoned by you too. She is at such a vulnerable stage of her life and needs to feel loved by all of you. Talk to your ex and see if you can get him more involved in her life. She is your daughter not just a residual effect of your marriage !

Answer 7

Listen!!!!!!!!! I went through the same thing:

Dont push your boyfriend on her plssss. Stop trying to introduce them or make them get along. This happened along time ago with me and my mother (like 5 yrs ago). I wasnt able to accept it. Not neccessarily the fact that your not with the father but just for merly the fact that she can rub something in your face to complain about which will make her have more reason to dislike him. At age 14-16 I began to love my moms boyfriend. She put no stress on us meeting each other, I was always first at the drop of a dime, she ddnt have him over when I was over. Then finally I began wondering that my momma needed to be happy too and I started asking her to bring him over and I've been over it for over 5 yrs and I care about him alot. I advise not to put alot of pressure on the both of them......

Hope this helps! =)

Answer 8

Just make sure your daughter knows that she is the most important thing in your life.Make a day where you do things together just the two of you,no boyfriend,or anyone.As far as the father try talking to him and letting him know how she is feeling and acting and maybe he'll turn around and actually be a man and be apart of her life!

Answer 9

it really takes time. when my parents first got divorced, everytime my mom and new stepdad fought, i always asked if they were getting divorced so my mom could re-marry my dad. i was 5 when this happened. I'm 18 now and I love my stepdad and I'm glad he and my mom are together. I see my dad more now too because I want to. Try to include her and plan family things with your boyfriend and try encourage her to spend time with her dad as well. the most important thing is to tell her that your boyfriend is not trying to replace her dad. kids get very emotional and territorial with the whole "replacement" issue

Answer 10

GET RID OF THAT BOYFRIEND - YOU ARE WRONG IN HAVING ONE!

You're not even divorced yet - what's the matter with you? And ou blame HER for being angry?

I wish she was several years older and a male who could punch that boyfriend right in the face and throw him out the front door down the steps!

What stupid answers above and below.