i feel like a failure?

Question

i have been through a really tough time in my marriage last year and we seperated for about 6 months. things were said and we both went out with our friends and tried to escape our problems. i fought with all my heart and soul to make it right and we now have a good relationship, a more relaxed and happy one. but i feel so sad that i let my marriage get that way and it is really tearing me up inside. i feel so much guilt, it was both of us not just one but i feel like i let myself and my husband down. and i can not forgive my self. what can i do to feel better? how do i clear my mind?

we are still together

Answer 1

Be grateful things are back on track. Maybe the six month break is what you both needed to grow up a little.

Forgive yourself and move forward .. Maybe you need to have a talk with GOD. Enjoy your new life.

Answer 2

You need to accept that things were wrong on both sides-you have already done that. Now- forgive yourself. If you break a dish, or forget something at the grocery store, or make any other human error, you correct it and go on. This is the same although it is more emotionally based. You have already made the correction by improving on your marriage. Your husband has moved on and forgiven you, let it go! Just work hard so that it doesn't happen again. Have you talked to your husband about your feelings of guilt? That may help to ease your mind. Always remember communication is the biggest asset in a relationship.

Answer 3

First step is to understand that ALL marriages go through a strain at one point or another. The thing that should make you feel better is that you stuck it out for the most part. You guys could have went and got a divorce but you didnt. So for that it makes you both look ten times taller. That shows strength, courage, endurance, trust in GOD and faith that everything will be okay. So now just enjoy what you have now. You guys have already wasted time so why continue to waste more time. Get back to who you were together before the problems. Also just ask God to forgive you both and he will make it BETTER that you can ever imagine. Stay blessed and CONGRATULATIONS to a productive future with your husband!

Answer 4

First, no one said it was easy in marriage. Each couple needs to find their own way. You are you and he is he. Mistakes and challenges happen all the time. You and him made a mistake.. took time off to analyze the problem. If you are still separated then try to get counseling and see what works out. You are not a failure, you are learning how to live. You and he are learning about life, marriage, and yourselves. You have not failed but you have just stepped up to the plate. There is not anything to forgive yourself for as you didn't do anything wrong. If you are getting a divorce then get a divorce and don't beat yourself up about it. We all make mistakes and knowing that is life and just packing the feeling away, and move on, with your life. If you don't then you surely will be miserable and then sometime later in life you will have failed. Get counseling help and work hard to get back together if you choose. If not then start over. Learn by your mistakes. Good luck

Answer 5

I am intrigued. Are you sure you are relaxed and happy? Are you perhaps still dwelling on the horrible things that were said? Otherwise, you shouldn't be sad. Lots of people make a mess of their relationships - the sign of a good couple is that they are willing to make big efforts to make it work. Good for you - that doesn't sound like a failure. I'm still not sure you have given the whole story though. Best way to clear your head is to get all of your angst down on paper and or talk it through with someone. All the nitty gritty though. Not just the bits you want people to know.

Answer 6

Failures are not a bad thing because they can be a most valuable learning experience. Thomas Edison: I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work. Someone here said it best. I feel failure when I have failed to live up to my expectations. So I think I'm going to be easier on myself because I think I'm pretty tough and it may be affecting my health.

Answer 7

I think you just have to let go, realise that it was a bad chapter in your life, without it you and your hubby wouldn't be as happy as you are now would you? Remember what happened between you and try not to let things get to that point again.

You haven't let anyone down at all, you could have just given up and both gone your seperate ways but you didn't you made the effort to save what is obviously a good relationship.

I would suggest you talk to your hubby about it, maybe you could go for some counselling?

Look forward, not backward.

here's to the future!

Answer 8

As long as you learnt from what happened then you need to focus on the positives, you both spent time apart and decided you worked better together - you have to re-condition your mind to look at the positives - otherwise, I'm afraid your marriage will fail again - and that's the last thing you want to happen. Or perhaps you have doubts that you did the right thing ? you need to talk to your husband about how you feel and get it out in the open he may be sensing your pain - and misreading it as unhappiness that you are back together - as long as you love each other it will work out in the end - just talk to him.

Answer 9

Feel guilty - if you must. But what about the feelings for the health / closeness / bonding / intimacy / Love and whatever else you have with him in this relationship?

You can look at it either as a 'learning process' where you needed to learn something(s in order to make it work.

Or you can look at it as if your relationship is an entity (a body / person all of its own) which caught flue. As a result you needed medication, rest and recuperation!

Not a particularly good analogy (I prefer the first one mys self, but...), but none the less has a validity.

Sometimes we need to learn that we are behaving in an 'unconscious way' where we go along 'assuming things are all right and will work themselves out'......
Only, we run into a brick wall.

It's then that we need to learn to not behave as we have been, but to look consciously at what we have been doing / they way we have been thinking, and the ways we have been behaving.

If you want to continue feeling your 'Guilt,' then fine, but try not to let it get in the way of the rest of what you have - or damage it or obscure your sight on what you have.

Best of luck to you both.
Sash.

Answer 10

When a relationship breaks up its like a bereavement. You lose the other person from your life, all your hopes and plans together are gone suddenly, even when people want to split up it can be a blow.

You really tried with yours and it just didnt work out, statistically almost half of all the people who get married end up in the same boat. Dont beat yourself up over it and consider getting some counselling to get over this and move on with your life so you can meet the person who is actually right for you.

Answer 11

Marriages aren't perfect. You will always have your ups and downs. The most important thing is that you didn't give up on your husband or your relationship. You and your husband should be commended for that. Not too many couples would work that hard to save their marriage. It usually end up in divorce or separation. So just remember marriage is something that you continually have to work on. So stop beating yourself up and just enjoy your husband right now.