What am i doing wrong with my husband?

Question

Ok, here's the thing. Right now, me and my husband arent on speaking terms and here's why: I work days and he works swings 3pm to 11pm so we dont see each other much. Then when he comes from work he goes straight to the playstation and stays there for hours. Meanwhile i always wait up for him just to be dissapointed. Like once a week he'll come home and go hang out with his work buddies at their houses till 3 in the morning (as if he doesnt see them enough!). I feel like he's neglecting me, am i wrong about this? he gets mad if i tell him how i feel and tells me i dont give him freedom. I dont go anywhere besides work and home because i'd rather spend my free time with him. when we have fights even though i'm right too, i'm always the one who apologizes because i hate when he's mad at me! should i apologize when he comes home tonight for telling him how i feel or should i wait till he apologizes (which he never does) i could be waiting for days! i'm loosing it but i really do love him!

Wow, thanks for the responses! so it's not just in my head he keeps telling me that guys do worse things then him and if i asked anyone they'd take his side! Thanks guys and thanks Deb i was already considering starting to go out with the girls to see how much he likes it!

Answer 1

Not on speaking terms? I realize that sometimes people need a little bit of alone time or private time to get over something. But not being on speaking terms is a phrase I am all to familiar with. I would get the silent treatment for days or weeks on end for some imagined or real insult. After awhile I stopped begging for his attention. I stopped laying his clothes out in the bathroom so he didnt have to worry about grabbing clothes. I stopped making him a dinner plate and taking it to him,. I stopped going out to start his car for him in the winter so it wouldnt be cold for him. I finally realized that I was the one that was giving EVERYTHING and getting nothing back,. Not even simple communication. I wrote letters and found them in the trash unread, I sent offlines, I left voicemails. And finally,. I got sick of it all and started getting on with my life. I worked, I spent time with the kids, I went out with the girls. That was what finally got his goat and to be honest at that point I was beyond the ability to forgive.
So, try and make him see whats going on with you and your feelings. Because if ya wait to long it just gets harder. I lived in a marriage like that for 10 years.

Answer 2

First off, it sounds like you married a boy, not a man. Why did he marry you in the first place if he wanted to keep his freedom. He doesn't sound like he is committed like you are.

You aren't wrong for feeling neglected but you have to know that being disappointed comes from your expectations of your husband. This is where you are going wrong. If you don't have alot of expectations, you can't be disappointed. You are setting yourself up. You have to learn now before it gets out of hand. Expectations are the hardest thing to get under control. Most people don't realize that expectations are where women and men go wrong in their relationship. If you don't expect it, you can't be disappointed. I learned this 18 years ago and it really helped me out.

If you want to keep the marriage good or with the least amount of bad feelings, you will have to do a little adjusting. No, you don't have to always say your sorry. Get into the habit of only saying things that you mean, don't regret what you say or feel. You are human an are entitled to your own feelings, just like he is. Don't make a big deal over it right now because if you apologize now, he will feel that he got his way again. Get some friends of your own or find a hobby that you like to do. Find something that you like to do.

Answer 3

Sweetheart, it seams to me that your man is a controling man. If he doesn't get his way then its your fault. Trust me, been there done that.
So, here is what I would do. First I would get into something sexy for when he comes home, if that don't work then start going out yourself. And see how he likes it when your not home. He might get the idea that maybe he is igoreing you. Don't just do it one night and expect to see results, cause it won't happen that quick. Do it for a couple of weeks and see if there is a difference.
I'm sorry you are having problems like this and I really have been there. ANd I had finally left because we were always fighting over the same thing day after day. And I simply got tired of argueing with him. ANd he was at the computer as soon as he got home from work also. And never paid attention to me at all unless he wanted sex. ANd that don't fly with me.
Sorry I went on like this. Good Luck

Answer 4

Do you plan living like this the rest of your life?????

You should have a life too,you got married because you wanted to be together dont' you ??? then why is he acting like a single young man and you are just getting bored at home..... Think about this and if you are not happy then move on and look for someone better that will treat you like you deserve and that will spend time with you and much more because it is supposed to be a couple not two single persons living together !!! good luck !!!

Answer 5

What you are describing even taking into consideration the different work hours, is not a normal relationship.

There is going to be adjustments to be made anytime two partners work different shifts. That is just the nature of living in this time. But it doesn't mean that relationships have to crash as a result.

There could be some underlying problems here that we on Answers can't help you with.
Seek professional counseling.

Answer 6

You probably feel like a nag, but you have good reason to. You just need to sit down and have a heart to heart, sounds cheesy, but just flat out tell him (calmly) and he'll be more apt to understand and really consider your feelings if you don't complain or get angry. Guys have this thing with their PS2's that we'll never understand! I think you're a good gal that comes home to her husband right after to work to spend time with him. I'm glad to hear you're not running around with your friends and getting revenge. It's mature on your part. I wouldn't tell him that the PS2 is off limits, but just tell him how you feel and let him know that you want him to be able to wind down and play games and be with his friends (some of the time.) Let us know how everything plays out. Good luck! :)

Answer 7

He is neglecting you, my friend. I put on my sexiest outfit for my ex husband in my young and beautiful days; he walked by and straighted the strap. It was a deliberate and cruel insult. Not too long after, I bought him his favorite alcohol (he would only sit still with me if he had a cocktail) and I told him I had never been so lonely and here I was married! I went on to say that his disinterest and neglect made me think about cheating on him. He didn't bat an eye lash. Hence, EX husband...his first love was the bottle...alcohol the other woman...Playstation...the other woman.

Answer 8

Honey, you are NOT.. repeat not doing anything wrong. By the sounds of it your husbands wants to live the single life and only be married when it suits him. My ex was like that to.. Honey.. sorry to say that you need to tell him that if things don't change you will go. Its hard (believe me i know) but if it keeps going you will be the one getting hurt more in the end.
You are not asking for much, just some time with the man you married.. its time to put your foot down.. stop saying sorry and realise that this is not your fault...

Answer 9

So...if he is out doing what he wants to do...then why arn't you doing what you want to do? why do you feel the need to just sit there and be misreable? go out and hang with your friends. better yet...why don't you invest in an xbox 360 and play some of your own games? don't just sit there and wait on him. you could be waiting until next christmas. go out...hang with your friends...get some hobbies that you are interested in...if you don't have any friends make some. don't sit there and be misreable. do something for you. maybe he will get the hint once he notices that you are no longer sitting around watching him.

Answer 10

he should apologize when he is wrong, you shouldn't apologize every time you have a fight, it getting the habits and it not good for the relationship. You and your spouse should have a talk and tell him how you feel and and the way he acts hurt your feeling. Communicate each other. Good luck!!